~Irish Twins~

Today is the last day that I will have a 6-year-old and two 4 year olds.  Yes my two youngest are what people call “Irish Twins“.  They were born 11 months apart.

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Baby M left at 3 months Baby Z right at 3 months

There was a time that I lived in such a fog, that if someone were to tell me I would make it this far into motherhood I might have questioned it.   I knew I wanted two kids.  And we planned them to be close together (14 months apart).  What we didn’t plan was the surprise of number 3…11 months after number 2.

I remember sitting at my friend’s house, having a playdate.  Which is really just code for mothers to get together and let the kids play while they cackle like hens and possibly have a cocktail or two.

She asked me how I had been feeling since having baby number 2 and I said all was good but that my body was still out of whack because it had been a couple of months and I still hadn’t had a period but I guessed it was from hormones and breastfeeding.

She looked at me and told me I should get a pregnancy test…I laughed out loud…really loud.

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I explained that there was no way that could be, because at the time my husband was only coming home once a month (his job had him working out-of-town), I was breastfeeding, and I hadn’t had a period so how could I possibly be pregnant?

A couple of weeks went by and I decided one evening that I was feeling like an ice-cold beer.  It had been hot outside that week and I was just craving it.  So off to the store I went.

I remember standing in the beer aisle…and I kept yawning.  I had taken a 5 hr energy that day so I didn’t understand why I was so ……F*****CK.  I left the beer isle and went straight to the pregnancy test isle.

My husband was home at the time and we both quickly proceeded to the bathroom so that I could pee on the stick and we could put to rest the fact that I was not going to be having 3 babies in 3 years.

I peed.

We waited…staring aimlessly at the stick.👀

With our first two the second line came up immediately…but this time there was no second line.  My husband skipped away happily.  But me….I just sat staring at the stick.

And what should appear a few moments later???

THE SECOND LINE!

I told my husband he may want to come take a second look.😳

pregnancy test babies parenthood humor

We couldn’t believe it.  But it was true.  After peeing on several more sticks I made an appointment with the doctor and it was confirmed that yes I was going to have my 3rd baby in 3 years.

Today it seems impossible that I made it through the last 4 years without ending up in a straight jacket.  Of course I couldn’t begin to tell you the amount of money I have spent on wine.  But I made it.  And although my two girls are considered to be “Irish Twins”, they are nothing alike.  And in a way…I am thankful for that.

Because I am quite certain our youngest will be living with us until she is 40 something.

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9 More Sleeps

9 more sleeps.

This morning I kept mumbling that to myself in my head whilst trying to get the kids up and ready for school.  I’m pretty sure I mumbled it out loud after telling my 3 year old, for the fifth or sixth time to please go use the potty (because inevitably if I don’t remind her then she waits until she is fully dressed and then suddenly remembers she has to go), I said it out loud and clear after explaining to my 6 year old that YES he must put clean underwear on everyday…even if he doesn’t happen to take a shower that morning…HE MUST PUT CLEAN UNDERWEAR ON!  And what is so hard about changing one’s underwear anyway! UGH!

Oh and let’s not leave the 4 year old out of this, who took 5 minutes to decide exactly what it was she wanted for breakfast.  Like she literally just stood there…staring into nowhere while me, her mother, is about to lose her shit!

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It didn’t help that I was awakened for the third day in a row waaaaaay before my alarm was due to go off and when the light started to shine through the blinds and I peeked through them, and what should appear???…..CLOUDS!  Everywhere CLOUDS! NO SUN!!!  It’s the end of March and it’s 27*F when we left for the school run.

Which brings me to my teenager, who has his driving permit.  He took it upon himself by getting in the car before me this morning  and decided that he was going to drive the school run.  As you can see I am still here to write about it but let’s just say that his parking skills are in need of help and I am quite certain that the bottom of my front end has some lovely new scrapes from coming in contact with the curb.  **sighs and grits teeth**.

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9 more sleeps.

This is when a long awaited and much needed, KIDLESS vacation begins.  I have checked the weather where we are going and the day after our arrival it is supposed to be 86*F and SUNNY!!!  And you know where I am going to be?  Laying by the pool, basking in the glory of that sunshine.  With sunscreen of course.  And a cocktail. And no one saying “MOMMY, MOM, MOTHER, MOMMY, MOM…???”

Now yes, I know that this is going to be the longest I have ever been away from my kids, and I know that I am going to miss them because even when I have a mommy day in the city for 1 day I miss them, but today I am not sure if my cycle is getting ready to start or I am just plain in motherhood overload but 9 more sleeps can’t get here fast enough!!!

bad day motherhood overload vacation
And it’s not even noon yet!
*Disclaimer:  Love my kids to infinity and beyond but today is a “let’s cut the shit, motherhood isn’t always a bed of roses, sometimes it’s more like a long walk on a bed of legos with bare feet” kind of day!

