~ Top Reasons Why Being Female Sucks Sometimes~

Let’s face it, from the time we are born there are times that being female just sucks stinks is dreadful.

Potty Training ~  I had a boy and two girls and let me just tell you that potty training for boys is a cinch.  They can just whip that wiener out anywhere and go…half the time without anyone even noticing nor aiming for anything in particular.  But as a girl we have to find a bathroom, squat in the bushes and hope we don’t get it on our pants all while hoping we have something to wipe with (leaves work wonders).  If we are in a public restroom we have to layer paper on the seat or hover until our thighs feel like someone lit them with a flame about give out.

Adolescence ~ Bring on the boobs and the menstrual cycle and all the hormonal changes that are accompanied by the blossoming like a snap dragon years.  Still in a stage of thinking that boys have cooties while they are over there coming up with nick-names to call your boobs.  Yes I know this from first hand experience which you can read about here.  There’s the dealing with mean girls and the constant feeling of wanting to fit in.  Then when you finally do discover boys you also discover that they are nothing but a bunch of testosterone induced assholes jerks.

Womanhood ~  Getting married, changing your name and all the paperwork it entails.  I mean seriously it takes everything including giving your blood!  If you work in a predominantly male environment you are constantly trying to prove you are capable of walking all over keeping up with them.  If you work with a bunch of females you are constantly trying to refrain from stabbing someone yourself from all the drama.  Men get to age like fine wine while women get called things like “cougars”.  It’s ok to see some old guy with a young girl but an older woman with a younger man and let the gossip begin.  WHY?  Why does there have to be a label?  Cougars seek out their prey.  I have never had to seek out a man…they come out of nowhere.  How would they like to be called Praying Mantis’?

Here’s a few other reason’s why it sucks to be a female:

You’re expected to shave everything.  I don’t care what they say about bush coming back…there is no man on the planet that likes to have to hack his way with a machete seek through the jungle to get to the gold.  Do men even know what we go through to achieve such a beautiful “landing strip”.  Seriously, do men need help finding the runway?

Putting make-up on.  Ok, maybe you don’t have to wear make-up but speaking for myself I won’t leave the house without at least mascara on…otherwise I look like the boy from the movie “Powder”.  And if I am wanting to compare myself to Kate Upton for the night then that requires a full on face-off surgeon at least 30 minutes of make-up application.  And I still don’t look as good as she probably does when she just rolls out of bed in the morning.

Tampons ~ Need I say more?

Emotional.  It doesn’t matter if it’s PMS or a Kleenex commercial, there is going to be crying involved.  Along with the other C words of crazy, catty, and cuckoo.  That other C word I won’t even whisper in fear that it may start WWIII.  There is also insane, psycho, lunatic…just to name a few.  Doctors claim there is medication for all of it…I say just drink wine.

High heels.  I don’t wear them and I highly suggest that you don’t either… otherwise this is what your feet are going to look like…I am not a podiatrist  but I am licensed to do pedicures.

Your feet were not meant to be bunched up and extended to such extremes.

Hair-do’s.  How it must be so nice to be a male and just get out of the shower, slap some gel on or put a hat on your head and go….all while still looking fabulous.  Sure I could cut my hair as short as my husbands and do the same, but I don’t wish to be my husband’s identical twin.  DISCLAIMER:  Nothing wrong with having short hair…been there…done that….burned the pictures.

Did I mention boobs?  What is the craze about boobs?  I seriously don’t get it.  Maybe because I am not a man, but I would guess that a man’s balls are about the equivalent anatomy to that of a woman’s boobs, yet you don’t see women running around staring at men’s balls ok maybe not.

Orgasm.  Again, need I say more?

Giving birth.  Let’s just imagine the world if men had to push babies out of the holes of their manhood penises…..keep imagining….  Poof! There goes that thought along with mankind.

Wardrobe.  I could wear the same pair of jeans, three times during the month, and every time, they look different on me.  I also can’t just throw on a t-shirt and it looks good.  It has to be a certain size to fit my boobs and I refuse to wear anything that isn’t V-neck.  And if I find a t-shirt that I absolutely love and fits perfectly…I AM AFRAID TO WASH IT.

Putting up with men.  This is a no brainer.  Men are non-communitive, unemotional, unattached, simple, horny, effortless, restrained, orgasmic one track minded individuals that we women have no idea how to interpret.  And then wonder why we are crazy.

To Be Continued~

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