~Why Marriage Is A Lot Of Work~

#marriage #work #relationships

My friend Rod over at Modern Dad Pages wrote a piece recently that got me to thinking and wanting to respond in my own way to his question of “Why Do We Say Marriage Is A Lot Of Work?”  He inspired me to want to write a blog post about it rather than leave a 600word essay message  in his comments.

Definition of work: Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result. This is according to a google search.  It’s also the same definition in which Rod used.  Google is a popular place…no wonder their stock price is 660.06 a share and up $24 at this moment.  Oh wait I was talking about marriage here….

What I gather of Rod’s “opinion” is that marriage doesn’t fall under this definition. So let’s break it down…

*Activity ~ That would be the marriage

*Involving Mental or physical effort ~ I don’t know about you but marriage makes me mental.  And I don’t mean this in a bad way…it doesn’t always make me want to stab my husband in the leg with a fork crazy all the time.  Mental is also happy, giddy, sad, aggravated, horny, ….etc.  As far as physical effort?  Hello what’s sex?  And I am sorry, I don’t care if you’ve been together 3 years or 30+ years…sex can sometimes be a physical effort.  Not to mention that when you’re finished, and you have done it right, you are breathing like you just got done exercising.  Exercising, by the definition standards of once again, google, is… activity requiring physical effort, carried out especially to sustain or improve health and fitness and a good sex life.  Yes I added the crossed out part.  Somehow, it just looks like it fits in that definition.

Another form of physical effort…hugging, kissing, wrestling around playing, holding hands, smacking each other across the face ass…etc.  It’s all physical and it all takes some effort …. from each of the participants.

*In order to achieve a purpose or result ~ All of the above must be done to “achieve” a successful marriage and not “result” in divorce.

Rod quoted:

“When I hear people talking about “marriage being a lot of work” it actually strikes a cord deep in me and I have to ask “why is marriage a lot of work, but when you hear people refer to a friend or best friend it flourishes”?

In my “opinion” I think all relationships need work by both parties.  A friendship only flourishes if both friends are making a mental and physical effort to be friends.  Caring about that friend, physically calling or texting that friend, thinking about that friend, having mental images about the times had with that friend.  If none of those are done…the friendship, as a result, dissolves.  And a lifetime friendship is not achieved.

Therefore, marriage and friendships are only successfully attained when both participants inspire towards mental and physical aspects, efforts, attempts, etc. …. all in a result to work together.

Rod also quoted:

You shouldn’t feel like you need to do things to keep them happy rather they should appreciate the small things you do for them. Marriage should be to your best friend and it should flourish rather than feel like “work”!

I agree that you should never feel obligated to make or keep someone happy.  Especially if there is no repercussion from the other person on efforts to make you happy.  But even the little things we do in our marriages and friendships, everyday, are mental and physical in order to achieve a long-lasting result.  If you completely ignore or fail to communicate with one another, there is nothing left to work on.

#marriage #work

For instance, if you go to work and there is nothing left to work on then you are let go(divorce) from said job(marriage).

In conclusion to Rod’s question…”my” answer is this:  marriage is a lot of work due to the fact that by NOT working on it…it won’t exist. It’s mental and physical effort to achieve a successful result.

I want to thank Rod for inspiring me to get my opinionated juices flowing.

What’s your opinion?

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DomesticatedMomster

I am a mother of 5, a wife to 1, and a fully certified domesticated momster who likes to blog about motherhood, marriage, and anything else that pops into my crazy head all with a side of sarcasm and a glass of wine.

82 thoughts on “~Why Marriage Is A Lot Of Work~”

  1. My first thought is how long has Rod been married? Perhaps he hasn’t gotten to the “take your spouse and everything he/she does for granted” stage. If he’s been married a long time and it still doesn’t feel like work, at least occasionally, then he’s a rare breed indeed?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We’ll be celebrating our 39th wedding anniversary this Friday. We have raised 2 beautiful children (girl and boy) and now have a beautiful grandson. Life on it’s own is like a giant roller coaster ride with all the ups and downs but to share the ride with someone who understands you and your faults and visa versa makes for a long and fantastic ride. We are not a perfect couple, but the work part to me is juggling the day to day activities such as work, kids, school, traffic, sports, meals, laundry, in-laws, friends and so on and still show affection for your partner no matter how damn screwed your day was and especially if their day was screwed up too and all it takes is a loving smile and hug.

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  3. My marriage ended because we just couldn’t meet in the middle. When one wanted to work on things, the other didn’t. You are right, both people have to be willing to work with each other and be able to grow with each other. The everyday stuff can get in the way of that if both people don’t make a conscious effort NOT to allow the everyday get to them and still focus on each other even when one or both parties are exhausted. Great post Trista! Love it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Yes I believe that life in general is work. We work towards goals, we work to keep our children alive and healthy, we work to put food on the table, and I work really hard on trying not to lose my mind and end up in the crazy place. lol Thank you for reading my point of view and for commenting. Appreciate the #bloggerlove.

