bad parenting raising kids right

Why Are Parents Beating Ourselves Up Over Not Spending Enough Time With Our Kids?

Lately I have seen a lot of blog posts in regards to parents beating ourselves up over not spending enough time with our kids.

The truth is there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything that we “wish” we could accomplish.  This includes spending ample time with our children.  And quite honestly what is the perfect ample time amount?

Kids grow fast, life passes by without us noticing sometimes.  Like one minute we are sipping on pumpkin lattes and the next we are sun-kissing our bodies in the middle of summer.  And in that short amount of time our kids are getting bigger and we, *gasps*, are getting older.

bad parenting raising kids

So why are we beating ourselves up over whether or not we are spending enough time with our kids?

Ask yourself at the end of the day ~

Did my child eat today?  Even if it was Top Ramen with a side of canned fruit.

Was my child clothed today? No one says your children have to look like they just walked out of a kids fashion boutique.  You can put clean clothes on the kids in the morning and before noon it looks like they have been in them for a week.  KIDS ARE FILTHY CREATURES.  And they don’t care that their clothes are dirty so why should we?  Why should we change their clothes every time they get dirty just to make more laundry for ourselves?  I say hell yes to pajama days!

Did I give my child love and affection sometime throughout the day?  Just a hug and an “I love you” goes a long way.

bad parenting raising kids right

Did I sacrifice something for them today?  Even if that entails not finishing a cup of coffee because in the midst of trying to drink said cup of coffee you have now refereed 3 arguments, a meltdown, hearing “STOOOOOOP” for the 100th time, and cleaned some kind of spilled food off any given surface.  **takes sip of said coffee, it’s cold, debates re-heating it in the microwave when another crisis erupts**

Did I get upset or irritated at them at least once today?  Yep, that’s right…if you aren’t getting upset with your kids at least once a day then you’re not doing it right.  We are PARENTS.  That means getting upset and fixing the situation by disciplining your kids is called PARENTING.  There’s too many parents trying to be their kids best friends and that’s partly to blame why we have youth that are out of control.

Does my kid have a warm, safe place to sleep?  A blanket and pillow on the floor is good.  Why you ask?  Because that’s where they fell asleep and I will be damned if I am going to wake the little trolls up.  **sips wine**

bad parenting raising kids right

Did I spend quality time with my child today?  This doesn’t mean that you have to pay attention to them every waking moment.  Smothering them in attention just makes them grow up NEEDING constant attention.   It’s ok to have time for yourself and let them fry their brains watching YouTube videos.  It’s ok to TAKE A SHOWER with the door locked!  It’s ok to feel like you are about to lose your mind so you put them to bed an hour early, pour yourself a cocktail, and wash the daily grind off in a nice bubble bath.

It simply means that you took time in the day to take care of their needs…2 maybe 3 dozen times…and enjoyed these tiny little lives that you created.

Truth is, unless you are just completely absent and someone else is raising your kids for you…as long as you are present and doing everything you “humanly” can to take care of them then you’re spending plenty of time with them.  Give yourself a big pat on the back.

Below are some examples of bad parenting…

bad parenting raising kids right
I am quite certain that pissing on your kids head is not real good parenting.

 

bad parenting raising kids right
Please take note that this is not keeping your child safe.

 

bad parenting raising kids right
This looks like a 70’s circa picture where this would still be considered bad parenting…even if the gun wasn’t loaded.

 

Kids are kids and actually very simple little creatures to make happy.  Does parenting take a lot of effort? Hell yes it does! Some days it sucks the life right out of you and some days you just want to smother them to death with your uncontrollable, unconditional love for them.

One day you’re looking at them wondering where the time has gone and the next you are anxiously waiting for them to get the fu*k out of the house so you can turn their room into a sex chamber for you and the spouse hobby area.

bad parenting raising kids right

They are going to grow up regardless of how much or how little time you are spending with them.  There is no perfect amount.  It’s what works for you and keeps you from going completely crazy and sometimes you aren’t going to have a choice but to spend every waking moment with them because you are their parents and that is your job.

bad parenting raising kids right

But this doesn’t mean sacrifice your sanity or beat yourself up because you decided to take 2 hours out of the day to yourself.  Hell I have taken almost entire days sometimes.  I just make sure I am loaded up on activities that they can entertain themselves with.  That don’t require any help from me to carry out.

It’s not being a bad parent or not spending enough time…it’s being HUMAN!

From one crazy, tired, stressed, happy, loving parent to another,

Domesticated Momster Signature
I am linking this post with the following fab linkys…

Domesticated Momster
My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
Cuddle Fairy
Mummuddlingthrough

Published by

DomesticatedMomster

I am a mother of 5, a wife to 1, and a fully certified domesticated momster who likes to blog about motherhood, marriage, and anything else that pops into my crazy head all with a side of sarcasm and a glass of wine.

