How I Became A Mother

How I Became A Mother.

This still has to be one of my favorite pieces so far :))

Daddy Is On Night Shift

I have acquired a small list of pros and cons for my husband working shift work.  Particularly night shifts.


*I get the bed to myself.  I couldn’t stress more how great it is to be able to move freely without having to worry about whether or not I am keeping him awake.  I also love that I am not awakened in the middle of the night by his snoring which resembles that of a freight train.


Yes I snore too but I couldn’t find any funnies about women snoring.  ((smirks to self))


I have heard ^this a time or twelve.

Moving on…

*I also get total control of the remoteimages-10 which means that I get to watch whatever I want on TV without hearing “what are you watching?” in a “I am a man I don’t watch this crap” kind of voice.  This, of course, I take full advantage of and literally save up every episode of Housewives, Nashville, and any other “girl” related show that I currently like to watch, just for when he is on night shift.

*Taking a bath without being “interrupted”.  Meaning….well we don’t need to get into description here but if you are a woman with a man who sees you in the bathtub you know what I am talking about.  ((blushes))

images-11 expectation


*I don’t have to share my wine…I get the entire bottle to myself!

*I can go to sleep without feeling guilty about being too tired for “that


*It’s easier to think of “what’s for dinner” because I am only feeding the kids.  Kids are easy to feed…with the exception of the teenagers who sometimes frown upon what I have made.

*I can blog, play Farmville, or any other “me” addiction I currently have without feeling culpable about it taking up too much of my attention.


*I suddenly have writer’s block…

“Sister Wives”

No I am not one.  Although the idea of it has crossed my mind a time or two.  But I know in the deepest depths of my soul that sharing my man with another woman on a permanent basis would drive me to drink more wine then I already do.  Not only because of jealousy issues but for the pure fact that I wouldn’t want another woman prying in my own beliefs of how to raise my children or how to make my man happy.

I have followed the show “Sister Wives” through every season since the beginning.  Not because I agree or disagree with their lifestyle but because I am curious about it.  In the beginning they all seemed so united.   The children were much younger but when there were only 3 wives the dynamic seemed so much more simultaneous.  They worked as a team but were 3 individual mothers and wives.  They relied on one another and each knew their place.

Enter moving to Las Vegas, NV and adding a fourth wife

Now when I watch the show it seems like such a train wreck.  First of all why, after 15 years of the dynamic being the same, would “the husband” want to change it by adding another wife?  Not only another wife but a younger, thinner, and prettier wife?  I personally think religion has nothing to do with his behavior…I think he is just a typical male that doesn’t  want to be confined to only one female.  Therefore, human nature.  But somehow because they stamp a religion on it then it makes it “OK”.  Maybe ok for him but what I can see, in the expressions of his wives, is that everything has changed.  They no longer form a “unit”….they are now 4 individual units…living in four different houses….and none of them connecting as actual “sister wives”.

sister-wife (plural sister-wives)- In a polygamous marriage a woman who is simultaneously a sister, and co-wife to another. * 

One of the wives has even moved her mother in so that she has someone to help her with her children.  She has 3 sister wives (one of which has no children living at home anymore), yet she has to call on her own mother for help?  That in itself shows how much the “energy” between the wives has changed.  The only closeness I see in them is when they are all seated on the couch talking about the current episode.

I now see four women, who after years of giving up their lives to raise children and working together to do so, now wanting to gain their own independence and individualities apart from each other and “the husband”.  Like somehow burying themselves into “finding” themselves somehow takes the focus away from the fact that none of them are “happily” married.  And in my opinion, I think that leaving the situation is not an option for them.  Because leaving would mean failure.  Failure to a religious belief that life is supposed to be lived that way.  Therefore, giving up on the situation would be giving up on their religion.  But like I said…that’s just my opinion.

