House Cleaning Tips

I have always said that housework is not my life occupation profession business career “job description”.  I like to refer to myself as the president of this corporation I run, where from time to time the dreadful house cleaning must. be. done.

Now this isn’t going to be a list of actual house cleaning tips…but maybe you already guessed that.

This is what I feel about housework

Now I am not one to say that my house is anywhere near magazine looking.  Martha Stewart, I am not.  Martha Stewart would laugh at me and then we could sit back and share prison stories while she gave me some stock market tips.  **just roll with it**

There’s no “Homes And Gardens” knocking on my door.

Actually there’s no one knocking on my door…maybe because we have that bright red “NO SOLICITING” sign right in plain view.  Anyway…

And how about you men that stay home?  Are you all Mr. Clean’s?  Do you tread around the house with those magical white sponges, that I swear must have mother’s spit in them because they work so damn good.

I have finally learned to live by the motto that since I am the one who cleans, I will decide when and what gets cleaned.

housekeeping humor funny women

Now our house isn’t remotely close to an episode of Hoarders either.  There isn’t any bags of poo or 500 mice scurrying around inside our walls that we refer to as pets.  Yes I am aware that Hoarding is a disease and that most people don’t want to truly be that way but I am just making a point here.  (for all those easily offended)


I will tell you this though.  When I do clean something, I spend hours doing it.  The other night,  AFTER I put the kids to bed, I spent 3 hours in my very own kitchen scrubbing and disinfecting everything that had a surface.  And had it not been so late and I hadn’t had one too many whiskey on the rocks (it was Friday night people…pathetic…I know), I probably would have started organizing the 19 cabinet spaces our kitchen contains.  No, I don’t do meth, alcohol is like an energy drink for me.

And yes I do like to get a little drunk snockered inebriated  buzzed and then go on outrageous cleaning marathons, sometimes.  It makes it so less tedious.  Don’t judge me.

housekeeping humor funny women quote

I have been cleaning for over 30 years…personally I am quite sick of doing it.  And with 4 kids, a dog, and my husband…the struggle. is. real.  And yes they all have chores of their own to do, with the exception of my husband, but because I am so picky, I go around and still clean after they have cleaned.   My OCD has come a long way since having kids though.  When I was single and worked an obscene amount of hours…I had a maid.  And even after she would come, and even though the house was clean, my OCD would kick in and I would go and get the stuff that she missed.  Stuff that a normal person, without OCD, would have never noticed.


Any of my friends that knew me before I had kids, can speak for me that my house was “I’m hiding DNA evidence” clean.

Now days…whatever you do…don’t lift the couch cushions.

Don’t move the refrigerator or the washer and dryer for that matter.

Stay away from most drawers and cabinets in the utility room without signing an injury waiver first.


See the thing about house cleaning for me, is that it takes me so damn long to do one area of my house that it then takes me a day or two to recover before I get to another section.  Therefore, my house is never all clean in one day.  Actually there are just other things that I would truly rather be doing.

Here is the best house cleaning tip of all…WHEN IT’S DONE!


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Why Do We Do This As A Stay At Home Parent?

 A recent meme I saw sparked the idea for this posthusbands SAHM stay at home parents humor

Now who out there does this as a stay home mom?  Or dad even?  Instead, just picture the picture with say Seth Rogen running and Jennifer Anniston holding the door.

The “working” parent is coming home and we suddenly hit this “need to set fire to the house immediately” psycho-bitch-mom from hell mode.

stay home parent set fire housework

We start yelling asking the kids to please pick up PICK UP YOUR F*CKING SHIT PLEASE and running around like lunatics.

Why do we do this as a stay home parent?

Why do we do this to ourselves…period?

There are days when I really feel more like, it could only be one thing that survived today and it wasn’t the house.  #sorrynotsorry

Actually to be honest…it’s probably most days.  It’s either I look good, the kids are alive, or the house is clean.  2 out of 3 isn’t bad right?

If you were someone to drop by my house on any given afternoon, without notice, there would be toys, pillows, blankets, laundry, dishes, wrappers…etc. (This post would be too long if I listed everything so we will just go with those few).  But I also presume that you are coming to visit me and not my house.  Although, I might ask that you sign a waver before entering the premises just in case you were to slip, trip, or fall on something sharp.

But if you were to get here 10 minutes after my husband got home…you would think I had a maid.  This also goes for people who let me know before they drop by because we all know that we do our best cleaning 20 minutes before someone is coming over, right?

Somehow, we stay at home parents have come to the notion that if our houses are a mess then we are somehow failing at the “job” portion of our stay at home parenting.  I feel that my job is the house and that parenting is just that…parenting.

But now let’s get into whose “job” out of both parents is a more labor involved occupation.

Housework is filled with labor.  No, it’s not hard work, doesn’t take using your brain much, but it’s a lot of moving around.  There’s  bending over, climbing, lifting, squatting, and … you follow.