77 thoughts on “Why Are Parents Beating Ourselves Up Over Not Spending Enough Time With Our Kids?”

  1. Loved this post and as an anxious first time parent to be, put my mind at rest a little! It sounds selfish but I’m nervous about giving myself and my alone time up completely, but hearing this from an experienced parent makes me feel much better! #FartGlitter

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved this post because as a first time mum-to-be it’s put my mind at rest a little! I’m nervous about having myself and my alone time completely taken over, so it’s good to hear from an experienced parent that sometimes doing what you have to do to look after yourself is ok! #FartGlitter

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh at first you will WANT to give up everything for that baby and it’s ok …it’s your first and it’s new and beautiful but eventually yes you will realize that taking a time out for yourself is not only good for you but baby too as you are a better mommy … Happy adventures to you and your new soon to be bundle of love!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! So glad you could relate to it. I wrote it in hopes other parents could relate. We really do need to realize that kids are simple creatures, easily entertained, and all they really require is to know you love them and are present. I make plenty of sacrifices for my kids and I accepted that the day I decided to have a baby but it doesn’t mean that I have to lose who I am as well. Taking a time out just makes me a better mommy. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol. Exactly. I grew up an only child raised with my grandparents and spent a lot of time alone entertaining myself and I turned out fine. I don’t need the constant company of someone else and these days ADORE my alone time when I get it. Thanks for dropping by :))

      Like

  3. Sound advice and there is information out there to suggest that in today world we spend more time with kids. I have learnt to step back it has helped my boys being independent and not relying on mummy to entertain them 24/7. You have to be realistic,. I struggled with comments that say you have to enjoy them while they are young, housework can wait. no it cant we would be dead the pile of washing and social services coming round 😉 X #fartglitter

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes if I didn’t take time out everyday to do some housework it would begin to look like an episode of hoarders around here. Not to mention kids are just full of germs and dirt and whatever else lurks on them. I mean if my kid projectile vomits all over their room you better believe I will spend the entire next day disinfecting the shit out of every surface. And I totally agree that giving kids space also teaches them a bit of independence … I want them to be independent adults someday who know how to rely on themselves. Thanks so much for popping over and commenting :))

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You seriously need a “Love” button on this. “Like” doesn’t even come close. I knew from the title that I would enjoy it, and then I got to the first image of what not to do: “I am quite certain that pissing on your kids head is not real good parenting.” and my face hurt from laughing. Thank you for brightening up my afternoon and sharing this on #fartglitter xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t that hilarious! I couldn’t believe when I found the gem of an image on the Internet. I was like oh yeah I’m doing a waaaaay better job than that guy lol. I also love the one of the birds in the best for my husband can’t wait to be an empty nester and I cry at the thought. Thanks for reading and leaving such an awesome comment and of course for hostessing #fartglitter :))

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw yep, the birds one made me chuckle too. I’m not scared though, almost positive that my little man will still be at home until he’s 47 (Mummy’s boy!) Thanks so much for having me over at #monsterslink and for being an all round superstar hostess! 😘 xx

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on BigandPinkyToes and commented:
    When I was working a more stressful job or had a longer commute, this was on ongoing issue for me. I get to spend A LOT more time at home now though, thank the lord and my dear friends who helped land me a fantastic job.

    Do you struggle with this too? Is this on point? Do you spend so much time with your kids that you actually need time away? What do you all think?

    Like

  6. Love this! I read so many posts about mummy guilt. It’s so refreshing to read a post that says you know what, you don’t have to feel guilty about being human. Those photos are shocking, although I did have a laugh at the one of the baby with the seatbelt, simply because I am assuming it was done as a demo for why you need a car seat rather than someone actually driving around like that.
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
    Debbie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really do think too many parents worry about the effects they are having on their children but the truth is as long as you’re present and there when they need you it’s all good! Thanks for hostessing Debbie!

      Like

  7. Absolutely spot on, on every point. Parenting is a hard enough challenge without us feeling guilty over silly things. And I for one will no longer feel guilty for that 10 minute shower with the door LOCKED from now on! #BloggerClubUK

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thanks for this! I think because we’re so overwhelmed with love for these little demanding beings, we set ourselves completely unrealistic standards to live up to with our parenting. I’d like to think we’re all doing the best job we can and we need to give ourselves a break every now and again. #BloggerClubUK

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I wish I’d found you years ago! You’re right, so I’m working on it: 1. Lower my expectations. 2. Teach them to make their own breakfast as soon as they’re old enough (3?) to pull a chair over to the cereal cupboard. Better idea – move the cereal down to the plastic storage container cupboard! They won’t need to climb on a chair AND they can use a plastic tub to eat from (Probably only have to be 2!). 4. Because we live in a drought-prone area, we have a 55 gallon drum we use to collect gray water and rain. There isn’t any reason they can’t clean their precious little selves in THAT! The garden doesn’t care if the water’s dirty. There are probably more things I can do, but it’s hard to think over the baby’s crying. Oh, here’s one: 5. Buy more wine.