One nerve away from crazy,

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Am I Paranoid?

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My 4 and 6 year old both started wrestling season last week.  It’s so cute to watch the younger sister wanting to keep up with her bigger brother who is a year older than her and did wrestling last year.  This is her first year.

I have to take my 3 year old along as well which is fine other than tonight she kept wanting to run up and down this hallway area.  I let her, but explained to her that I just wanted to be able to see her and not to be trying to hide behind stuff.

Soon after, a mother and her son who I would say was about the age of 10 showed up and sat down next to me.  Her son then decided to wonder down the same hallway in which my daughter was playing in.  The hallway was not really well lit and there were places in parts of the walls that he decided to hide, lurk or whatever he was doing.

My daughter was insistent that she wanted to “play” with the boy but the problem with me was that I couldn’t see him at all and could barely see her.  So I called her back to me.  I explained to her that the boy was much older than she was and that he wasn’t at an age that she would have anything in common with him.  She looked at me kind of confused which is totally understandable.

I asked her what she was talking to the boy about and she told me she was telling him about her unicorn and her house and various other things.  But as a mother of a girl, 2 girls actually, all I kept thinking was that this boy, who was lurking where I couldn’t see him… what if he was up to no good?  Does that make me paranoid?

I just had this really weird vibe and I have always been one to never doubt my instincts.

Things can happen so quickly.  So quickly that I couldn’t even watch my other two kids wrestle because this boy, that was hiding where I couldn’t see him, was seemingly calling my daughter over there as she would run up and down the hallway.  Why?  Not to mention he kept peeking out from behind whatever it was he was hiding behind as if he was continuously checking to see if I was watching.  And I was watching…like a hawk.

I hate the fact that I really don’t trust people.  Because I feel that the moment you put your guard down is when something happens.

Maybe that boy was just hiding from his mother…maybe every time he peeked out from behind the wall he was seeing if his mother was watching and not me…I don’t know…but I didn’t trust the situation and went with trusting my instincts instead.

What do you think you would have done?

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Throwback Thursday ~ In Search Of A New Mommy

This was a post from January of last year.  I didn’t make any changes to it but I have posted an update at the end of it.

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I have always been quite the outgoing gal.  Always made friends really easily growing up and even in my early adulthood.  Granted, a lot of those friendships were made through my work but easily made just the same.  After I had kids some of those friendships changed because when you are single and have no children you have a tendency to flock with birds of the same feather.  So after my first child was born I joined mommy groups and even started one of my own and from those I made friendships that are still in existence to this day, even though the distance between us now is a six hour drive.

We moved here to the northern hemisphere of Nevada in March of 2014.  I have met a few people but mostly I just hang out with my husband and his friends from work (which are usually all men). I have tried starting a mommy group and several people say they want to get together but never do.  I can be a total hermit sometimes, but I am still willing to make the effort if someone else is willing to meet me half way.

During the summer time I noticed that my across the street neighbor was going to the same soccer practice that I was taking my (at the time 4 yr old) to.  I have only noticed older girls playing in the yard though and never any toddlers.  Then today I noticed that she left at the same time I left to go get 2 of my 3 littles from preschool but I couldn’t tell when I pulled into the parking lot of the preschool exactly what car may be hers or if her child/children even attend preschool there.  Then after I get home I am sitting here in the office typing up this blog and I have the window open to see if I can see her pull into her garage.  I almost feel like a STALKER!  So I ask myself…why don’t I just trot my happy ass across the street and knock on her door and say “howdy neighbor”.  Because that would just be weird…that’s why.friends neighbors mommies momlife  I try to think what my reaction would be if someone were to do that to me but quite honestly I would most likely be happy just to meet another mommy!  Especially if they lived in walking distance!  And if they liked to drink wine in the afternoon well then that would just seal the deal!!!  **motions wine glass at the computer screen**

friends neighbors mommies motherhood momlife

When we moved into our house I payed attention to some of the kids on the street but all are older then my littles.  One of the neighbors stopped by while she was on her way out to say a quick hello and welcome us to the neighborhood.  Her kids are older but she seemed super nice ….plus she drives a jetta….really cool people drive jettas…I know this because I used to drive one. **smiles to herself** Not to mention her and her husband have a ton of dirt toys and just look like they would be fun people.  They even tried to help me chase down my escapee German Shepard one day and if I wasn’t so frazzled at the time I probably would have realized that it would have been a perfect opportunity to stop and possibly strike up a conversation with them.  But I didn’t.  Damn dog.

friends neighbors mommies motherhood SAHM momlife

I know that everything takes time but I have always been an instant gratification type of person.  I am hoping that now that all of my kids have will be in school this fall,  that maybe this will give me the opportunity to meet some other mommies.  And as I wrap up this blog post, my neighbor has yet to have pulled into her garage or I am not very good at stalking and I missed her.  **sighs**

friends neighbors SAHM mommies momlife motherhood

Searching For Mrs. Right,

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UPDATE JANUARY 2016:

I still have not had a conversation with my across the street neighbor.  Well unless you count the 30 second one sometime during last spring while picking up our kids from preschool.  I have been told that they are mormon so there goes the whole “let’s drink wine together idea”.  And even though I have decided to quit drinking as a goal for 2016, I know that I will never do anything but wave at her if we happen to be in our yards or leaving our homes at the same time.

