momlife swear jar humor

How You Know It’s Time For The Kids To Go Back To School

I don’t know about you but I am counting down the minutes seconds days for my little ones to go back to school.

I remember that I couldn’t wait for school to be out and not have to wake up to an alarm clock or rush around like a psychopath mad woman to get the kids up, dressed, fed, and off to three different schools.

We had all these summer vacations and fun plans and memories to make.   Well now here it is almost the middle of August and I am DONE with them being home all day. *pulls hair out*

And here is a list of reasons why:

*My wine budget has far exceeded any Christmas budget we have ever had.

back to school kids parenting humor

*The liquor cabinet is on rations.  Sometimes wine doesn’t cut it so I have had to get into the hard stuff.  Sometimes this is before noon.

*I have heard the word mommy, mom, mama, and mother so many times that I am contemplating changing my name to bitch so that they can’t call me by my name.

*If we are stuck in the house it’s like a prison sentence.  There is only so much patience that I have left for crafts, teaching, and anything else that doesn’t involve technology.  Have you ever tried doing crafts with 3 little people? It takes longer to get everything out and ready and to clean up the mess, then we spend on actually doing the craft.  Plus I have had to use some of the craft supplies budget to add to the wine budget.  Don’t judge me.

*It’s hot outside and the summer toys have lost their lustre.  Hell, they were bored with those 2 weeks into the summer holiday.  *misses the days of having a pool*  The outside cement has been decorated so many times with sidewalk chalk that when the dog lays in it she’s 10 different shades of color when she gets up.  My children have also discovered that chalk and water makes for great paint.  They will lay in it and then make little human body prints everywhere.  This is usually right after I have given them a shower.  Now I just play mommy dearest and they get the hose.

*I play referee more times in one day than an NFL professional referee does in an entire season of football.  God for bid one of them destroys something on the others Minecraft bullshit.  You would think that the actual house was on fire and all it is, is a video game that I still can’t understand their obsession with.

sex in the shower gif

*I can’t remember the last time my husband and I had sex that didn’t qualify as a quickie in the shower.  You know the whole “Mommy and daddy are going to go get dressed  now so don’t come knock on the door 5 gazillion times tattling or asking for something” routine.  And then you lock the door and pray that they don’t unlock it…because yes, my kids know how to do that with a toothpick!

*I am trying to get them back into an early to bed routine.  The. struggle. is. real. and some nights I just give up and go to bed myself in hopes they won’t kill each other destroy something while I’m sleeping.

*I need to get back to the gym and I would like to have time to write a blog post without 1,000 interruptions.  Oh and did I mention my hair is falling out…or maybe that’s from me actually tugging on it several times throughout the day.

*I miss my alone time and can gradually feel my sanity slipping away.  I just might have to take money from the school supplies budget to hold me over on the wine since I still have 22 days to go.  *rolls her eyes as far back into her head as they can go* They don’t need new shoes right?  I can just cut holes in the ends of the old ones.  Again don’t judge me.

drinking wine humor

Counting the days to getting my sanity back,

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I am linking this post with the following fabulous linkys


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Rhyming with Wine
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I am a mother of 5, a wife to 1, and a fully certified domesticated momster who likes to blog about motherhood, marriage, and anything else that pops into my crazy head all with a side of sarcasm and a glass of wine.

84 thoughts on “How You Know It’s Time For The Kids To Go Back To School”

