Writing Challenge Day 1

In my Timehop today there was a picture of a writing challenge that I obviously took a picture of and was thinking that perhaps I would try and do it and then didn’t.  Blogging is kind of like housework sometimes…I am easily distracted and get off course.

It’s going to be a challenge just finding the time to sit down everyday and write about each thing on the list…but I am going to give it a whirl.

The first day is…Your Current Relationship, if single, discuss how single life is.

Well I am not single so let me share the boring juicy details of my current relationship, which is marriage.

The King of the house and I met back in 2008.  He found his winning prize…yours truly…on yahoo personals.  I was living the single life with no kids and no responsibilities …well unless you count work and bills as part of those.

I have to admit that I was a little intimidated by him upon meeting him in person for the first time.  But a couple beers later and I was like *here’s my number…stop staring at my boobs…and call me if you want to hang out again.*  He was blowing up my phone with text messages 10 minutes later even though he will never admit it.  You know guys and how smooth they think they are.

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It wasn’t long before we were attached at the hip *grins* if you know what I mean.  And over the course of the next 3 years we would add three more children to the two he had when we got together.

Let’s fast forward to current day.

We will be celebrating our 8 year wedding anniversary on May 20th.  It’s really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I have been in a relationship for that long.  My previous relationships never made it past 5 years.  It had actually become a joke between my friends and I.  It was like a 5 year “you’re fucking out of here” curse.

Luckily there were never any children involved.

Now I’m not saying that we haven’t had some close calls of calling it quits but I really just don’t think there are any other people that could put up with either one of us.   We are both stubborn headed, I’m a little crazy, he’s a bit of an asshole, but somehow together we manage not to murder terminate slaughter butcher massacre snuff dispose of kill each other.  I mean those thoughts never even cross my mind. **picks up her halo and places it gently back over her devil horn**

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But like I have written before “marriage takes work” and “doesn’t run on auto pilot“.  You have to be able to laugh together, take time for one another(or sometimes away from each other), and you have to learn to pick your battles…may I suggest only picking the ones you know you can win…just saying.

My husband and I have decided divorce isn’t an option unless we just grow to literally hate one another or I stab him in the leg with a fork.  Whichever comes first.  Otherwise, we are lifers!

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Tips That Men Can Impress Their Ladies With On National Boyfriend’s Day

I am not a man who has come up with this post, nor have I interviewed any of those mortals that we women refer to as ball hugging creatures.  I am however here to perhaps help those of you morons gentlemen who do fondle handle cup scratch rub or hold those male crown jewels.

In this day and age if you want to get sex something  you need to give woo something.  Us women do have a dreaded switch…problem is the switch is usually stuck on bat shit crazy  psycho grumpy  mom mode, bitchy…or just plain ol “leave me the fuck alone” and will most likely stay that way unless you do something to “flip the switch“.

National Boyfriend's Day

Men don’t have switches…it’s not in their DNA.  How lucky for them.  And if they did, it would just always be stuck on “touch my junk“.

Therefore, in honor of National Boyfriend’s Day I am going to give some tips that men can use to impress their ladies.  In turn this means, be better boyfriend’s, lovers, and husbands and maybe just get your junk touched.

*A note taped to the mirror.  It doesn’t HAVE to be a love note.  You might be lucky and have the cool chic that would admire your sense of humor with”Hey you want to get the sheets dirty later?” and she would laugh and you’d be getting lucky in a few hours.

*A Facebook, or any social media of your choice, shout out to your favorite gal, girl, female, woman, or lady.  It’s so much less expensive than flowers that just die anyway.  But hey if your woman’s thing is flowers then by golly you better get your ass to the store and get some.  If it’s liquor, chocolate, a card, or whatever it may be…GET. IT. DONE!

*Tell her she is beautiful in a way that you “mean” it.  Even if she looks a mess because she has been busy working at the office all day, dealing with the kids all day and has 10 different kid fluids and food on her, just got done grocery shopping, or even if she is sweaty and stinky from the gym.  Make sure she knows she is not only a “hot” mess but that she is YOUR hot mess.

*Give a compliment.  Even if the only thing you can come up with is “Thanks so much for folding my shirt the right way”.  It’s at least a compliment.  Not a very brilliant one but hey, most women aren’t asking for brilliance when it comes to compliments.   We just like to feel appreciated.  Men and women have different ways of feeling appreciated.

