They’re Just Boobs

I have always been noticed, remembered, and referred to as “the one with the big boobs”  Like somehow that triggers someones mental picture of who I am.  Yes I have big boobs…yes they are real…but what’s the big deal?

My nicknames in high school were “Titsa” …”Chesta”…”Emerson”….to name a few.  In case you were wondering what the meaning behind “Emerson” was….”Em-er-some big titties”.  What is it about big boobs that turns people into certifiable boob fruit loops?  Seriously?  And it’s not only men to blame for this fascination because I have had just as many women obsessed with my “twins” as men. Like for instance I returned to a place this evening that I have only been to one time before.  The bartender at said establishment welcomed me, at first, like she would welcome anyone.  Then she glanced from my face to my boobs and suddenly something in her mind went off like a light bulb and reminded her that she knew exactly who I was….”THE BOOBY CHIC!”

For those of you women who are thinking that you need a breast enlargement ….let me just tell you how overrated big boobs really are.  Let’s start with the basics of clothing.  Have you ever held up a shirt to see if it would possibly fit your boobs?  Have you ever seen an XL that was “made in China”?  Chinese women don’t have big boobs! Therefore an XL shirt, “made in China” might fit my 3 year old.

Next let’s talk about exercising with big boobs.  It sucks.  I wear a bra, a sports bra that is a size too small so it’s firm and still firm once my boobs have stretched it out.  Then I put on a tank top with a built in bra and then top it all off with a sweatshirt.  And then I get to the gym it’s 80 degrees in there and I am s*w*e*a*t*i*n*g!  Nothing compares to running on the treadmill.  I feel like I am doing so good and then I glance in the mirror and realize I look like “Forest Gump”.  Not to mention it HURTS!  So I just stick to brisk walking instead.

How about bathing suits?  The problem with those suckers is I am small in my hips and ass area, therefore if I find one that fits up top then the bottoms are drowning me.  So I am the one who takes a top from one and the bottoms of another and combines them on the same rack.  Let me just apologize if you have ever been the one who found the cutest suit, and it was the last one left, and either the top or the bottom was missing.  And yes I have tried doing a one piece but those are made for women with hips and ass.  And if you are lacking in those areas then they are VERY unflattering.

Then there is the awkwardness of walking into a room and meeting someone for the first time only to have them not even look you in the face!  And it’s like they aren’t even aware they are doing it!  Again…”THEY ARE JUST BOOBS PEOPLE!”  They don’t talk, they don’t shake hands, THEY DON’T COMMUNICATE!

….rant over.