Real? Housewives?

I am a busy mom and as much as I hate to admit it there are two seasons of “Real Housewives” that I like to watch.  Beverly Hills and Orange County.  But I came to the conclusion a long time ago that there is nothing “real” about any of them.  From their fake lips, boobs, and anything else that can be medically enhanced, to their crazy back stabbing personalities…its’ all fake.  I mean what in the world are they all whining about?  They have maids, nannies, cooks, workout rooms,  and credit cards with very high limits.

Here are some reasons that I could never be a “Real Housewives of Anywhere”.

  • My house doesn’t look like this…

Unknown-1Nor have I ever stayed in a resort or hotel resembling the standards of such luxury.  I mean come on who needs this big of a house for like 5 people including staff?


  • The last time my friends and I looked like this was the prom circa in around 1990.  Only we didn’t have stylists…we had Aqua Net…from Woolworths for about $.60 a can and a curling iron probably from that big brand Conaire.   And our dresses were probably a bit more…shall we say…poofy.


I am pretty sure the dress on the right came in putrid teal green too.


  • I grew up in Wyoming and learned how to ski in high school.  I wouldn’t be caught dead in what that housewife in the middle is wearing.  Did she steal one of the outfits from the guards who watch over the glorious castle in London?  Do you see the resemblance above?  All he’s missing is a furry coat.  I have to admit that he wears it much better.
  • My closet will never look like this…

images-3I don’t even shop in department stores that look this fancy let alone my closet.  My closet isn’t even this organized.  I mean look at the color coordination.  Who has time for that shit?  Not to mention my kids play in my closet and therefore anything hanging on the bottom rack usually ends up in a heap on the floor.

  • I wouldn’t have this many shoes even if I was rich…

images-4My shoe collection consists of flip flops, which are worn anytime the weather is above 50 degrees.  I like Reef brand because they come with a handy dandy bottle opener on the bottoms of them.  I also have a couple pairs of Uggs and a couple pairs of Converse tennis shoes.  And one pair of work out shoes.  I don’t like high heels…I am already tall enough and have you ever seen an ex strippers or hookers feet when they are about 50?  It is one ugly sight.  Yes I know because I used to be in the beauty industry and have seen plenty of ugly feet doing pedicures.  Our feet are not meant to be squished to fit into some pretty shoes for hours at a time.  I have one pair of high heeled boots that never stay on for more then 10 minutes.  No need to explain here but you can read more about it here if you wish.

  • I will never look this crazy in public…

Unknown-1Nor will I throw a glass at my friends head or wine in their face.  I mean really who does shit like that…oh yeah…these bitches.  This is beyond my kind of crazy.

I am a real housewife…I have stains on most of my clothing, my furniture is “kid friendly” meaning on most days you will probably find a piece of fermented fruit stuffed somewhere between the cushions, and getting dolled up for me means actually blow drying and styling my hair and putting on some eyeliner along with my mascara.  You can read more about my trials of being a stay at home mom here.

The Real Housewife Of The Middle Of Fucking Nowhere,

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I am a mother of 5, a wife to 1, and a fully certified domesticated momster who likes to blog about motherhood, marriage, and anything else that pops into my crazy head all with a side of sarcasm and a glass of wine.

71 thoughts on “Real? Housewives?”

  1. I got sucked into Orange County Housewives a long time ago when I was bedridden. I watched two or three seasons of it. I think what you said about having nannies and cooks is the exact reason they make drama. Real housewives have to come up with a menu, buy it, cook it, clean up, tend their own children, etc etc — we have enough drama!
    Also, my closet is color-coded, because well, it’s only four colors, lol, but it does NOT look anything like that. (Nor does the rest of my house, because, REAL!) Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There are other parts of Orange County that I live in that is middle class and “regular.” I don’t watch the Real Housewives shows. One of my friends worked for the guy married to one of the gals from Coto De Caza. They ended up getting divorced. Lots of drama.

    I might not watch the rich bitches… but I would totally watch The Real Housewife Of The Middle Of Fucking Nowhere- that has promise.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I truly think they would be onto something if they produced a show with “real housewives”. I love Orange County…my all time favorite band for 20+ years is from there. I think I like watching because it makes me realize that I like my “real” life. That all those bitches need to create drama just to feel like they are important in some way. I still hold true to the saying that money doesn’t buy happiness…only material things you think make you happy.


