I am on my third child to be potty trained and may I also add to that the fact that I have been changing diapers for 5 years straight…yes you read that right 5 years and 3 toddlers later I am finally seeing the light at the end of the large trail of diapers. I have seen explosive, poop up the back and down the leg diapers. I have seen diapers so soaked that they have then soiled through to the bottom half of clothing in a matter of literally a one hour car ride. I have dealt with diaper rashes, 3 boxes of 3 different sized diapers, many trips to Costco and the late night emergency runs to the local drug store because one of the 3 over sized boxes had some how mysteriously ran out without anyone noticing. I have changed diapers in the mini van (which could someone please tell me why they have not come up with a pop up changing table in mini vans?) in 115 degree weather bent over and sweating like I have just run a 5K. I have even changed a diaper while my child had to lay on the ground because there was nothing for me to lay her on due to the fact that we were at an amusement park at closing time.
This is me in so said amusement park during operating family bathroom hours. Yes my husband and I might have been a bit crazy to take 3 babies in diapers to an amusement park but what the hell? Our teenage sons had fun. And luckily for them they were racing around trying to get every possible last ride in while my husband and I were sitting at our last buffet styled extravaganza hoping to just put an end to a very crazy day that we had already had….but wait….our adventures weren’t quite over because my (one year old at the time) had just decided to crap while sitting in a high chair “luckily” at a table outside. And when I say crap I don’t mean JUST a shitty diaper…we are talking the kind of shit that makes any person within a 100 foot radius run for the hills…IT WAS EVERYWHERE!!! Had she of possibly made a noise while she was taking said crap I might have been able to catch it before it was too late but nope it wasn’t until the over powering smell finally made contact to my nose that I knew what was happening and by then it was just too late. As I looked at my husband in utter disbelief I kept hoping that maybe it was just a really bad case of gas…but then…I reached over…pulled the shirt up and the diaper back…only I didn’t even get to the diaper part because the shit had literally traveled EVERYWHERE!!! It was even layered upon the high chair. The first thought that came to mind was “WHERE IS THE NEAREST HOSE”!!! Now let’s rewind to the fact that she had already soiled through every piece of clothing that we had packed in her diaper bag that morning therefore there was nothing left but diapers. And then came the fact that we had to use every wipey left in the bag. Now we were down to scavenging for every last napkin left on any table within our reach…then it was frantically looking for ANYTHING that could possibly clean this catastrophic shit up!!! We couldn’t lay her on the table because I was so afraid of the table not being sanitized before the next day of families ate there therefore the ground on that little tiny piece of changing cloth that they put in diaper bags (why is that?) was our only option. After trying to sanitize the high chair with hand sanitizer and napkins we gathered up our belongings and raced out of their as fast as we could carry ourselves, 3 babies, and all of our gear. The boys of course somehow caught up with us just in time of it all being over.
The best thing I can say about that day and that moment is that my husband and I came together and worked as a team and later laughed about it like crazy. And still to this day it is a story that will live on in this family for years to come…sorry my dear Mazel.