I am a busy mom and as much as I hate to admit it there are two seasons of “Real Housewives” that I like to watch. Beverly Hills and Orange County. But I came to the conclusion a long time ago that there is nothing “real” about any of them. From their fake lips, boobs, and anything else that can be medically enhanced, to their crazy back stabbing personalities…its’ all fake. I mean what in the world are they all whining about? They have maids, nannies, cooks, workout rooms, and credit cards with very high limits.
Here are some reasons that I could never be a “Real Housewives of Anywhere”.
- My house doesn’t look like this…
- The last time my friends and I looked like this was the prom circa in around 1990. Only we didn’t have stylists…we had Aqua Net…from Woolworths for about $.60 a can and a curling iron probably from that big brand Conaire. And our dresses were probably a bit more…shall we say…poofy.
I am pretty sure the dress on the right came in putrid teal green too.
- I grew up in Wyoming and learned how to ski in high school. I wouldn’t be caught dead in what that housewife in the middle is wearing. Did she steal one of the outfits from the guards who watch over the glorious castle in London? Do you see the resemblance above? All he’s missing is a furry coat. I have to admit that he wears it much better.
- My closet will never look like this…
I don’t even shop in department stores that look this fancy let alone my closet. My closet isn’t even this organized. I mean look at the color coordination. Who has time for that shit? Not to mention my kids play in my closet and therefore anything hanging on the bottom rack usually ends up in a heap on the floor.
- I wouldn’t have this many shoes even if I was rich…
My shoe collection consists of flip flops, which are worn anytime the weather is above 50 degrees. I like Reef brand because they come with a handy dandy bottle opener on the bottoms of them. I also have a couple pairs of Uggs and a couple pairs of Converse tennis shoes. And one pair of work out shoes. I don’t like high heels…I am already tall enough and have you ever seen an ex strippers or hookers feet when they are about 50? It is one ugly sight. Yes I know because I used to be in the beauty industry and have seen plenty of ugly feet doing pedicures. Our feet are not meant to be squished to fit into some pretty shoes for hours at a time. I have one pair of high heeled boots that never stay on for more then 10 minutes. No need to explain here but you can read more about it here if you wish.
- I will never look this crazy in public…
I am a real housewife…I have stains on most of my clothing, my furniture is “kid friendly” meaning on most days you will probably find a piece of fermented fruit stuffed somewhere between the cushions, and getting dolled up for me means actually blow drying and styling my hair and putting on some eyeliner along with my mascara. You can read more about my trials of being a stay at home mom here.
The Real Housewife Of The Middle Of Fucking Nowhere,
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