housekeeping humor funny women

House Cleaning Tips

I have always said that housework is not my life occupation profession business career “job description”.  I like to refer to myself as the president of this corporation I run, where from time to time the dreadful house cleaning must. be. done.

Now this isn’t going to be a list of actual house cleaning tips…but maybe you already guessed that.

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This is what I feel about housework

Now I am not one to say that my house is anywhere near magazine looking.  Martha Stewart, I am not.  Martha Stewart would laugh at me and then we could sit back and share prison stories while she gave me some stock market tips.  **just roll with it**

There’s no “Homes And Gardens” knocking on my door.

Actually there’s no one knocking on my door…maybe because we have that bright red “NO SOLICITING” sign right in plain view.  Anyway…

And how about you men that stay home?  Are you all Mr. Clean’s?  Do you tread around the house with those magical white sponges, that I swear must have mother’s spit in them because they work so damn good.

I have finally learned to live by the motto that since I am the one who cleans, I will decide when and what gets cleaned.

housekeeping humor funny women

Now our house isn’t remotely close to an episode of Hoarders either.  There isn’t any bags of poo or 500 mice scurrying around inside our walls that we refer to as pets.  Yes I am aware that Hoarding is a disease and that most people don’t want to truly be that way but I am just making a point here.  (for all those easily offended)

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I will tell you this though.  When I do clean something, I spend hours doing it.  The other night,  AFTER I put the kids to bed, I spent 3 hours in my very own kitchen scrubbing and disinfecting everything that had a surface.  And had it not been so late and I hadn’t had one too many whiskey on the rocks (it was Friday night people…pathetic…I know), I probably would have started organizing the 19 cabinet spaces our kitchen contains.  No, I don’t do meth, alcohol is like an energy drink for me.

And yes I do like to get a little drunk snockered inebriated  buzzed and then go on outrageous cleaning marathons, sometimes.  It makes it so less tedious.  Don’t judge me.

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I have been cleaning for over 30 years…personally I am quite sick of doing it.  And with 4 kids, a dog, and my husband…the struggle. is. real.  And yes they all have chores of their own to do, with the exception of my husband, but because I am so picky, I go around and still clean after they have cleaned.   My OCD has come a long way since having kids though.  When I was single and worked an obscene amount of hours…I had a maid.  And even after she would come, and even though the house was clean, my OCD would kick in and I would go and get the stuff that she missed.  Stuff that a normal person, without OCD, would have never noticed.

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Any of my friends that knew me before I had kids, can speak for me that my house was “I’m hiding DNA evidence” clean.

Now days…whatever you do…don’t lift the couch cushions.

Don’t move the refrigerator or the washer and dryer for that matter.

Stay away from most drawers and cabinets in the utility room without signing an injury waiver first.

 

See the thing about house cleaning for me, is that it takes me so damn long to do one area of my house that it then takes me a day or two to recover before I get to another section.  Therefore, my house is never all clean in one day.  Actually there are just other things that I would truly rather be doing.

Here is the best house cleaning tip of all…WHEN IT’S DONE!

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I am linking this post with the following linkys 

DomesticatedMomster

Published by

DomesticatedMomster

I am a mother of 5, a wife to 1, and a fully certified domesticated momster who likes to blog about motherhood, marriage, and anything else that pops into my crazy head all with a side of sarcasm and a glass of wine.

52 thoughts on “House Cleaning Tips”

  1. Haha! I also come from a long line of fascinating women. (;

    Some nights when I’m laying in bed being eaten alive by my anxiety, I’ll randomly think about how dirty a closet is and get up to clean it. This is perfectly normal, right?

    New to blogging and so glad I found you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Welcome to the blogosphere!!! It’s a great place to get shit off your chest. I have a lot I would like to write about today but haven’t been able to sit down and put the thoughts together. Maybe later when everyone is sleeping lol.

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  2. I grew up in a house that was ‘hiding the DNA evidence clean’ so I am happy for you that you have drifted, and especially happy for your kids.
    Me, I have warmed up to the mess and take memory making over cleaning almost (definitely not always) every time. Kids. The house will be clean again when they are married! #momsterlink

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Haha- whatever you do don’t lift the chair cushions!! I cringed the other day when we had company over and one of my children suggested looking under the the cushions for something that was missing… I gave them permission to just let it be lost. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I love that feeling when something is really cleaned and organized. The weather is getting ready to change to really cold here pretty soon so I won’t want to be outside as much and looking for things to do inside.

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  4. Oh my goodness Trista!! This was (still is at times) me!! I had a cleaner but stopped in the end because my OCD meant I just went around after doing the things normal people wouldn’t notice! it was pointless and a waste of money. AND I’d get stressed before she came making sure everything was tidy and clean for her….!?!?!

    Life is too short and our houses and their dust will outlive us…but it easier said than done to remember this at times! X #momsterslink

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    1. Just depends on the day for me. Like today, I could care less about anything but getting blogging done. I am so far behind that I seriously need an entire day to try and even make a dent in it. I mean, just look, you wrote me this message 4 days ago! Good grief! So sorry!

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  5. OMG, I could have written this- this is me!!! Love the vacuum wine holder statement- why doesn’t someone invent that?!! Once you have kids it’s never-ending, even if you do get it done in a day, they get home from school and it’s like you sat on your ass all day within 5 mins and did nothing!! #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If I do straighten up, it is usually at night after everyone is done with our day and it’s time for the bedtime nightmare to begin. I insist that the kids pick up their toys and then sometimes while they are getting pajamas on and brushing teeth, I will run around with the vacuum … then there are nights I just turn off the lights and say to hell with it lol.