  1. Can I get one of those jars?! 😂 feel sorry for me… I manage to get them off to school, but will follow them straight there…being given a teacher! Swap 2 brats for 40!!!! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Trista you are singing my song right now! I am so ready for summer to be over so I can get back to my routine! I haven’t worked out all summer either and it’s starting to take it’s toll on me physically and mentally. I also started buying more wine than usual in recent weeks. So glad I’m not alone in this! I need a mom jar too! Yay for mom jars!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know I’ll be sad as I have one starting 1st grade, one starting kindergarten, and the other starting “official” preschool. But I guarantee 5 minutes after I pull away from the school I’ll be jumping turning up the radio and running to the gym!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re almost there!!!! Daycare was always worse in the summer because we’d think there would be a slow day and then all of a sudden, we get these desperate calls from moms who need to utilize drop in care for a few hours so they could try to remember why they ever had kids. Maybe you should seek out a daycare and dump them for the day. Sure, the workers will curse you behind your back- but the kids will live to see another day!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You made me laugh so much! I feel your pain! Your new name B…. sounds like a plan. So true when you say it takes more time to get all the stuff out and then clean up than the actual activity! I hate crafting!!!! I reckon it will have to change when Baba is older, Oh god! At least you still manage a quickie! Some people don’t get this privilege you know? LOL Love the GIF you put with it. 22 days? Nearly there. How long is the summer holiday in the USA? #BloggerClubUK .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Trust me you will find unique ways to fit in those quickies. I am quite certain my 5 year old daughter was conceived as a quickie in the closet lol. Our summer vacation started June 9 and they go back Aug 29. And the biggest problem is there is absolutely no summer daycare here so even on days that I feel like possibly saving my sanity and dropping them off at daycare there isn’t one. Not a lot of summer activities for little kids…just older ones. And it seems the older they get the harder it gets to keep them entertained. Thanks for popping over loves!


  5. Yes yes yes! These holidays are playing havoc with my bloglife! Not to mention the fact that I haven’t been able to have my cheeky hour of “Mummy TV” while the littlest one naps and the big one is at nursery. There is a distinct lack of “Love Island” and or “Greys Anatomy” going on in this house right now and I don’t like it. I’m coming to yours. You evidently have wine! 🙂 Thanks for linking hon #fartglitter x

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not long now lovely. I do know what you mean though. It’s a battle! Personally I salute you as you seem to be spinning those plates pretty well having read about your adventures this summer 🙂 Thanks for being such a fab host x

        Liked by 1 person

  6. 3 month holiday?! Now that’s just too long in anyone’s book, ok maybe not a teacher’s book, seriously though almost 3 months – phew! It’s funny my post this week couldn’t be more opposite from yours (please don’t hate me!!!!). In fact I wouldn’t usually recommend that people don’t read my posts but in this case….. 🙂
    I’m kidding, I really feel for you having 4 at home for such a long time, I only have 2 so they’re relatively manageable (most days)!
    You can do this, with enough wine and caffeine, you can do this! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh believe it or not…behind all the sarcasm is a mom who couldn’t imagine life without her kids. I was single and motherless for 36 years. It was very lonely sometimes. So I just remember those times when they are all driving me insane! lol. Thanks for dropping by!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I hear you. We managed two back to back vacations within the last month of school. First vacation went fantastic…second vacation is no vacation at all. We are all haters. What.was.I.thinking.

    I need my school routine back so badly right now.

    On the bright side it is vacation so I can drink starting with bloody marys for breakfast.


    Liked by 1 person

  8. I LOVE your quotes, these are hilarious!! I so need a Mom jar, I’d be a millionaire by the end of the week! We don’t go back until the 6th September so still a while yet, plus the weather has been crappy and I’ve had no car all holidays so we have been cooped up going stir crazy! Not fun at all!! I’ll be gutted when they go back though, those 7am starts are always a killer!! #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it’s a catch 22. The summer means lounge around in the mornings and not have to get up and go but at the same time it’s finding anything and everything to entertain them. It’s been a busy summer for all of us and I am just looking forward to those few hours of alone time. Well unless the hubby is home then I don’t get alone time…but we do stuff like go to breakfast or the gym together.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh Trista! I feel bad but this really did make me giggle!!! You are hilarious. But at the same time, I feel your pain!
    Wine budget definitely takes priority!
    I hope you enjoy camping and it restores some sanity! 🙂 X #momtsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Camping was great. Sad that it will be our last trip of the summer vacation and I still have two weeks to entertain the kids but I am a survivor and thankfully today they are all on the down low side after 4 days of go go go, sun, and water. Thanks for linking! Hope to see you Thursday!