Laundry alone is a full-time job on it’s own.  There’s the gathering up of small children’s clothes usually by means of squatting to the floor, or the climbing over the bedroom furniture,  because they haven’t quite mastered the laundry basket yet.  Even though you have rehearsed it with them at least a hundred times….just this week.

laundry SAHM stay at home parent

Then it’s lifting the large sized basket of clothes, to the laundry room, that you know damn good and well shouldn’t have this many clothes in it.  Nope, this laundry basket is full because they like to take stuff off the hangers and put it on for 2 seconds, that I don’t see them, and then throw it on the floor.   **grits her teeth**

Then it’s bending over to stuff all the clothes into the washing machine.  I even have front loaders, but I am a tall girl, so I still have to bend.

The transfer from washer to dryer….easiest part of the job.

The worst part is putting all the damn shit clothes away.  There are some days I feel like just shoving the clothes in the drawers, wrinkled, and calling it a day.  **reaches for wine glass and switches on Pandora**

And let’s not forget bedding and towels.  I kid you not…I will wash one of the little monsters bedding and inevitably that night one, if not all 3 will either throw up or pee the bed.  Or have a case of pink eye in which then the sheets have to be washed everyday for the first few days.  To make and unmake a bed you must bend, lift, squat, and climb.  And cuss…a lot…because the corners are NEVER right!

I just got back from vacation so of course I am chin deep in laundry.  So for today the rest of the house will just have to look like I have 3 small children and a teenager who live here.

Possibly the rest of the week.  Oh shit, there’s daddy now…yeah I’m still sitting here.

What do you do as a stay home parent?  Do you tidy up before the other parent gets home? Let me know in the comments!

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~Fit Organics Product Review~

I was so lucky to have kind of stumbled upon a conversation on Twitter with a representative of the Fit Organic Company.  I happened to mention how much I love the fruit and vegetable wash, which I have been using for a few years now, and they asked if they could send me some samples of their new products.  Imagine my surprise when I opened the box to find this…

Fit Organic Product Review Domesticated Momster

Those are 6 full sized bottles and a strainer/bowl combo!

Needless to say I was super excited to try these products out!

I wil start off with the fruit and vegetable spray.  I can’t say enough about this stuff.  Have you ever been to the store and brought home apples that felt like they were caked with wax?  Disgusting right?  Well I keep the handy spray bottle filled and right next to the sink.  I give the fruit or vegetables a good spray.  (This is where now the strainer/bowl that they gave me comes in handy).  I spray the fruit or vegetables in the strainer part…give them a good rub…rinse with water and then place the strainer in the bowl and let dry.  Then my mini-monsters usually eat whatever has been washed right from the bowl.  I can’t say enough how awesome this product is and I will continue to use it for years to come.  You can read about or purchase it here.

Next will be the dish liquid.  It was strange at first for it’s not thick like regular dish washing liquid that I use nor does it suds up either.  This is probably due to the fact that it doesn’t have all the nasty chemicals that they use in other brands of dish soap.  It is an organic product.  It still cleaned my dishes just fine and because it’s a safer to use product I will surely be buying more of it.  You can read about and purchase here.

The cleaner and degreaser spray comes in a concentrated form which can be diluted to make up to 4 gallons from the above container.  And it works great on grease.  I used it on my stove after cooking bacon.  We all know what a mess that makes.  I sprayed it and waited a couple minutes then used a hot rag and wiped.  NO ELBOW GREASE INVOLVED.  And again because I know it is safer to use then other products I will buy this product again.  You can read about and purchase here.

The dishwasher liquid unfortunately didn’t live up to our hard water problems here in rural Nevada.  I have found that there is only one kind that keeps the dishes from coming out of the dishwasher with hard water stains.  And I am quite certain that is because of certain chemicals in my leading brand.  I will say though that the Fit Organic brand did better then other brands with the organic label on them.  Therefore, if you don’t have horribly hard water then I highly recommend Fit Organic if you are looking for an organic dishwasher liquid. Comes in citrus scent as well.  You can read about and purchase here.

Last but not least the laundry detergent.  Now I will honestly admit here that I am just very addicted to one brand of laundry detergent because well, when I scratch my clothes the smell that is released is amazing.  I know it’s strange but I just don’t see me ever changing laundry detergents.  But I will say that Fit Organic’s laundry detergent did the job of cleaning the clothes and they even make a gentle baby formula, so if you are looking to go the organic route it’s a great product and it even comes in “he” for energy saving washers and citrus as well.  You can read about and purchase here.

I want to thank Fit Organic for giving me the wonderful opportunity to try their new line of products.  Did I also mention that none of their products are tested on animals?  Makes their products even more fabulous! They also contain no synthetic detergents or artificial surfactants. They are a certified USDA organic product.

Disclosure:  I received these products for review and all the words and opinions above are of my own.

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