Recently I did the “50 Things That Make Me Happy” writing challenge and I seriously found it a dispute with my sanity to find 50 happy self characteristics. Well being the momster that I am I have decided that I am going to write about the “50 Things That Piss Me
The Fuck Off”
- Stepping on a lego or any other small jagged toy. This one I am sure is on many mommy’s lists. Right up there with stepping on a 5 sided jagged thorn. Or maybe even fire hot glass. I am quite certain that they all feel the same.
- When the ice machine in my fridge runs out. That sucker is on speed ice and it still doesn’t produce enough ice for this family to get to the end of the day. Doesn’t help that everyone, but me, in the house doesn’t know how to push the fast ice option when it has timed out. And to add to the problem, not mentioning any names ,
Matthew, is notorious for filling a cup up with ice and water and then leaving it on the counter to sit. The ice melts and then it’s just water and by the time he tends to it…it’s warm. He dumps it in the sink and gets a new freshly filled glass of ice water.
- My husband when he insists that he’s right about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. I am sure I am not the only one with a man like that but I would sure enter him in a contest for
a new husband money over who does it best. Guess we all want to be the best at something.
- Anyone who makes an effort at something and then does it half assed. I hate this!!! It’s a pet peeve with me. If you are going to take the time to do something then please follow through and do it correctly.
- Getting my tongue burnt by hot food.
- Slow drivers in the fast lane. Although now that I live in a very small town I don’t drive a freeway much and no one is ever in a hurry around here. But my recent trip to Las Vegas was a road rage nightmare.’
- When my morning alarm goes off. I hate getting up to an alarm…but on school and gym mornings it is a must.
- The dryer signal. It’s a reminder that the clothes now need to be folded before they start to wrinkle. And of course it always goes off right when I am in the middle of something I feel is
- My children misbehaving. Especially in public.
- When the dishwasher doesn’t clean the dishes. What’s the point of even having a dishwasher if you have to wash everything before you put it in there? It should just be called a dish rinser instead.
- No toilet paper. And of course this is always when I have already sat my precious arse on the porcelain god.
- Waiting. I hate waiting for anything. But I really hate it when I am waiting on something or someone that is late. Even with having 3 little ones I am rarely late for anything.
- The wind.
- When my husband farts in the car and it
smells like something died in his bowels stinks. He doesn’t roll the window down and he pushes the child lock so that none of the rest of us can roll down the window either. He thinks it’s funny….I however, DO NOT!
- SLOW INTERNET! Welcome to rural Nevada where you spend half your time waiting for the internet to work.
- My husband’s snoring. Inevitably I try to fall asleep before him usually with the help of ambien or wine
- When my dog tries to runaway. Every time the front door is left open for any amount of time she darts right out it! And the only way I can get her back is to take one of our vehicles and chase her down until she gets in. Doesn’t she realize that she has life so good here?
- Having to update software. This is especially upsetting when it then messes something else up. Create one bug to fix another.
- Blue kids toothpaste. They get it over every white surface of their bathroom.
- Dead beat moms and dads. Especially the ones who claim to be so good at parenting when they have never had to parent. You can read about my
shit storm battle with this here.
- Restless Leg Syndrome. If you don’t suffer from it then you haven’t a clue as to how irritating it is and how much it makes me want to
chop my legs off at the knee cry. If you aren’t sure what it is then google it or you can read about my struggle with it here.
- My kids asking if it’s snack time every 20 minutes. This especially occurs right after I have gone to the grocery store and the pantry and fridge are full of goodies. Like somehow in their warped little minds we are supposed to go through all the snacks in one span of an hour.
- When I can’t figure technical
shit stuff out. I am self taught with everything that has to do with photography and blogging. Trial and error they call it. I call it F*#K this S#!T! Unless of course it works when I attempt to conquer it. Then I am happy as a pig in shit a happy camper.
- Rude people. Especially the ones who work at the DMV. Is it a pre-requisite on an application? Also people who are mean when they drink. My advice to them is just do us all a favor and put the
bottle glass down.
- Clutter. Therefore you can only imagine how high my blood pressure is with 3 toddlers and a teenager.
And let’s not forget the hubby. I don’t think I have mentioned him yet have I?
I am linking up with the following linkys:
You sir are an asshole.
Last week I took pity on you and bought you a breakfast sandwich and an orange juice. I refuse to give anyone, who pan handles, money for fear that I am just supporting their addiction, but I do believe no one should be hungry in this country. Although that sandwich and juice weren’t much it was still $3 that I could have spent on my family instead of wasting it on your dishonest self.
Often there are times that when a good deed is offered it goes unrecognized except to the holder of said thoughtfulness. But today I was so clearly given “a sign” when as I was leaving Wal-Mart…at the very precise moment I was pulling out of the parking lot…who should I see getting out of a new model Toyota car and planting himself, with cardboard sign and backpack in hand, on the curb? YOU! If I wouldn’t have had my kids in the car I would have stopped and given you a piece of my mind mister! You are a disgrace to the human race. It is people like you who prevent people who are in real need of help, ever getting any. You are the reason that so many people refuse to give even 5 cents to the “truly” homeless man living in a cardboard box on the street. Shame on you!
It’s no surprise that I am not a big fan of “stupid” comedy. Therefore when my husband rented “Dumb And Dumber To” this evening I quickly declined wanting anything to do with watching that. In my opinion, there are just more superior things that I could be doing with my said time….like working on my blog!