    I’m with you – they’ll be fine, and every parent deserves a trophy just for participating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Participation! I know so many parents who don’t so I really feel I need to remind myself that I’m doing great and just need a participation reward! I too put stuff in low places for them to get their own breakfast. Let’s face it .. Parents deserve to sleep in sometimes 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I’d I could hug a post this would be it.

    I think back to my childhood and I’m pretty sure not every waking moment was attending to my needs. My parents may remember differently.

    I like the point about feeling irritated at least once meaning you’re doing okay. They’re pushing boundaries and thats part of development. I may not like it but it’s better than Midwich Cuckoos (and that didn’t end well…).

    #BloggerClubUK

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think our parents had it so much easier than we do today. Getting everyone in the car for example. Back then it took a minute because there were no car seats….today it takes 30 minutes just to get them in the car and ready to go somewhere. Thanks for popping in.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. All so true. Parents do make themselves feel guilty for way too many things. It can go on and on if you let it…so generally I don’t, or at least do my damnedest not to. I agree that some parents give their kids way too much attention and it is totally detrimental, as they grow needy and attention seeking, when actually kids are very self sufficient and independent creatures if we let them. I love the examples of bad parenting…that baby’s face in the car! Alison x

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I seriously LOVE this post! Had to show it to hubby! Brilliant. Love the photos too! So refreshing to hear a realistic perspective. There’s so much pressure these days. I love my little boy more than anything but I also look forward to nap time and bed times every day – time for me and to get things done!! X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too! Although my kids don’t nap anymore and haven’t for a few years now. So I have them to bed by 8….sometimes 7 depending on the day 😉 But we mommies need that time to ourselves … It makes us better mommies.

      Like

  13. In a lot of agreement with this, as you say too much fuss and your creating neediness, at some stage your kids are going to have to grow up and become independent and you don’t want to be wiping bums for the rest of your days! (Also partial to a good PJ day) #momsterslink thanks for hosting. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I have just made the decision to go back to work full time after having my second baby. It’s been such a hard decision to make but I always felt like I was having a day at home because I had to as a mum. Unfortunately/fortunately I am the bread winner and knowing the pressure is on me to progress I really want to be able to get back to work and crack on but feel there is a reliance on me to have time with my children. I’m glad there are other mum’s out there who feel the same! Thank you for hosting #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t wait to go back to work and sometimes I feel guilty about feeling that way but my youngest will be 5 and I will have spent over 7 years being a SAHM. I’m with my kids 24/7 and that’s why I take timeouts … Otherwise I might have gone back to work a long time ago and a lot of sacrifices would have had to be made. Thanks so much for linking up. :))

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I seriously LOVE this post! Had to show it to hubby! Brilliant. Love the photos too! So refreshing to hear a realistic perspective. There’s so much pressure these days. I love my little boy more than anything but I also look forward to nap time and bed times every day – time for me and to get things done!! Thank you for hosting!X #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I love this post. I know I already told you that up above a few comments or so, but I have literally read it three days in a row since you posted. Your honesty, humor and writing so neatly and magically describe real parental life. The good, the bad, and the ugly, straight down to the cold coffee. Thank you for that. It’s not just us, our family, Me and the Mrs. that feel this way. And yes, in a blink of an eye, it will be over. Oy vey…slow down this wild ride. I want to home life them…is that so wrong? Thanks for this post and being the fab hostess of #momsterlink each week! Mwah! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwww thank you for the awesome comment. I wrote it hoping that other parents could relate to it. Parenting is hard work but so rewarding when those little creatures love you like no one else can. But it’s ok to want to take a breather. :))

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I have more than one day when I beat myself up and say I can do better, but then I realise they are still alive , I haven’t killed them yet, I remember to feed them, wash them, clothe them and take the time for many snuggles on the sofa. They don’t complain so I can’t be doing that bad of a job. Lovely post #momster

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I ask my kids everyday if they’ve had fun. What the best part of their day was and what was the worst and so far I always get “there wasn’t a worst part” so yep I realize it was ok that I spent a couple hours reading or blogging or just doing whatever. Thanks for linking :))

      Like

  18. So, don’t leave the gun on the floor next to the baby….huh! Who knew. Just kidding! I’m Canadian. We don’t do guns. Actually we have to restrain ourselves from laughing when US border agents ask us if we are bringing guns. No, we are not, but you better check with the baby.

