A Letter To Bryan

goodbye
A Letter To A 17 Year Old

You were just a young boy, all of 10 years old when I met you.  I bonded with you almost immediately for you had an “old sole” and not as hyper as your younger sibling.  You always seemed mature way beyond your years.

Here we are 7 years later and after all my time invested in you…you have decided that you no longer want to be a part of this family.  This same family that has fed you, clothed you, taken you on vacations, guided you, and above all loved you even though the blood that runs through your veins is not the same blood that runs through the rest of ours.

I understand the whole “teenager” phase of life for I too was once a teenager who wanted to be my own person.  But I also knew that for every negative action I produced there was going to be a consequence to that action and that I had to accept the punishment I was dealt.  That’s part of learning to become an adult and it’s our job as parents to correct any bad behavior and try to lead you away from a life of being “a menace to society”.

Somewhere in the last couple years the bond I had with you has been strained.  I have tried to be a good step-mom to you and although I know at times I wasn’t exceptionally great at it, I still tried the best way I knew how. I had never had kids to raise before you and your brother came along.  I was always an aunt and being an aunt is so much easier then being a parent.

You and your brother had a lot of emotional baggage when I met you.  You had been deserted by the one person who was suppose to love and protect you and teach you about the harsh and cruel world we live in.  Your mother.  Instead she chose a life too selfish to ever bare the responsibility of raising children.  Thankfully, the person you should have been calling dad all these years stepped up and made sure you and your brother were provided for.  Therefore, you must understand that when he hears you say you no longer want to be in this family, it hurts him.  I realize he is not someone who is good at showing his emotions but remember son….neither are you.  In 7 years I cannot remember one time you ever saying “I love you” to either of us without us saying it to you first.  Oh wait yes I do remember one time ….it was right after we purchased an iPhone for you.  It took buying you a materialistic item to hear you say those 3 little words.  Do you think that doesn’t hurt our feelings?  Let me assure you that it hurts mine.

I am no longer angry with you for the behavior you displayed when getting caught at doing wrong.  I am disappointed in the way you went about handling it.  Crying to your egg donor mother and making it out to sound like we were just so cruel to you just makes me want to ask why? Why would you try and confide in someone who has never contributed to your life except to get in the middle of a family where she doesn’t belong?  She has no right to know anything about what goes on in OUR family.  She has no rights as a mother what-so-ever and she has never had to deal with any kind of serious responsibility.  Hence that’s why she stays in a hostile relationship instead of putting her big girl panties on and taking responsibility for herself.  She has taken the easy way out her entire life.  And now here you are thinking that you are taking the easy way.  All because you chose to do wrong and then couldn’t accept the punishment dealt.  You sneak and lie and then wonder why we don’t always believe what comes out of your mouth.  In your eyes someone else is always to blame for your misery.  Guess that apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Your genetic gene pool is full of that.

I want you to understand that all we have ever done is try and make you a part of this family…notice I said make because quite frankly we both believe that the only reason you have stayed with us is because financially we were able to provide you with more then your actual blood line could.  But emotionally you have never truly tried to bond with this family.  I have seen with my own eyes the littles of this family tell you “I love you Bryan” only to get no response from you.  Only after me making a comment to you about it have you responded.  They are so young and don’t understand your emotional status …only that you rejected responding to their love and admiration for you.  It’s funny though that you have no problem “showing” your girlfriend love and emotion.  You buy her useless gifts yet when was the last time you so much as purchased a card for for any of us for a holiday or our birthday? Or even printed one off the computer?  I remember specifically on my birthday you barely mumbled “Happy Birthday”.  As a parent I never expect you to purchase me a gift but some aknowledement, more then a mumble, would be nice.

Someday when you have children of your own maybe you will understand the sacrifices that we made to take you into our family and try and teach you right from wrong.  Yes that meant being hard on you at times but it also means that we care and love you and only wanted what was best for you.  Even though you weren’t biologically either of ours…we still and always will love you.

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DomesticatedMomster

I am a mother of 5, a wife to 1, and a fully certified domesticated momster who likes to blog about motherhood, marriage, and anything else that pops into my crazy head all with a side of sarcasm and a glass of wine.

14 thoughts on “A Letter To Bryan”

  1. I’m sorry girl. I had no idea…
    I love ur blogs cuz I have one to relate to… cuz I feel the same way except it is John’s own children that act such ways…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s a tough situation being the “other” mother. I love both those boys and have been in their lives much longer then their real mother. It’s been a very draining time for all of us. Now it’s just time to heal.

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  3. Unfortunately he will have to learn these things on his own. But being a true parent means you will have open arms when he figures out the real truth. He will and you will have open arms when he returns.

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  4. Trista, You & Hubby did all that you could to care for Bryan. In reality, you two are the ONLY ones that cared for him both emotionally and financially. Unfortunately, he’s too stubborn to see the “good” over the “bad.” He also didn’t want to face the consequences for his actions. Hopefully, he will soon find out that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I pray that he realizes that before he becomes another menace to society like so many young kids have that go around thinking that the world “owes” them something and all this materialistic bullcrap. If not, he’s going to become another sad statistic. You both are very good parents! Keep doing what you’re doing ….. Providing for and loving your children like parents should. Love you!

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    1. Thanks sweets. I too only want what is best for him and hope that he takes what we have tried to teach him and succeeds in life. Hopefully he will choose a life greater then the ones his blood line have presented. Love you too BFF!

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    1. It’s honestly already too late…he wanted to move long before we actually dropped him off at his mother’s house. He thinks that not having any rules or anyone who cares is the “answer” but it’s not. Therefore, he won’t be moving back.

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  5. Ugh reading this reminds me of my own teenage years. In hindsight, I really only saw myself. I ran away from home. Very selfish really. But I didn’t care about anything. As we all know now, it takes growing up and even having children to see how selfish (and ridiculous) we are as teenagers. If I had had an ‘easy out’ like him, I probably would have taken it. Would it have been the right choice? No. Never. But I wouldn’t have been able to see that. Hope things get better and all the best to you and your fam x

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    1. He’s going to school which I hope he completes his senior year. He’s not living with his worthless mother which is probably a good thing. I know someday he will understand what we sacrificed to raise a child that was neither of ours biologically and like you said that may take until he had kids of his own.

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