*Don’t expect her to be in a good mood all the time.  Women have these dreadful things called HORMONES.  And men wouldn’t know what they were if they were sprinkled on their favorite meal like salt and pepper.  Could you even imagine if a man just suddenly started crying for no apparent reason?  The world would end.   So instead of pointing out her bad mood, which I am sure she is already well aware of, try making her laugh instead.  Say something funny.   Kiss her favorite spot.  Hug her and tell her…”hey everything’s going to be fine.”.

National Boyfriend's Day Tips

*Take her somewhere without asking her to make the choice.  If you have been together long enough than you should know the places she likes to go.  Or do something out of the ordinary.  And if you can’t think of something out of the ordinary then you are just plain lame.  Lame. Lame. Lame.  You don’t deserve a woman.

*Give her some time to herself.  Draw her a bubble bath.  Pour her a glass of her favorite poison.  Put on some of her favorite music.  Light some candles.  THEN LEAVE THE FUCKING ROOM!  Come back in about a half hour to see how she’s doing.  And no, this doesn’t mean naked, with your junk flashing around in her face like somehow her moment of relaxation should be interrupted for your benefit.  Check to see if she needs a refill.  Also to make sure she hasn’t fallen asleep and drowned.  Then, if you have kids, go put them little suckers to bed.  And MAYBE when she is done you can see about trying to get lucky.

*Pay attention to the music she has been listening to.  There is no better way to tell what’s going on in a girl/woman’s head than what she is listening to.  Especially if repeat is getting hit a lot.

Yes I am well aware that women can be complicated creatures.  It’s not our fault…it’s part of our DNA.  We can go from calm to crazy faster than you can scratch an itch.  You think we choose to be this way?  You think we don’t know when we are feeling or being bitchy?  The thing is, as men, you could learn to handle it a little better than just pouring gasoline on the already raging fire.

National Boyfriend's Day

And this doesn’t mean that you have to do all these things everyday either.  There are days that we are perfectly fine getting through the day without the likes of you.  But if you want more happiness in the atmosphere then you need to put out what you want back.  Complaining about it does nothing.  Action does.

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Housewife Failure

Yep, I am not afraid to admit it…I am a housewife failure.

When I was younger and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up the answer was NEVER “a housewife”.  I don’t even ever recall saying I wanted to be a mother.  I was never very “kid oriented”.  More like kid irritated.

But here I am at the ripe old age of 40 something *coughs* and that’s my exact title HOUSEWIFE.  I prefer the title of  Corporate Executive Officer Of Souzaville … it just sounds better rolling off my tongue.  But let’s face it … that would look a little funny printed on a resume.

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Housewife in definition is:

NOUN
a married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.

The problem is I am not very good at the housewife thing.  Sure I clean and tidy up from *time to time.

*Translation:  10 minutes before someone is coming over.

I have a laundry pile that my children could play hide and seek in.  Hell maybe I will try hiding in the damn pile.  Laundry baskets in this house are used for a variation of other things.  My children love to dump theirs out and then use them to build forts, use as night stands, or just simply leave lying in the middle of the floor…but never are there dirty clothes inside of them.  And up until last year I didn’t even own an iron.  What’s an iron for?  To make grilled cheese right?

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Or to cook bacon…I’m not picky
Now in my defense I do have 4 children who are just absolute slobs.  I have no idea where they inherited this gene from *coughs again while bubble of husband presents itself over her head*  because before they came along you could eat off any floor in my house.  I was a clean FREAK!

But after having them I eventually realized that something had to give or I was going to drive myself insane trying to keep up with the term, spotless.  The word spotless is no longer a word in my vocabulary.  I am surprised I even remember how to spell it.

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I haven’t even started housework by 9:30am…now if Marge is talking PM then that could be a possibility.
I mean let’s face it…kids are assigned chores so that we “housewives” don’t have so much housework to do right?  I mean they have to learn to earn their keep around here at some point in time.  I think the age of 2 isn’t asking too much right?

As for caring for my family, of course I care for them.  I care that my boys grow up to be respected men in their community and not to knock up every insecure girl that crosses their path.  I care that my girls grow up not to be those insecure girls.  And I care that my husband worships me until the day he lies on his death bed…probably claiming that I put him there.