The cool couple up the street still remain strangers as well.  The woman works at the coffee shop where I get my coffee a couple mornings a week and we know that we live two houses away from each other but still no communication other than she always remembers my order.

When we were having this house built everyone told us how cool our next door neighbors were.  The same neighbors that told us to “keep it down” one evening when it was just my husband and I in the backyard last summer having a conversation and laughing.  Wow…yeah…lots of fun they seem like.  We didn’t seem to mind when he parked his truck in our driveway one night, after we had first moved into this house, and it sat there for 24 hours before he finally came and got it.  My husband and I have a few scenarios of what could have possibly happened there.

After having our yard done last summer, and we did the entire front of it in desert landscaping, apparently we were referred to as the “rock yard” since most people around here have grass in their front yard.  To me, grass in the front yard is just something more to maintain and a waste water.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have made a few friends since moving here and I do enjoy my husband’s friends that he works with but I just always thought it would nice to have someone that I could just take a short walk and have a glass of wine cup of coffee with while our kids run amuck.

Maybe this year…..

 

~A Dreaded Phrase~

I like my teacher a little more than you mommy.”

The words that for the past several weeks have been stinging my heart. They were said by my 5-year-old and although I understand why… it still hurts.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that my son’s teacher is such a good teacher that he adores her.  I know there will be times in his school life that there are going to be teachers he doesn’t like.  But as a mother, a mother who has always been his favorite, that statement literally brought tears to my eyes.

letting go parenthood kids motherhood

Now yes I know that it’s because she is his teacher and not his parent.  I am sure she acts differently with her own 2 boys than she acts with mine.  And I have tried to explain to him that when I get upset and yell at him it’s usually because I have asked him 3 times (my 3 time rule) to do or to stop doing something.  And when I asked him how many times it takes his teacher to ask him…what’s his reply?….ONCE.  He then looks at me with that “hmmmm” look on his face and we carry on.

This morning as I was dropping him off he hugged me and said “I like my teacher mom but I love you”.  I held back the tears until he was out of the car.  He’s growing up and it’s moments like those spoken words this morning, that make me just want to stop time for a little bit.  To hang on to those moments just a little bit longer.

For I know someday…there will be someone…if they are lucky enough to catch his heart…who he will love just a little bit more than his mommy.

**sobs in her shirt**

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Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

~Bad Mommy~

Momster had an epic fail at motherhood last night.  I mean EPIC.  Like serious momsterhood.

As most mothers know…this happens to the best of us.

I sat and started to think about some things, as I sat there, in my “feeling sorry” not for myself but for my poor little monster B man that was probably having nightmares of his crazed, and on the verge of being a lunatic, mother.

In my thinking I started to count the number of days that I have ever been away from my children and I have come to the realization that it adds up to less then 10 days total.

In almost 6 years.

I have had less than 10 days…total all together…without my kids.

And I wonder why I am crazy???

Sure … I take a day every six to eight weeks to have a day in the city to myself but I am talking about a 24 hour period, all at once,  of not seeing my kids.

**continues to sit and tries to relax**

Commercial comes on…

It shows this family around the breakfast table all laughing and smiling enjoying breakfast together.

Now I don’t know about you but my morning NEVER looks or even resembles that.    My mornings go something more like this….

Bad Mommy

Alarm goes off and 10 minutes later I shut it off.

I get out of bed and stumble to the shower…unless of course one of the monsters is already up then there is no shower for me.  This is also why sometimes I shower at night.

bad mommy parenting motherhood mornings

I wake the sleeping trolls.

One of which, like me, HATES LOATHES mornings.

Of course no one ever wants the same thing for breakfast…I could cook eggs and bacon and they would all want waffles.

30 minutes later we are finished with breakfast and all we had was cereal.

Time to get dressed.  Now before you go thinking that I should pick out their stuff the night before…**rolls eyes** believe me I HAVE TRIED THAT…waste of time…because by morning little monster M wants to wear something different.

Search for shoes…which yes I had them put in their closet upon removal the day before but somewhere in between that time and time to place them on the feet again they have up and moved location.  And the time it takes to find them…it mind as well be in another zip code.

