Oh the dreadful “over the hill”. Somedays I feel like I am already buried in the hill but here is a list of just a few things that remind me I have reached the age of 40 something.
- When riding in the car and you turn the station to “Hair Nation” ((don’t judge me)) and your kids look at you like you have just turned on a foreign language. Along with your husband who is five years younger can’t stop making fun of you for listening to such a station.
- When you wake up but it takes you 30 minutes for the “overnight kinks” to get the hell out of your body.
- When the first cup of coffee is only for the flavor….it takes 3 or 4 more to actually wake you up.
- Your nipples are just about headed south for the winter…well actually for the rest of your life unless you get a boob job.
- Your menstrual cycle is no longer referred to as a period, it’s now more like a huge freudian ink blot.
- You can no longer be friends with hard liquor. The hangovers that used to take a day to recover from now take no less then a week.
- You walk into rooms forgetting what the fuck you came in there for…oh wait that’s been something I’ve done most of my life…I blamed pot before…now I just blame it on being over 40.
- A “wild” night consists of being out until midnight.
- The “little black dress” now goes past the knees and half way to the ankles.
- Your hair brush looks like a small furry animal.
- It’s time for the dreadful squashing of the boobs in which is referred to as a mammogram…is someone sending my boobs a note?
- You’ve replaced movies like “91/2 Weeks” with watching “The Food Network”.
- It’s time to start worrying about retirement money that doesn’t exist.
- You value your sleep. Sleep has suddenly become the most prized possession.
- In high school you could eat a salad and work out to lose 10 pounds…now you would literally have to go on an episode of “Naked And Afraid” to lose any substantial amount of weight.
- You purchase alcohol, and you break into your rendition of “the happy dance”, if the cashier asks you for your ID.
- Every time you look in the mirror you notice another patch of gray hair not just a single hair here and there.
- Your mood swings have become more like large capsules of time.
- You squint at everything forgetting that your glasses are sitting on top of your head.
I am sure there are many more but at 40 something I can’t remember.
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