How You Know It’s Time For The Kids To Go Back To School

I don’t know about you but I am counting down the minutes seconds days for my little ones to go back to school.

I remember that I couldn’t wait for school to be out and not have to wake up to an alarm clock or rush around like a psychopath mad woman to get the kids up, dressed, fed, and off to three different schools.

We had all these summer vacations and fun plans and memories to make.   Well now here it is almost the middle of August and I am DONE with them being home all day. *pulls hair out*

And here is a list of reasons why:

*My wine budget has far exceeded any Christmas budget we have ever had.

back to school kids parenting humor

*The liquor cabinet is on rations.  Sometimes wine doesn’t cut it so I have had to get into the hard stuff.  Sometimes this is before noon.

*I have heard the word mommy, mom, mama, and mother so many times that I am contemplating changing my name to bitch so that they can’t call me by my name.

*If we are stuck in the house it’s like a prison sentence.  There is only so much patience that I have left for crafts, teaching, and anything else that doesn’t involve technology.  Have you ever tried doing crafts with 3 little people? It takes longer to get everything out and ready and to clean up the mess, then we spend on actually doing the craft.  Plus I have had to use some of the craft supplies budget to add to the wine budget.  Don’t judge me.


*It’s hot outside and the summer toys have lost their lustre.  Hell, they were bored with those 2 weeks into the summer holiday.  *misses the days of having a pool*  The outside cement has been decorated so many times with sidewalk chalk that when the dog lays in it she’s 10 different shades of color when she gets up.  My children have also discovered that chalk and water makes for great paint.  They will lay in it and then make little human body prints everywhere.  This is usually right after I have given them a shower.  Now I just play mommy dearest and they get the hose.

*I play referee more times in one day than an NFL professional referee does in an entire season of football.  God for bid one of them destroys something on the others Minecraft bullshit.  You would think that the actual house was on fire and all it is, is a video game that I still can’t understand their obsession with.

sex in the shower gif

*I can’t remember the last time my husband and I had sex that didn’t qualify as a quickie in the shower.  You know the whole “Mommy and daddy are going to go get dressed  now so don’t come knock on the door 5 gazillion times tattling or asking for something” routine.  And then you lock the door and pray that they don’t unlock it…because yes, my kids know how to do that with a toothpick!

*I am trying to get them back into an early to bed routine.  The. struggle. is. real. and some nights I just give up and go to bed myself in hopes they won’t kill each other destroy something while I’m sleeping.

*I need to get back to the gym and I would like to have time to write a blog post without 1,000 interruptions.  Oh and did I mention my hair is falling out…or maybe that’s from me actually tugging on it several times throughout the day.

*I miss my alone time and can gradually feel my sanity slipping away.  I just might have to take money from the school supplies budget to hold me over on the wine since I still have 22 days to go.  *rolls her eyes as far back into her head as they can go* They don’t need new shoes right?  I can just cut holes in the ends of the old ones.  Again don’t judge me.

drinking wine humor

Counting the days to getting my sanity back,

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