I wrote this post about a year ago. I made a few revisions and it’s my pick for Throwback Thursday.
My friend Rod over at Modern Dad Pages wrote a piece recently that got me to thinking and wanting to respond in my own way to his question of “Why Do We Say Marriage Is A Lot Of Work?” He inspired me to want to write a blog post about it rather than leave a
600 word essay message in his comments.
Definition of work: Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result. This is according to a google search. It’s also the same definition in which Rod used. Google is a popular place…no wonder their stock price is 660.06 a share and up $24 at this moment. Oh wait I was talking about marriage here….
UPDATE: Google today is worth 779.51 a share.
What I gather of Rod’s “opinion” is that marriage doesn’t fall under this definition. So let’s break it down…
*Activity ~ That would be the marriage
*Involving Mental or physical effort ~ I don’t know about you but marriage makes me mental. And I don’t mean this in a bad way…it doesn’t always make me want to
stab my husband in the leg with a fork crazy all the time. Mental is also happy, giddy, sad, aggravated, horny, ….etc.
As far as physical effort? Hello what’s sex? And I am sorry, I don’t care if you’ve been together 3 years or 30+ years…sex can sometimes be a physical effort. Not to mention that when you’re finished, and you have done it right, you are breathing like you just got done running a 5k marathon with a toddler strapped to your back. Exercising, by the definition standards of once again, google, is… activity requiring physical effort, carried out especially to sustain or improve health and fitness
and a good sex life. Yes I added the crossed out part. Somehow, it just looks like it fits in that definition.
UPDATE: I need more physical activity lately.
Another form of physical effort…hugging, kissing, wrestling around playing, holding hands, smacking each other across the
face ass…etc. It’s all physical and it all takes some effort …. from each of the participants.
*In order to achieve a purpose or result ~ All of the above must be done to “achieve” a successful marriage and not “result” in divorce.
“When I hear people talking about “marriage being a lot of work” it actually strikes a cord deep in me and I have to ask “why is marriage a lot of work, but when you hear people refer to a friend or best friend it flourishes”?
In my “opinion” I think all relationships need work by both parties. A friendship only flourishes if both friends are making a mental and physical effort to be friends. Caring about that friend, physically calling or texting that friend, thinking about that friend, having mental images about the times had with that friend. If none of those are done…the friendship, as a result, dissolves. And a lifetime friendship is not achieved.
Therefore, marriage and friendships are only successfully attained when both participants inspire towards mental and physical aspects, efforts, attempts, etc. …. all in a result to work together.
Rod also quoted:
You shouldn’t feel like you need to do things to keep them happy rather they should appreciate the small things you do for them. Marriage should be to your best friend and it should flourish rather than feel like “work”!
I agree that you should never feel obligated to make or keep someone happy. Especially if there is no repercussion from the other person on efforts to make you happy. But even the little things we do in our marriages and friendships, everyday, are mental and physical in order to achieve a long-lasting result. If you completely ignore or fail to communicate with one another, there is nothing left to work on.
For instance, if you go to work and there is nothing left to work on then you are let go(divorce) from said job(marriage).
UPDATE: It’s been a rough year on my own marriage. We have talked circles about change but now realize that it’s time to either stick to “working” on those changes or both our relationship statuses are going to change.
In conclusion to Rod’s question…”my” answer is this: marriage is a lot of work due to the fact that by NOT working on it…it won’t exist. It’s mental and physical effort to achieve a successful result.
I want to thank Rod for inspiring me to get my opinionated juices flowing.
What’s your opinion?
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