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  4. I left a wordy comment on Rod’s post but basically I agree with you. My husband and I both work at our marriage – as a result I think we have a good marriage. I guess maybe some people have an effortless relationship but if both parties are working equally towards mutual happiness then I think that’s also a desireable outcome.

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    1. Rod had a very good topic that got me really thinking and as I began to leave him a message I realized it was going to be so long that I mine as well just blog about it lol. My husband and are are not huge romantics but we also don’t take what we have for granted in any such way. We are a team in everything…especially our relationship because we are the glue that bonds this family unit together. Thank you for taking the time to read my point of view and comment.

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  5. I agree too, marriage like any other relationship doesn’t just happen – it takes effort by both parties. I think effort is a nice way to say it but essential it means the same thing as work – without it, no one is interested & the relationship ends. Love the new look here Trista!! x

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    1. Thank you 🙂 I love being married…I am married to my best friend…and yes sometimes I don’t like him very much…I love him but nothing is ever that perfect. We love the good and “work” on the bad. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I loved your analogy 🙂

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      1. Thanks Trista 🙂 It is great being married to your best friend but like you said it all takes work. Back with #momsterlink x

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  6. I agree with you. Everything takes work, effort, some kind of brain power. Work is force times distance, and we have to put in some force/effort to go the distance in anything we do, right?

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  7. I am with you here too. there needs to be an active decision to work on the relationship when it needs it. Sometimes it does just flow but with all relationships, understanding doesn’t always come easily. Over a long marriage we also change from the people we were and that adds challenges for both parties to move in the same direction. Great post Trista.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s what happened with me and my ex. I changed, he didn’t and he while he tried to be supportive of the fact that I HAD to change things in my life, once those changes started happening, he couldn’t accept them because he wasn’t prepared for all of the changes that I made for myself. It’s very important to support change in each other but also to recognize whether or not those changes coincide with your changes (or lack thereof).

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    2. Thank you Kirsten! I don’t think of the “work” as a burden…I look at is as an accomplishment well worth the challenge. I love being married and I can honestly say that 75% of the time our marriage runs very smooth! I think it’s just PMS that messes things up 😉

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  8. I agree with you. Marriage and friendships both take ‘work’ in order to, well, work! I recently lost a very good friend due to lack of communication on both our parts. It was very sad but because I made the effort to reach out to her and discussed what had happened, we are now ‘working’ on rebuilding our friendship. Marriage is the same. You need to keep the communication going and sometimes it does indeed take ‘work’ to keep each other happy.
    #wineandboobs

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    1. I remember reading your post about that. I think everything in our lives takes work. It’s just in our nature. Well except for lazy people who don’t want to work and have no responsibility. The rest of us must work to maintain our lives. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

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  9. Marriage definitely takes work (well, mine does!). From communication to spending time together, it’s easy to get swept along by the daily grind and we have to work at getting the balance right in our marriage. Great post! Hx #momsterslink

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  10. Trista, I wholeheartedly agree with you! I believe that all relationships require work. They are not a one way street. I’m no expert on marriage, but I’m pretty sure that if my husband or I stopped giving a damn and decided not to make an effort, our marriage would go down the toilet pretty quickly! #momsterslink xx

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I think friendships take a lot of work – just like any good marriage. If you google losing a friend you get just as many articles as you do for how to work towards a happy and successful marriage. That’s because every relationship (regardless of how its categorised) takes a lot of work and a lot of tears. If it didn’t you wouldn’t be doing it right. In my opinion you’re supposed to challenge each other and sometimes challenging each other means you take a few knocks. In my mind it’s that those knocks help you be the best version of yourself so you flourish as an individual, partner, spouse or friend. Great post. Thanks for getting me thinking about something properly!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess some don’t like to use the word “work” but work is a part of so many categories of our lives. But I just wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have something to work on, at, towards, etc. Everyday life is work but not always in a labored way. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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    1. Thanks for noticing Debbie! I have been playing around with the look as I get bored every couple months lol. These blogs take “work” almost as much as my marriage 😉 Thank you for linking up with me every week…appreciate the #bloggerlove.

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  12. I do think that relationships take a lot of work. I know that when people give up whether they are friends or in a romantic relationship everything goes down the toilet. I have been guilty of letting things slip in my own relationships for one reason or another. I just didn’t put time into the work that needed to be done. It doesn’t require a lot of work…something as simple as a text message which takes 2 minutes can help a relationship. Thanks for hosting #momsterslink
    Kristen

    http://mustachesandprincessmom.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anything that comes with rewards in life takes some form of work. It’s deciding whether or not the work is worth the reward. For me, my marriage and my family are the most important aspect in my life. And whether it’s working on my marriage or working with husband as a team to raise our kids…it all takes work. The good, the bad, and the sometimes just completely crazy ;o)

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  13. effort and empathy. If you can’t put yourself in the other’s shoes and try and see things from their point of view, there will never be resolution to any potential disagreements

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    1. Thanks Becky. I actually enjoy being married. Earlier in my life not so much….I just wanted to be free. But there’s something so rewarding now that I am “older” and each year that goes by and I am still married and enjoying it. Thanks so much for linking up and supporting #momsterslink.

