Friends

Daily Prompt Writing Challenge

 

I have had many friends come and go throughout my life.

When we are young it’s so easy to make friends.  We just walk up to some random little person, like ourselves, and say “hey! Wanna play?”.  Instant friendship.  I can still remember some of my early childhood friends and I actually follow one of them on Instagram.  I have known her since the 3rd grade but although we follow each other on Instagram…we haven’t spoken to one another since I moved away after 7th grade.

Moving to a new town at the age of 14 wasn’t easy.  It wasn’t easy to make friends either, but over time I did.  Most of those friends I graduated with and we follow each other on Facebook.  Some I actually even chat with via Facebook chat.  And before Facebook chat I actually talked to them on the t-e-l-e-p-h-o-n-e.  These days, talking on the telephone is almost obsolete with 3 tiny monsters having “mommy’s on the phone, let’s act like assholes” radar.

Next are my pre-children friends.  They were the ones who knew this crazy girl that liked to drink and party a lot and was always just a phone call away when they needed someone to hang out with at last minute notice.  I was always ready and willing to keep someone company while they or myself drowned our sorrows at the bottom of a beer glass together. Or for just plain fun.  But once I had kids I think that some of those friends didn’t really know what to do with the “mommy me” person I had become.

friends friendships relationships best friends

So here I was at 36, just had my first child, and felt completely alone.  I had given up my career (which involved talking all day to adults) to be a stay home mom and found myself talking to myself most days.  The infant was listening I am sure, but not understanding a word that was coming out of my mouth.  He just cooed and smiled at me.  I could drop 100 F-bombs and he would just grin from ear to ear.

Then I started getting out and meeting other mommies.  At first it was just plain weird for me.  It just feels abnormal trying to make friends with complete strangers when you are an adult.  By adulthood you have become opinionated and judgmental and there are very few women whose personalities I found I clicked with.   I think I must have met about 25-30 mommies during a 3 year span of time and I still have relationships with only 5 of them.  And 3 of the 5 are related to one another.  Those are pretty horrible odds if you ask me.  But I cherish the 5 that I have and although we all live in different places I talk to them regularly and a couple of them have even come to visit me since moving here.

I can count on two hands the friends in my life who will be friends for a lifetime.  The ones that no matter how long it’s been since we see or talk to one another we just pick up right where we left off. These one’s will always be the Thelma’s to my Louise.

Thelma and Louise friendships friends best friends

The friendships that have faded I refer to as seasons, reasons, or just filler…and I’m ok with that.

I have also met a lot of wonderful people through blogging.  People all over the world that I have never met but I consider to be friends.friends friendships online social media  And what will always baffle me is how I can communicate with these people almost on a daily basis but in the two years I have lived here, there are neighbors I still have never done anything more than waved hello to.

Guess it’s because maybe it’s easier to strike up a friendship through a social network than it is face to face.  That comes with the awkwardness of being an adult.  As adults, we don’t just walk up to random other adults and say “hey, wanna be friends?”.  Sad but true.

 

Yours truly,

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~Why Marriage Is A Lot Of Work~

#marriage #work #relationships

My friend Rod over at Modern Dad Pages wrote a piece recently that got me to thinking and wanting to respond in my own way to his question of “Why Do We Say Marriage Is A Lot Of Work?”  He inspired me to want to write a blog post about it rather than leave a 600word essay message  in his comments.

Definition of work: Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result. This is according to a google search.  It’s also the same definition in which Rod used.  Google is a popular place…no wonder their stock price is 660.06 a share and up $24 at this moment.  Oh wait I was talking about marriage here….

What I gather of Rod’s “opinion” is that marriage doesn’t fall under this definition. So let’s break it down…

*Activity ~ That would be the marriage

*Involving Mental or physical effort ~ I don’t know about you but marriage makes me mental.  And I don’t mean this in a bad way…it doesn’t always make me want to stab my husband in the leg with a fork crazy all the time.  Mental is also happy, giddy, sad, aggravated, horny, ….etc.  As far as physical effort?  Hello what’s sex?  And I am sorry, I don’t care if you’ve been together 3 years or 30+ years…sex can sometimes be a physical effort.  Not to mention that when you’re finished, and you have done it right, you are breathing like you just got done exercising.  Exercising, by the definition standards of once again, google, is… activity requiring physical effort, carried out especially to sustain or improve health and fitness and a good sex life.  Yes I added the crossed out part.  Somehow, it just looks like it fits in that definition.

Another form of physical effort…hugging, kissing, wrestling around playing, holding hands, smacking each other across the face ass…etc.  It’s all physical and it all takes some effort …. from each of the participants.

*In order to achieve a purpose or result ~ All of the above must be done to “achieve” a successful marriage and not “result” in divorce.

Rod quoted:

“When I hear people talking about “marriage being a lot of work” it actually strikes a cord deep in me and I have to ask “why is marriage a lot of work, but when you hear people refer to a friend or best friend it flourishes”?

In my “opinion” I think all relationships need work by both parties.  A friendship only flourishes if both friends are making a mental and physical effort to be friends.  Caring about that friend, physically calling or texting that friend, thinking about that friend, having mental images about the times had with that friend.  If none of those are done…the friendship, as a result, dissolves.  And a lifetime friendship is not achieved.

Therefore, marriage and friendships are only successfully attained when both participants inspire towards mental and physical aspects, efforts, attempts, etc. …. all in a result to work together.

Rod also quoted:

You shouldn’t feel like you need to do things to keep them happy rather they should appreciate the small things you do for them. Marriage should be to your best friend and it should flourish rather than feel like “work”!