Now it’s 10 minutes before we need to get out the door and I am still in my pajamas and there’s still hair to be combed and teeth to be brushed including my own!

Yeah there’s no time for anything but a piece of dry toast in the car on the way to school.  Maybe sprinkled with dry oatmeal.

Seriously cooked oatmeal all served at the same time at the breakfast table???  Who does that…if you do ….by all means please let me know in the comments how that is possible?

My life with 3 monsters, all a year apart, is never a moment shy of pure and utter chaos.  Now let’s add homework and reading time with little monster B.

bad mommy parenting motherhood homework
“I don’t have my homework Miss Flynn…my parents forgot to do it”

I have tried doing his homework when he first gets home from school but at the same time he has been in school all day and quite honestly just wants to come home and play.  And I can’t say I blame him because quite honestly 7 hours of school for a 5 year old should be plenty.

Now it’s 4:30 and I have got to start thinking about getting dinner prepared and ready.

Next thing I know it’s time to go through the hour  long process of getting everyone bathed…and that’s if everyone is cooperating.  Don’t even get me started on the time escape if someone wants to argue about what pajamas they are wearing or if I go to comb hair and suddenly realize that there’s still soap in it.  Yes that happens quite often.

Last night after getting everyone ready for bed and there is only 10 minutes left before “lights out” little monster B and I sit down to start his reading.  My patience is running on tttthhhhhiiiiinnnn (that’s thin)  at this point.  We start reading…he starts goofing off…I ask him to please stop and pay attention…continue to read some more…he starts goofing off again…again I warn him…by the 3rd warning I AM DONE.  I close the book and tell him to go to bed.

This of course sparks a meltdown.  Probably because it’s now after said bedtime and it’s been a very… long… day.

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I tuck him it as he is preceding to cry and continue a meltdown about not finishing the book…so I go into my room and shut the door…he begins to whale…I turn up my television…he whales louder….this goes on for a good 15 minutes until finally I had enough…I go into his room…first try to explain to him why I did what I did …still whaling…so then I yell at him to go to sleep and I shut the door while storming off to my room.

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The thing is, that since day one I have always given my kids until the count of 3 or 3 strikes and you’re out.  And I don’t ever stray away from that plan.  They should know by now that if mommy gets to three…there is NO GOING BACK **said in momster voice**.  I wasn’t going to give into my son’s meltdown to finish the book when I had warned him during the reading that he was about to hit 3 strikes.

So why does it make me feel like a such a bad mommy?

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Motherhood Is A Gift

Today while reading a fellow blogger’s post, Reneé at Mummy Tries, it inspired me to write my own post.

There was a time in my life that I really didn’t care if I would live to see another day.  I played by my own rules and pretty much destructed anything that came into my path.  I was reckless, careless, and on a one way street to my own destruction.

Things really took a turn for the worst when I woke up one day, at the age of 34, another failed relationship, and an empty bottle of vodka on the counter.  I had created quite a mess.  And I had pretty much come to the conclusion that this was my life and there was really nothing more to do then go to the liquor store and get another bottle of vodka.  And I did.  To say I was a borderline alcoholic was probably sugar-coating it.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a ridiculously fun summer getting drunk and lounging around in the pool everyday with my best friend.  Sobering up long enough to go to work, pay the bills, and buy more vodka.

Being single had started to paint this beautiful picture…

Motherhood Is A Gift

Those around me at the time, with the exception of my best friend, probably weren’t aware of the tragic girl trapped inside this beautiful mess of mine.  I decorated my life well.  Everything on the outside said “happy” but then peel one layer of the previous night’s mascara away and the true meaning of wretched lied beneath.

You see, as much as I remember having fun in those days there is also a lot of “not so fun” memories.  Some that would probably drop jaws if I were ever to write about them.  And some that I just prefer to keep locked in my own personal Pandora’s box.

Those days that I left behind …some fun…some not so fun…are also called “no regrets”.  I lived life the way I wanted to, however crazy that was.  I hit bottom a few times but managed to get back up and dust myself off.  And all those times remind me to appreciate my life now.

Because today…here and now…I have these little people who rely on me everyday…who would miss me if I were gone…

A feeling I had never experienced before.  The possibility of being missed.  It changes everything.  The feeling of not caring about seeing another day was suddenly filled with an extreme need to firmly plant both feet on the ground and keep them there.  To laugh more, love more, and try harder to embrace…life more.

There have been times I have still struggled at it…life…my marriage…and sometimes even motherhood I would be lying if I said otherwise.  There have been days that I have felt like “quitting” but then I remember I’m no quitter.

I am a mother…a gift that some never get to experience in their life…and a gift that truly saved mine.

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