  3. HAHa! LOVE IT! My sister in-law is with the man who is the owner/builder of damn near all of the super fucking fancy schmancy 20,000 square foot mansions tucked away in Hidden Hills, CA and she and I love driving through the neighborhood laughing our heads off at the ridiculously tacky cars, lawn decor and all the rest of the shit those overly pampered idiots try to “decorate” with. The really funny part is, Mike, the man who my sis is with, is probably worth about 100 times more than the entire lot of them, but he looks like a landscaper and he drives around the neighborhood in his 10 year old truck or on his backhoe, and dressed in ratty t-shirts and Levis. Those people have nary a clue that he fucking owns ALL the land and houses they live in. He was Britney Spears’ landlord back when she rented that fucking absurd castle looking mansion for $20k a month. Oh and he built the Kardashian’s home for them. Talk about tacky! But money don’t buy class…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lol. I sure would love that closet though, but I want the maid that comes with it too. And maybe a butler that brings me coffee in the mornings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They all just seem so unhappy….well most of them anyway….if I could chose one to be in would be Lisa Vanderpump. That lady has it going on. Husband that adores her, great kids, big fancy house, restaurants with hot people working at them that worship her. Yep she has it all…wonder what skeletons are in her closet? She has to have something bwahahaha


  5. LOL. I loved this post. I got hooked on those shows during my first maternity leave – until my husband begged me to stop watching them because he couldn’t stand it anymore. 🙂 I wouldn’t mind having a staff to clean or cook though…. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. HA ha ha so true! I watch both of those two and they just make me crack up at how their arguments about f*** all escalate so quickly. They now do a series in the UK set in Cheshire and they are so sweary and drunk its hilarious.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh you nailed it! This is so true!!! And, so funny! That middle housewife’s outfit is ridiculous. And I too love my flip flops! Great post hun, I laughed and nodded through it. I’m visiting through #linkalist today x

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Whaaaat? It’s not real? Here is what I think about those ridiculous women. They may have all that fancy stuff and think they are a step above everyone, but all of that can go away just like that. And then they are living down with the rest of us. I have stains on all my clothes, I have a “good” pair of sweat pants, and multiple pairs of flip flops and Birkenstocks. Shorts, flip-flop and sweats – that’ my closet. But it is all paid for. What is that one out of New Jersey – I bet plummeting to the bottom was super painful.
    Great post!!!! Hilarious!!!!
    Oh by the way – did I tell you those women piss me off so bad, I can’t even see straight. All Styrofoam (and silicon) facades. And if they are so loaded, why do they have to flaunt themselves all over TV – must be Nouveau Riche!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol good point! Oh yeah the one in New Jersey all of a sudden tried to be humble after she realized her and hubby were headed to jail and would have to sell everything. Nothing like a little rock bottom to serve your crow pie.


    1. My husband is more of a shopper then me lol sad but true…I’ve just never had a love for fashion…I like simplicity…especially since becoming a mom…and yes you should be able to wear the shoe lol but hey are you hitting anyone with your shoe hoarding? Then hoard on my friend …hoard on. 😉


  9. I’ve only ever seen these shows a few times (usually when there’s nothing else on and you are right. They definately aren’t real. It’s all set up for the entertainment value. The bits that I watched were just full of bitching and back stabbing but it was hilarious. Mainly because of how fake it all is 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love them! Believe or not thought there are sometimes that I will be standing there with a beer to open with my flip flops on and looking for a bottle opener. lol Thanks for popping over and linking up and saying hello!


  10. Yes- to all. I love ‘reality’ TV. Certainly not any reality I can identify with. Internet high five from a fellow lanky flip flop wearer over here! Four years and counting in nothing but haviannas- boom!


    Liked by 1 person

  11. Very true, and very funny piece !!!
    But lets face it DomMom, Bravo is not a ” real ” channel and makes these programmes for us to enjoy and laugh at. The only problem with these reality shows is that after a while some people start thinking that these lives are actually ” Real ” and want to aspire to them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is nothing about that life that I would like to aspire. Even money doesn’t buy happiness…yes it can makes things a little less stressful but then I think you just find other things to worry about like who your husband is sleeping with….DOH! Thanks for popping over and saying hello!


  12. “The Real Housewife Of The Middle Of Fucking Nowhere,”

    I’ll join you in the season. “Episode 2: How to get a field mouse out of the garage!” “Episode 12: What happens when you forget trash day?” You know, the important, pressing stuff in life.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. At least you don’t need to worry about them missing and having to clean it up! See, I think we’re onto something here. Quick, call the networks.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Every time my mini monsters take the cushions off the couch to “build a fort” I am horrified at what lies beneath them. And of course it’s always when there is company over. Stuff accumulates quickly in the cracks of those damn cushions. ;o)

      Liked by 1 person

  13. As a stay at home dad, you know what I want to see? Real Househusbands. I can keep a house just as messy as ANY woman. This much I can promise you. Rather embarassingly, however, I have to confess to having a large collection shoes, clothes and men’s skincare products. Then nobody’s perfect, right? #thetruthabout

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Ha ha ha! I think you might mean the *Tower* of London (where Anne Boleyn lost her head) 🙂 but yes, those programmes just make me cry with laughter (I don’t watch them). I preferred Desperate Housewives at least that had a plotline! Thanks for linking up hon X #thetruthabout

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I don’t watch those shows because I just don’t get rich people. My great-aunt used to say “I have champagne taste but beer money!” She was proud that liked the finer things but glad she couldn’t afford them. She felt that it kept her humble. You might have the right idea though about watching them to help you realize what a great “normal” life you have. It’s like occasionally when I watch Hoarders. After watching that show, I don’t feel so bad that my house is a mess! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

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