    Okay, back to the post. I really love this post. I really believe that my son needs to learn how to entertain himself for at least a little bit. I am a teacher who has seen plenty of those kids who need constant attention. Not pretty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I grew up an only child and was forced to spend a lot of time by myself as I lived with my grandparents who were much too old to be raising a child. I learned very quickly how to entertain myself. I have given my kids siblings and therefore on the days that mommy doesn’t feel much like being the center of attention they still have each other.

      As for that picture with the baby with the gun it’s borderline disturbing like seriously who thought that was cute enough to take a picture?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We learned to entertain ourselves as well. If we said we were bored we got a chore to do, so we never said it.

        That gun thing is messed up. I can only hope they knew it wasn’t loaded, because apparently they decided taking a picture was better than getting the baby away from it. Yikes!

        Liked by 1 person

  19. We’re always beating ourselves up aren’t we? I just yelled at the boys the other day because they were arguing with other and blaming each other for something small and over a toy. I lost my patience with them but having conversations with them about it later after the heat of the moment has faded, always helps alleviate the guilt I always feels when I yell at them. Thanks so much for hosting #momsterlink Trista!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I too always discuss with my kids why I lost my shit. After I have calmed down of course. But kids need to know there are limits and the consequences when they are pushed. Otherwise they are just going to walk all over you. Thanks so much for linking up and I’ll apologize now for being behind…I’m on vacation and woke up early just to try to get some blog comments done as they were piling up.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I’m guilty of this. I think part of it is guilt over the situation with the teenager. I think that if I was around more at night things wouldn’t have gotten so bad with her and her mom. Its always good to be reminded that I am doing the best that I can. Thank you for that #momsterlink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ugh I’m not looking forward to teenage years with my daughters. You can’t beat yourself up about having to work nights. It’s being a provider. Unfortunately in most cases both parents have to work. Thanks for linking up :))

      Like

  21. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Why do we feel guilty even if we spent the entire 24 hours with our children? When is enough? When is never enough? We have to take a step back and breathe and remember that we are human too. #momsterlink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I’m a better mommy when I take a timeout. My kids are all close in age and perfectly capable of entertaining one another for awhile so mommy can do something SHE wants to do. Thanks for linking toots!

      Like

  22. You make a lot of good points. I agree that parents don’t need & shouldn’t be entertaining their kids all day long, giving them full attention. It’s great to let kids play their own games. Everything you listed is right on – food, clothes, safe home, loved & cared for & a bit of quality time every day. It sounds perfect. Somedays I don’t get much quality time with the kids then others we will have special days where it’s an all day fun event. #MomsterLink x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve just decided that I’m in their presence 24/7 so if I want to take a few hours or even a day to sit and blog or clean that it’s not going to kill them. They are happy kids. I ask them all the time and the answer is always yes. Thanks for linking up my friend and I’ll apologize now for delay in commenting as I’m on vacation for 2 weeks and trying to get blogging in here and there. How many more sleeps til BritMums?

      Liked by 1 person

  23. I love this because we can all relate to it, I doubt there isn’t a Mummy on the planet who hasn’t felt this way at one time or another. I always feel guilty for so many things, but not giving my children the individual attention I feel they deserve will always be something I struggle with. As you say, the important things are the ones that matter and as long as our children have all of those needs fulfilled, we are doing an amazing job. #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. I always ask my kids at the end of each day if they had fun and if they are happy and the answer is always yes. Unless of course we have a bad bedtime 😁 but as long as they are smiling throughout the day then we are doing it right. Thanks for linking up and I will apologize for the delay in all commenting as I’m on vacation and trying to get blogging in here and there.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Could not have said it better myself! A big yes to PJ days! Those bad parenting photos are something else lol! As for getting irritated, I agree, we need to be good parents and that means sometimes being the bad guy xxx #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I usually make daddy be the bad guy when he is home. He is better at it then me lol. But I still let the kids know when they are reaching mommies breaking point. They are learning. Thanks for linking up.

      Like

  25. As a SAHM, I often find I have seriously unrealistic expectations sometimes. I try and get EVERYTHING done, and take time to play with my 14-month-old and then feel bad that night because I didn’t sing the ABCs with him and instead put him in front of the TV. Thank you so much for reminding me that we ARE humans and it’s okay to take time to ourselves. ❤ #coolmumclub

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Actually I think we probably spend WAY more time with our kids than many of our parents did. We just have ridiculous expectations of ourselves, and just love to put a downer on things hey?! Totally agree with this and thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely Trista x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am learning to let go of expectations and do what works for me. At the end of the day my kids are happy and alive and that’s going my job right. Thanks so much for hostessing! I still have commenting to do and promise to get to it as I’m on vacation and trying to fit blogging in here and there.

      Like

  27. great post. I find I do this as well. Sometimes there’s so much to do in one day and the days run out so fast that I have to ask myself did I spend enough time with my son. But I think its so easy to get caught up in trying to be a good parent that we dont realize we are doing great. With time I hope to cut myself some more slack.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s