One man cannot be emotionally available for all those wives and children.  It is just not “humanly” possible.  But I will give him kudos for trying.  I will also give the wives kudos for trying to adapt to that lifestyle over and over again with no prevail.  And then having it publicly displayed on television for all the world to judge and form opinions about them.  And although I don’t agree or disagree with their lifestyle…I…like so many others have formed opinions about it.  But in the end it’s not our life to decide.  It’s theirs.  They chose it and they live it.  And they have taken the courage to share it with the rest of us…would you be so bold as to share your life and all your skeletons on public television?

Marriage Is A Real Eye Opener


As little girls we grow up watching all those romantic fairytales where prince charming shows up with a shoe that fits just right or that kiss that wakes the princess from a deep long sleep.  I don’t know about you but I have yet in my 41 years of life to have ever met or known anyone of the opposite sex who meets any of that fairytale “Mr. Right” criteria.


I have been married for over 6 years but together for almost 7.  Not sure if we are experiencing the 7 year itch but our fairytale is more like “The War Of The Roses” at times. (At times meaning every once in awhile not all the time)  Fuck the glass slipper  because I wear flip flops and if I am sleeping please oh please do not wake me up.  And now as adults all the animated movies from our childhoods have been replaced by movies that are so out of touch from reality.  You all know which ones I am talking about where “Mr. Right” always has the perfect things to say and does all the right gestures.  I mean let’s face it…what man in his unemotional right mind is going to write 365 letters to the same woman?  Or hire a prostitute and then show up to rescue her from the cruel world?  Don’t get me wrong I love a good romance but they are so delusional.


In real life there are ups and downs in every relationship.  In the beginning it is all fresh and new and the butterflies are fluttering and everything smells good, tastes good, feels somehow superior to how you felt before “that person” came into your life.  Time goes by and you both get comfortable…both put on a few pounds…and everything that was once so perfect and indestructible is now a pile of rubbish.  ((picks a piece of the rubbish up and clips it to the fridge reminding herself to work on that particular aspect of her relationship))  Over time (some less then others) you both decide it is time to either take the plunge or run for the hills.

once again prince charming doesn’t exist

In walks marriage…


They say love is blind but I have found that marriage is a true eye opener.  It’s something that needs to be polished from time to time like fine silver.  You can’t just put it in a box somewhere and think that it’s going to be pretty and shiny when you need to use it.  True couples disagree with one another and argue…some even argue just to make up.  And the couples who say they never fight are LYING!!!  And I don’t trust them.  I am a true believer that slight disagreements from time to time are healthy for a relationship.  I mean who wants to just agree to avoid an argument all the time?  Not this girl…I have tried that and ended up only hurting myself.  I am a person of expression and when you make me mad I stand up and let you know.  And when you make me sad, I cry.  Needless to say this doesn’t always go over well with my husband who is one that really doesn’t like to argue and he has no clue as to how to handle crying.  But he is also one who thinks he is right about everything and no one has a word in otherwise.


Now as a woman there is once a month that I become somewhat impaired emotionally.  Oh who am I kidding…I become a complete crazy and emotional bitch!!!


My emotions are everywhere and even though I know and he knows that it’s pms.jpg~c200 time….neither of us can control it.  Which brings me back to the fairytales…they never mentioned anything about PMS in the fairytales I grew up on.  Maybe they should have had Cinderella miss the dance because she was home with a heating pad and a bottle of ibuprofen and when prince charming showed up he should have brought chocolates.

Now bring kids into the equation… 

Kids change the entire dynamic of a relationship.  Being selfish is not an option anymore.  You must work harder at the relationship because there are little people relying on you to stay together.  Walking away is not an option.  Well unless you are just so completely miserable that staying together would be a lethal dose of amalgamation.  Then by all means do your kids and yourself a favor and get out!  But if your relationship is worth fighting for then fight for it.  It takes two to make it work or to watch it fall apart.  Nothing is 50/50.  Give 100% of yourself.  And always remember that if you think the grass is greener on the other side then try watering your own grass.

This has been a public service announcement via,

domesticated momster

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