Now sometimes I take one for the team and I sit down in my comfy chaise on the couch. I pretend like I am paying attention to the brainless flick unraveling before my eyes…but in the end I have either fallen asleep or found something more entertaining on my phone to peak my interest. Because anything is more entertaining then trying to pretend I am interested in a movie that is literally shaving points off my IQ with every passing moment. I think the worst 2 hours of my life being taken was while watching “Cyrus”….at least I think that’s what the movie was called. But regardless the name, it’s two hours of my life that I will never get back. Even watching Miley Cyrus lick something would be more entertaining then that movie was. To this day my husband holds the award for worst movie pick EVER!!!
<——look what I found on a search!
So here I sit…blogging with my glass of wine…”Sweet Red by Barefoot” …still one of my favorites…and the only thing missing is silence…silence that will not be obtained due to the fact the the movie is echoing throughout the house. And the parts that I have heard so far…no matter how loud the testosterone in my household is laughing at them…are, in lack of a better word….dumb.
I sat down at the computer over an hour ago to work on my blog for the day, only to discover that everything is taking an eternity to load the internet.
I live in a very rural area and trying to get good internet is ranked right up there with trying to find a good crotch doctor. Almost impossible.
For the insane amount of $60 a month I get nothing but pure frustration. We have 7 people in this house, all of which have at least one electronic device. We also like to enjoy the occasional Netflix or Amazon Prime but at the cost of having to shut down all other electronic devices just to get either of them not to buffer. Nothing like the peaking moment of watching a movie or series when all of a sudden that dreadful buffering symbol appears. It’s like an intermission…only no one has to use the bathroom or get something to drink. We just sit. Staring at the screen and waiting…wanting….for the DAMN SHOW TO COME BACK ON!!! All the while throwing cuss words at the television like somehow it’s listening.
I have put in complaints to the internet company only for them to send a “professional” out to tell me that my house is located at the very end of the signal. Oh really? Well then what do the houses above me do for internet? Because from what I understand this is the “best” internet service available here in my little town with regards to satellite internet which costs a fortune. Therefore, I am pretty much screwed. Seriously it’s 2015 and yet I feel like I am still living in the era of AOL dial up.
After unplugging and plugging back in several times and even resorting to putting any other device in the house on airplane mode, it was then time for me to leave to pick up my kids from preschool and out the window went any idea of me being able to work on my blog. Needless to say this blog that should have only taken me a short amount of time has now pretty much taken me the entire day to get posted.
WHAT’S FOR LUNCH?
I am plagued with this question daily. I am also plagued with what’s for dinner but that can be a whole other blog in itself. Today was a rather rough challenge for this topic as I have been putting off grocery shopping all week. I loathe grocery shopping with every part of my being. The “preparing” to go which usually consists of gathering up any coupons I can use which now that I live in such a rural area is very limited. I used to be the coupon queen and was proud of all the savings I endured for a family of seven and still managed to feed us more then top ramen and ho ho’s. There is also just the mental preparation of knowing I have to go out and endure the crowds of people who fill up our local Wal-Mart…I don’t particularly like Wal-Mart and pretty much avoided it all together when we lived in southern Nevada but here there are just certain items that are much cheaper at Wal-Mart…like milk, which this family of 7 easily plows through a gallon a day easily. It’s almost 2 dollars cheaper per gallon at Wal-mart. The one thing I DO NOT do is go anywhere near a Wal-Mart on the first of the month…no way…no how. Not only is it horribly overcrowded but some of the “welfare” recipients shouldn’t be getting welfare at all. Once again a whole other blog topic for me.
When I actually get to the grocery store…now mind you I am lucky in that I do not have to take my 3 toddlers grocery shopping with me. I tried that once and let me just tell you I needed a xanax and a shot of whiskey by the time we got home. I either plan it while my husband is off work or I go once the teenagers are home from school. I count my lucky stars for that. What I don’t understand are the ENTIRE families…mom, dad, and all the kids that make the trip to Wal-Mart. Like it isn’t crowded enough between all the people and the stuff that Wal-Mart likes to stuff in the middle of the isles but now let’s add to it by loading up every family member and having a daily outing at good ol Wolly World…It’s not an amusement park people.
Now we get to checking out. The check out people are always so grumpy. I know it must suck working for a company that pretty much pisses on it’s employees, but hey that’s not my fault…take it up with the CEO. Also you could just try being thankful that you have a job because there are so many people that do not. And when I say hello to you saying hello back is the polite thing to say…not grunt and proceed to throw my groceries around with an attitude. Now this attitude doesn’t apply when I shop at our local Raley’s or Khoury’s supermarket…those employees are always smiling and very helpful…hence just another reason I would avoid Wal-Mart all together if I were single.
Once done with checking out…oh and I forgot to mention that by the time I get to check out my cart is usually so full that I have stuff hanging from the sides and I am pushing it slower then the 80 year old lady next to me. I do not understand why those carts can’t accommodate more items. Now it’s getting all the checked out items back into one cart and out to the van without losing a gallon of milk crashing to the ground and busting open. Yes that has happened to me with both milk and soda. And not only did the soda bust open but cans went rolling everywhere. Talk about embarrassing and frustrating all rolled into one little bundle of “WHAT THE ACTUAL F*#K?”
So I shove everything in the back of the van and off I go on the last stretch of my grocery shopping extravaganza. Once I get home I honk the horn and pull into the garage and wait for all my helpers to come out and start unloading the food filled bags. Of course they all peek to see if I have bought any “good” stuff which they should just know by now that I don’t. Well maybe on rare occasions. And rare I mean like holidays. Then it takes all of us working in unison to get all the stuff put away. And once again the fridge and pantries are full and it’s time for dinner….let’s order pizza.