Why Are Parents Beating Ourselves Up Over Not Spending Enough Time With Our Kids?

Lately I have seen a lot of blog posts in regards to parents beating ourselves up over not spending enough time with our kids.

The truth is there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything that we “wish” we could accomplish.  This includes spending ample time with our children.  And quite honestly what is the perfect ample time amount?

Kids grow fast, life passes by without us noticing sometimes.  Like one minute we are sipping on pumpkin lattes and the next we are sun-kissing our bodies in the middle of summer.  And in that short amount of time our kids are getting bigger and we, *gasps*, are getting older.

bad parenting raising kids

So why are we beating ourselves up over whether or not we are spending enough time with our kids?

Ask yourself at the end of the day ~

Did my child eat today?  Even if it was Top Ramen with a side of canned fruit.

Was my child clothed today? No one says your children have to look like they just walked out of a kids fashion boutique.  You can put clean clothes on the kids in the morning and before noon it looks like they have been in them for a week.  KIDS ARE FILTHY CREATURES.  And they don’t care that their clothes are dirty so why should we?  Why should we change their clothes every time they get dirty just to make more laundry for ourselves?  I say hell yes to pajama days!

Did I give my child love and affection sometime throughout the day?  Just a hug and an “I love you” goes a long way.

bad parenting raising kids right

Did I sacrifice something for them today?  Even if that entails not finishing a cup of coffee because in the midst of trying to drink said cup of coffee you have now refereed 3 arguments, a meltdown, hearing “STOOOOOOP” for the 100th time, and cleaned some kind of spilled food off any given surface.  **takes sip of said coffee, it’s cold, debates re-heating it in the microwave when another crisis erupts**

Did I get upset or irritated at them at least once today?  Yep, that’s right…if you aren’t getting upset with your kids at least once a day then you’re not doing it right.  We are PARENTS.  That means getting upset and fixing the situation by disciplining your kids is called PARENTING.  There’s too many parents trying to be their kids best friends and that’s partly to blame why we have youth that are out of control.

Does my kid have a warm, safe place to sleep?  A blanket and pillow on the floor is good.  Why you ask?  Because that’s where they fell asleep and I will be damned if I am going to wake the little trolls up.  **sips wine**

bad parenting raising kids right

Did I spend quality time with my child today?  This doesn’t mean that you have to pay attention to them every waking moment.  Smothering them in attention just makes them grow up NEEDING constant attention.   It’s ok to have time for yourself and let them fry their brains watching YouTube videos.  It’s ok to TAKE A SHOWER with the door locked!  It’s ok to feel like you are about to lose your mind so you put them to bed an hour early, pour yourself a cocktail, and wash the daily grind off in a nice bubble bath.

It simply means that you took time in the day to take care of their needs…2 maybe 3 dozen times…and enjoyed these tiny little lives that you created.

Truth is, unless you are just completely absent and someone else is raising your kids for you…as long as you are present and doing everything you “humanly” can to take care of them then you’re spending plenty of time with them.  Give yourself a big pat on the back.

Below are some examples of bad parenting…

bad parenting raising kids right
I am quite certain that pissing on your kids head is not real good parenting.

 

bad parenting raising kids right
Please take note that this is not keeping your child safe.

 

bad parenting raising kids right
This looks like a 70’s circa picture where this would still be considered bad parenting…even if the gun wasn’t loaded.

 

Kids are kids and actually very simple little creatures to make happy.  Does parenting take a lot of effort? Hell yes it does! Some days it sucks the life right out of you and some days you just want to smother them to death with your uncontrollable, unconditional love for them.

One day you’re looking at them wondering where the time has gone and the next you are anxiously waiting for them to get the fu*k out of the house so you can turn their room into a sex chamber for you and the spouse hobby area.

bad parenting raising kids right

They are going to grow up regardless of how much or how little time you are spending with them.  There is no perfect amount.  It’s what works for you and keeps you from going completely crazy and sometimes you aren’t going to have a choice but to spend every waking moment with them because you are their parents and that is your job.

bad parenting raising kids right

But this doesn’t mean sacrifice your sanity or beat yourself up because you decided to take 2 hours out of the day to yourself.  Hell I have taken almost entire days sometimes.  I just make sure I am loaded up on activities that they can entertain themselves with.  That don’t require any help from me to carry out.

It’s not being a bad parent or not spending enough time…it’s being HUMAN!

From one crazy, tired, stressed, happy, loving parent to another,

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To The Gene Pool Of My Stepsons:

Let me just start this lovely blog rant off by saying how ridiculously FATUOUS  you are.  You can’t even make a Facebook post without at least 10-15 grammatical errors.  And your posts are always some depressing analogy of how you interpret your life.  Like somehow anyone is listening. I would like to know how someone can complain so much about their life when they are responsible for every choice they have made.  We all make bad choices but let’s face it…the majority of us try to learn from our mistakes and not keep repeating them over and over and over again.

You complain that I have never bothered to get to know you? Really? I am raising your blood line and I am somehow supposed to reach out to you?  Make the effort?  Excuse me while I laugh my ass off at that.  Based on the facts I have gathered in the last seven years, I don’t want to get to know you.  The two boys I have been raising in those same seven years are almost grown…one foot out the door to adulthood and now you think that I need to have a relationship with you?

Here’s an idea…maybe you should have been building a better relationship with your blood line.  Talking to them on the phone is not having a relationship with them.  And I am sorry to say but kids aren’t raised on emotional support alone.  It takes a lot of financial support to raise them as well.  But how would you know since you have never raised any from birth to adulthood.

Over the years I have seen you make promises to them that have been repeatedly broken.  So much so that now when you “promise” them something I see them just roll their eyes and carry on having no faith in your “promises” what-so-ever.  You like to refer to me as “being judgmental” I am a MOTHER…therefore I have the right to be judgmental about someone who gave birth to children and then left them to be raised by others.  And your excuses of “I was young and stupid and an addict” don’t fly with me.  We were all young and stupid once.  But the day I decided to become a mother was the day that “being stupid and selfish” was no longer a choice.  Maybe if you weren’t ready to get your life in order then you should have taken means to not get pregnant.

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My husband and I have been raising those boys without ever asking for a single penny from you and yet you want to make us out to be the bad people when we won’t “pitch in” to help finance their trip to see you?  Like somehow that’s our responsibility?  Here’s another idea…why don’t you get a job and pay for something yourself for them, for once!  Could you please explain to me why you don’t work?  You don’t have any kids at home.  You are a 30 something adult.  And yet you just sit at home and do nothing.  But then need financial help to buy a ticket for your blood line to come visit.  According to you “love is all you need”.  Well love doesn’t buy gas, plane, or bus tickets.  News flash there.

Now you think that you want to give me parenting advice?  That’s hilarious coming from someone who has never had to actually BE a parent.  Even for the extremely short and most crucial time that you were in their lives you were an addict and on drugs and never had to deal with any REAL emotion.  They were so young then and like sponges and maybe in your warped mind you think that they don’t remember but let me assure you that they do.  And it’s like somehow you don’t seem to realize that I have been around for the last 7 years and watched enough of your bullshit to form my own opinion of what type of mother aunt person you are.   And quite frankly I have never had such a despise for anyone the way I have for you two.  You want to send me messages talking about how to raise your blood line but then can’t take the lashing back of truth that I spit back.  You have no right what so ever to tell me how to raise a turnip let alone a child.  So please stop wasting my time with that.  Matter of fact just stop wasting my time at all.  Nothing you ever say to me will change how I feel and I have no desire to have any kind of relationship with either of you…EVER!

Not a single fuck given,

domesticated momster

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