  10. This post is hilarious, and unfortunately sooooooo true! I definitely need a mom jar, and I think you need a bolt for the bathroom door, see them get past that!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This may be one of my favorite posts ever from you. I rolled on the floor laughing. My puppy Gatsby came over and tried puppy-nip me while I chortled heartily. The Mrs. and I can relate to each and every syllable of this one. ❤ ❤ ❤ Pure genius you are Trysta! #momsterlink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know what it’s like to only have one to hang out with. Entertaining three sometimes can be physically and emotionally draining. I will be interested to see how you do. Golf perhaps? I am thinking about taking up that hobby again. Used to play 2 or 3 times a week before I had kids. And we took all of them miniature golfing last week and my 5 year old daughter REALLY liked it and is actually really good at putting. I am thinking that I might just have to teach her the game. Thanks for linking up!


  12. I’m kinda the other way – anxious about school starting. I like the summer pace. But I work, so it’s different. But my husband and I work less. And the kids are in daycare – but we all still see more of each other, but without having to make lunches and do homework. And they spend their days at parks and doing crafts and riding bikes and stuff. Both are in school next year so then it REALLY starts. I’m not sure how that’s gonna go. But I get how it’s different if you are at home with them – three cheers to the end in sight and structure/alone time on the horizon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Last year was my fist year that I got a few hours a day to myself and it just truly makes me a better mommy. Sometimes I just sit in silence while they are gone. Because silence in a house of 6 is very rare. I will have 3 of my 4 in school all day and the youngest who is 4 will be gone for a few hours in the morning. Next year I am home free but most likely will be returning to work.


  13. Hang on in there! You can do it. I really feel your pain – not this year , because with mine being older they have gone on holidays with friends and I’ve been down to 1 kid. HOWEVER, this was me in many, many previous years. Next week I have 70 kids every day to entertain on Taekwon-do camp. The wine is already racked up 🙂 Alison x #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I actually contemplated coaching my girls soccer team this year but they aren’t on the same team therefore I couldn’t do it. Now I am almost glad but I know at some point I am going to have to either coach, volunteer, be team mom, dance mom, or some kind of something with all the activities they partake in. Hope your camp week is a fun one and you don’t run out of wine!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think the older they get the more entertaining they need. When they were babies they were so easy! All it took was some boob and cuddling. And when they were toddlers it was tupperware and some pots and pans. Now it’s like even Disneyland wouldn’t woo them for more than an hour. Thanks for linking!


    1. Two more weeks and counting! Now it’s just getting all the stuff needed to start school. I am always the mom in the store on the weekend before trying to gather up scraps of whats left in hopes that they won’t notice on the first day of school lol. Thanks for linking and hope to see you again Thursday!


  14. This sounds like a nightmare! And I just read in the comments above that the school holiday started on 29 June and they’re still not over!?! No wonder you’re almost demented. Good luck with the last couple of weeks! #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it has been a long 3 months but we have done a lot of stuff this summer and made a lot of great memories that I hope someday they will realize were an absolute sacrifice of the daddy and I’s sanity. Thanks so much for linking and taking the time to comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Omg I just love you!!! I can’t fricking wait for school to start, but then I think ugh I will still have a terrible two monster at home and no big kids to help me. #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I can’t believe you don’t have summer care. That’s a long time to be an entertainer/teacher/mum Craft activities shouldn’t be done at home. Too flipping messy and my daughters attention span lasts about 5 mins #bloggerclubuk

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I have driven my husband batty this summer as on all his days off I have insisted that we must go camping or get out of the house for those days. And even then if they aren’t constantly doing something they are driving the daddy and I crazy. I keep trying to tell them that the older you get the more rest you need. They don’t seem to be listening. Thanks for popping over!

      Liked by 1 person

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