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  6. I have to admit, I am a terrible house wife when it comes to the housework!! Our house isn’t dirty but it is definitely not a show home by any means. There is always a mountain of washing piled up somewhere, piles of “stuff” that have no home, toys, clothes, shoes scattered in the hall way. It used to bother me but then I just got too exhausted trying to stay on top of it and in the end I just gave in to it. While the kids are small there really is little else you can do but damage limitation!! Thanks for hosting #momsterslink

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    1. It really is a struggle with large families. I see all these organizational tips on Pinterest and I think to myself…this is probably written by someone with no kids. There is no way this organized corner would stay looking like that for more than 5 minutes. Thanks for linking. I am so far behind but spending today doing nothing but blogging to try and get a little caught up. That is on top of everything else that needs to be done lol.

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  7. Sigh. I come from a long line of boring Irish housekeepers. I really need to get a life.
    I always enjoy your blogs, and thanks again for hosting!
    I have a guest blog today as it is on car safety features for teens, and I know nothing about cars except that they work better with 5 wheels.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol. I want to thank you for always being such a loyal linker. I think you have been with me pretty much since I started. And your posts are always so informative. Just when I think I know everything you surprise me with something I don’t 😉

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  8. I’m also one who decides what gets clean and when. Drives the Hubster nuts because I’m constantly running a vacuum when he’s sleeping. I’m devious like that, hoping he’ll become the one who vacuums but he typically sleeps through it. Plan thwarted! #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My husband has been working 6 days a week and when he works he is gone 16 hours a day so I have pretty much done what needs to be done when he gets home. Unless he’s on nights…then he is here sleeping during the day which means I try to be quiet which also usually means I use it as an excuse as to why I didn’t clean 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. My bedroom is pretty big and I try really hard to stay on top of it and keep it clean because it annoys me to sleep in a mess. But my kids also think it’s a invitation for them to destroy my space. They are learning though that if they make the mess they are going to clean it up as soon as I see they are no longer playing in it.

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  9. This is so me! When I moved in with my husband (then boyfriend) he had a cleaner and I would always complain that she didn’t do a good enough job and I could do it better myself. And now, cleaner-less, I can’t tell you how much I regret ever making those comments!

    Although now I’m so used to our house being a mess, I can easily forget to even think about housework. But when I do decide to tackle it, I get serious.There are no half measures – I either leave it entirely or spend 3 hours cleaning the bathroom, polishing the taps, washing the window, folding over the end of the toilet roll so it makes a neat triangle shape…(ok, I don’t go that far, but as good as). It’s just so much easier to leave it, and like you say, there are always better things to be doing. No one ever got to 70 years old and regretted not doing more vacuuming! #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I would like to know which chores the dog is doing!! My pup is a lazy one, and I think it’s time he start pulling his weight, ha.
    Seriously though, I hate cleaning so much, and I feel like I’m doing it all the time-just with ONE!! Deep cleaning sections are the way to get it done though, I think I need to start adding some hard liquor into the mix, lol! Thanks for sharing! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I am the worst cleaner ever, I would rather nap. And having a toddler means my house is constantly in a shit state and I am forever wanting to sit down and cry forever. There is literally clutter everywhere, however I am aware that if I don’t sort myself out I will end up like I am from an episode of hoarders! However, white vinegar is the greatest cleaning product that I have ever come across and it does everything, it is fantastic! #momsterlink

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    1. My husband really doesn’t say too much about it even when I know it’s destroyed. He knows that I will eventually let it drive me crazy and clean it. Plus he also knows that I have to do things that make me happy and cleaning is NOT one of them.

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    1. Yes I too like organization. I have a cupboard in the laundry room right now that is in desperate need of organization. As for my husband it’s the garage and the yard that get to him. Especially the garage. Our garage has to be pretty much spotless. I am like “really?” Who comes over and looks in the garage?

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I HATE Cleaning, but more than that I hate a dirty house. But when the house gets dirty and I get depressed about it and then I really don’t clean and it gets worse and worse. It’s better now that I am a stay at home mom but it still happens. #momsterslink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just spent the majority of yesterday cleaning and organizing 2 kids rooms. I threw away 2 full bags of trash and broken toys, moved furniture, vacuumed everything, and dusted. And what did they do as soon as they got home from school? Played with all their “new aka organized” toys. GRRRRR.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. My cleaning (despite the fact that I have a list AND a chore app on my phone) is usually done in the frantic 15 minutes before I leave for work or before the hubby comes home while dinner is cooking. ONLY because I know how stress inducing it can be to come home to a messy house. It’s clean. Don’t open the downstairs closet, but it’s clean.

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    1. Oh I am notorious for shoving stuff in “just for now” places. When my hubby gets home if he’s working nights the house is usually clean because I straighten up before going to bed but if he’s on days sometimes it’s a disaster even if I have been cleaning all day because 4 kids can destroy anything in 2 minutes.

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  14. I hate cleaning my house, it really makes me cranky. Luckily, I told the HUbster that I wanted a house small enough to deep clean in a single day. And that’s what he bought me. If I had kids I think I would have gone psychotic, running a daycare in my home almost destroyed me- but the kids went home everyday and I was able to clean it and that wouldn’t have worked if they were my own kids.

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