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  14. I couldn’t have said it better myself, love the post. Relationship are so much work and that doesn’t mean it’s negative. Great things come from working hard like success in life and a wonderful relationship. If one side is only giving then that person giving will only resent the other person and eventually there will be nothing left. Thanks for sharing, #momsterlink

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  15. Nicely said my dear 🙂 agreed. We are trying to get better at this 🙂 We had a date night planned tonight but Monkey threw up last night, so I think it will have to be postphoned!! Never mind we will turn of the TV tonight and I will put the blog down and we will drink red wine and play cards – after all we don’t have to be out to have a date 🙂 xx #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I agree! We take date nights because we have 4 kids and sometimes getting out of the house is the only way for us to have a decent conversation without being interrupted constantly. If we stay home we too like to play cards and drink wine :0) Thanks for the comment Clare!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Something just sparked me to write that day. Probably because I do work at marriage but it’s not that it always feels like work. Especially if we work as a team. Thanks so much for linking up and supporting #momsterslink

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  16. I never used to understand the whole “marriage takes work” talk–until I had my daughter. Before that, my husband and I just floated along so easily, rarely fought, etc. But a child truly changes the whole dynamic of a relationship–and though I still feel we have a great relationship, I’m slowly starting to get that it really DOES take effort!

    Great post! Thanks for the reminder 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. :0) Yes I agree that having kids with another person changes everything in a relationship. For me (who easily walked away from relationships when shit got bad) I work harder because there’s more then just time invested.

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  17. Marriage is *definitely* a lot of work. I think I have learnt things about myself – both good and bad through my relationship. I agree with what you said above about children changing it too and I easily walked away from relationships in the past (divorced before now) but it’s not that simple and I guess that is where the extra hard work comes in. Thanks for linking to #thetruthabout hon (sorry for late comment) X

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Hell yeah! We met as teenagers, have been together 18 years and married for only three months and have three kids. Relationships are hard work in general, especially when we’re “comfortable” then everything becomes a bit more of an effort. I’m certainly guilty of being lazy sometimes and not making a huge effort. Great post x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sarah. I have been with my husband for 7 years. The last year has been our hardest I think. Everyone says it’s the 7 year itch lol. Thanks for popping over and taking a read. And congrats on 18 years together!

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  19. I agree. I don’t think you can have a relationship which lasts anytime without a bit of effort and work. People change after time so I think you need to continue to find things in common and find a connection. Maybe some people are very lucky and find themselves in a fairy tale type situation but my wife and I are happy to work on our relationship every day.

    Thanks so much for linking up to #fartglitter x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think one of the benefits of being in a same sex marriage (I’m sure there are lots) but for me it would be that the person has the same hormonal craziness as you do! They understand what rushing through your thoughts cause their thoughts are on the same wavelength as you… I’m sure there are disagreements too with any marriage but like for instance my husband has no clue what my period does to me…if I was a lesbian she would know! I wouldn’t have to explain it every single month. I’m just rambling it’s late and I’m spent. Thanks for hostessing!

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      1. Yes, sometimes we ‘get it’ because we’re female. But her hormonal craziness isn’t a patch on mine so she still thinks I’ve lost it occasionally. Severe downside is suffering through two periods a month though!

        Liked by 1 person

  20. All relationships need work…Maybe during the “honeymoon” phase doesn’t feel like work but after the initial new-ness, it will take work, effort and commitment to nurture the relationship. That’s a fact. Call it what you want, it still takes “work” to make something work. You may enjoy the work and that’s when you know it’s working. #manicmondays

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well said lady. It’s kind of like some people loving the work they do and others not. If working on your marriage becomes more like a chore than I say it’s time to look at a bigger picture. Nothing good in life and worth fighting for comes easy is what I always say.

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  21. I just love this post Trista! Having a failed marriage has taught me so much about relationships, romantic or friendships and they do take work. I have a few great friends who I have to work at the friendship with because our lives get busy and living so far apart from each other makes it harder to connect sometimes. Between work, children, and life in general it’s hard to even make a phone call or send a text when I’m just exhausted. As a result my friends and I don’t talk often but every couple of months, one of us manages to pick up the phone or reach out on Facebook and say “hey how ya doing. Just want you to know that I’m thinking of you. Let’s chat soon” That’s usually followed up with a phone call an hour later, lol! Relationships are the same but you need to be more consistent and I do believe that if you feel this person you’re with is worth the effort then put in the effort. Don’t wait for the ship to sail away without you. Let that person know what’s up. I also agree that “work” doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If we are willing to change our perspective on the word and the idea behind it, it can be a lot of fun, especially in a relationship. Thanks so much for linking this great post up with me at #manicmonday

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks doll. This is actually an older post but one I am quite proud of. I think everything that is worth something in your life takes working at it. Nothing comes easy. My marriage has seen a lot of boulders this past year but I have noticed my hubby trying a little harder at being more present on his days off and I appreciate his efforts. As for my friendships I could probably work on those a little harder. Thanks for hostessing lovely!

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