I agree that you should never feel obligated to make or keep someone happy.  Especially if there is no repercussion from the other person on efforts to make you happy.  But even the little things we do in our marriages and friendships, everyday, are mental and physical in order to achieve a long-lasting result.  If you completely ignore or fail to communicate with one another, there is nothing left to work on.

#marriage #work

For instance, if you go to work and there is nothing left to work on then you are let go(divorce) from said job(marriage).

In conclusion to Rod’s question…”my” answer is this:  marriage is a lot of work due to the fact that by NOT working on it…it won’t exist. It’s mental and physical effort to achieve a successful result.

I want to thank Rod for inspiring me to get my opinionated juices flowing.

What’s your opinion?

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And then the fun began...

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 12

Someone I Miss:

Must I narrow this to only one?  It’s my writing challenge therefore I am going to do what I want…oh wait…I do that all the time anyway.

I miss my maternal grandmother.  She has been gone for many years but there are so many pieces of me that I wish she could have seen.  I was still in my “selfish-all about me” stage of life when she past and I regret not telling her how much more appreciative of her I was.  She pretty much raised me and regardless of the generation gap between her raising her own children and then raising me I realize now that she always put me first.  I wish she could have met my children and seen how happy I am now.  When she was alive I was so contingent about who I was or wanted to be and usually I was just an asshole.

I miss my bestie.  I met my bestie at a playdate for our littles.  Problem is we didn’t realize how much we adored each other until a couple years later.  We are both kind of introverted in our ways and neither of us knows how to step over one’s boundaries.  But somehow we finally managed to do so…the year before I moved.  I miss our SAHM afternoon wine tastings and watching our kids all bond like they had been born in the same womb.  I miss going to the “wine and canvas” event with her(yeah we are a couple of winos…what of it?)…even though we had only attended two of them…I know that if I still lived there…we would still be attending them regularly.  I miss dinner “dates” that we would take our littles to.  Her daughter and my son are absolutely smitten with one another and there isn’t a day that goes by that my little B man doesn’t ask to go see his “girlfriend“.  He still doesn’t understand that we don’t just live down the street anymore.  I just miss spending time with her in general.

I miss my family.  I really don’t get to see any of them often enough due to the fact that we all live in different places.  I have the means to go visit them but 1 mom + 3 toddlers on a road trip = MOMMY IN A STRAIGHT JACKET by the end.  I did it one year with an infant and a toddler all while 7 months pregnant.  I survived but by the time we got home I thought I had done lost my mind somewhere between Salt Lake City UT and Las Vegas, NV, and someone had run over it.

I miss all my friends I had to leave behind due to moving.  I miss seeing their faces regularly and laughing until my cheeks and abs hurt.  I miss seeing their little people and being a part of their lives.  I really miss “girl-chatter“.

I realize that life just keeps changing.  We miss certain things and a lot of someone’s.  We experience new things and meet new someone’s.  And of course they can never replace the former ones but make new transitions worth the transitioning.

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In Search Of Another Mommy

In Search Of Another Mommy

I have always been quite the outgoing gal.  Always made friends really easily growing up and even in my early adulthood.  Granted, a lot of those friendships were made through my work but easily made just the same.  After I had kids some of those friendships changed because when you are single and have no children you have a tendency to flock with birds of the same feather.  So after my first child was born I joined mommy groups and even started one of my own and from those I made friendships that are still in existence to this day, even though the distance between us now is a six hour drive.

We moved here to the northern hemisphere of Nevada in March of 2014.  I have met a few people but mostly I just hang out with my husband and his friends from work (which are usually all men). I have tried starting a mommy group and several people say they want to get together but never do.  I can be a total hermit sometimes, but I am still willing to make the effort if someone else is willing to meet me half way.

During the summer time I noticed that my across the street neighbor was going to the same soccer practice that I was taking my (at the time 4 yr old) to.  I have only noticed older girls playing in the yard though and never any toddlers.  Then today I noticed that she left at the same time I left to go get 2 of my 3 littles from preschool but I couldn’t tell when I pulled into the parking lot of the preschool exactly what car may be hers or if her child/children even attend preschool there.  Then after I get home I am sitting here in the office typing up this blog and I have the window open to see if I can see her pull into her garage.  I almost feel like a STALKER!  So I ask myself…why don’t I just trot my happy ass across the street and knock on her door and introduce myself?  Because in my mind that would just be weird…that’s why.In Search Of Another Mommy  I try to think what my reaction would be if someone were to do that to me but quite honestly I would most likely be happy just to meet another mommy!  Especially if they lived in walking distance!  And if they liked to drink wine in the afternoon well then that would just seal the deal!!!  **motions wine glass at the computer screen**

In Search Of Another Mommy

When we moved into our house I payed attention to some of the kids on the street but all are older then my littles.  One of the neighbors stopped by while she was on her way out to say a quick hello and welcome us to the neighborhood.  Her kids are older but she seemed super nice ….plus she drives a jetta….really cool people drive jettas…I know this because I used to drive one. **smiles to herself** Not to mention her and her husband have a ton of dirt toys and just look like they would be fun people.  They even tried to help me chase down my escapee German Shepard one day and if I wasn’t so frazzled at the time I probably would have realized that it would have been a perfect opportunity to stop and possibly strike up a conversation with them.  But I didn’t.  Damn dog.

In Search Of Another Mommy

I know that everything takes time but I have always been an instant gratification type of person.  I am hoping that now that all of my kids have will be in school this fall,  that maybe this will give me the opportunity to meet some other mommies.  And as I wrap up this blog post, my neighbor has yet to have pulled into her garage or I am not very good at stalking and I missed her.  **sighs**

In Search Of Another Mommy

Searching For Mrs. Right,

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