That brings me to the WIFE part of housewife.  Yeah I am not very good at that.  I don’t do my husband’s laundry but let me explain why.  I used to.  But then he started complaining about how he wanted his clothes organized a certain way in his closet.  Color coordinated.  I was like NOPE. Time for you to DIY, my dear husband.

This also sometimes refers to him wanting sex.

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Neither dear…why not just watch some PornHub and DIY.
I also stopped making his lunch for this same reason.  I would pack it…he would complain how it was packed, unpack and repack it,  and so I live by the motto that if you don’t like the way someone is doing something, then do it your damn self.

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Well that would be an epic fail on my part but I also call bullshit!

How about a good husband…

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Now if my husband is reading this he would be nodding to himself about being every. one. of. these.  I will give him 7 out of 9. 😂😳  He can guess the 7.

I am fine with his penis size.

As for managing the household affairs well I manage everything.

  • I manage to keep the kids alive.
  • I manage not to burn the house down when I cook.
  • I manage to get a majority of the housework done within the month.
  • I manage not to stab my husband when he really pisses me off.
  • I manage to keep my sanity.  *looks around in doubt*
  • I manage to “occasionally ” find time to make sure my husband doesn’t leave the house hungry or horny.  *again looks around in a bit of doubt*
  • I manage to laugh out loud sometimes when no one is watching.
  • I manage to love myself even when I don’t feel like it sometimes.
  • And last but not least I manage to embrace this wonderful life I have created for myself regardless of how much I feel like a failure from time to time.

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And with that note…I think I will pour myself a tasty glass of poison, stumble over the pile of laundry, ignore the dust, the dozen or so toys strung from one end of the house to the other, the dirty dishes in the sink, carefully dodge the legos in the carpet,  and possibly watch some Netflix or dance in my underwear like no one is watching…well except the 3 small children who are the only ones home right now.

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No One’s Perfect,

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Throwback Thursday ~ Why Does Marriage Take A Lot Of Work

#marriage #work #relationships

I wrote this post about a year ago.  I made a few revisions and it’s my pick for Throwback Thursday.

My friend Rod over at Modern Dad Pages wrote a piece recently that got me to thinking and wanting to respond in my own way to his question of “Why Do We Say Marriage Is A Lot Of Work?”  He inspired me to want to write a blog post about it rather than leave a 600word essay message  in his comments.

Definition of work: Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result. This is according to a google search.  It’s also the same definition in which Rod used.  Google is a popular place…no wonder their stock price is 660.06 a share and up $24 at this moment.  Oh wait I was talking about marriage here….

UPDATE: Google today is worth 779.51 a share.

What I gather of Rod’s “opinion” is that marriage doesn’t fall under this definition. So let’s break it down…

*Activity ~ That would be the marriage

*Involving Mental or physical effort ~ I don’t know about you but marriage makes me mental.  And I don’t mean this in a bad way…it doesn’t always make me want to stab my husband in the leg with a fork crazy all the time.  Mental is also happy, giddy, sad, aggravated, horny, ….etc.

As far as physical effort?  Hello what’s sex?  And I am sorry, I don’t care if you’ve been together 3 years or 30+ years…sex can sometimes be a physical effort.  Not to mention that when you’re finished, and you have done it right, you are breathing like you just got done running a 5k marathon with a toddler strapped to your back.  Exercising, by the definition standards of once again, google, is… activity requiring physical effort, carried out especially to sustain or improve health and fitness and a good sex life.  Yes I added the crossed out part.  Somehow, it just looks like it fits in that definition.

UPDATE: I need more physical activity lately.

Another form of physical effort…hugging, kissing, wrestling around playing, holding hands, smacking each other across the face ass…etc.  It’s all physical and it all takes some effort …. from each of the participants.

*In order to achieve a purpose or result ~ All of the above must be done to “achieve” a successful marriage and not “result” in divorce.

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Rod quoted:

“When I hear people talking about “marriage being a lot of work” it actually strikes a cord deep in me and I have to ask “why is marriage a lot of work, but when you hear people refer to a friend or best friend it flourishes”?

In my “opinion” I think all relationships need work by both parties.  A friendship only flourishes if both friends are making a mental and physical effort to be friends.  Caring about that friend, physically calling or texting that friend, thinking about that friend, having mental images about the times had with that friend.  If none of those are done…the friendship, as a result, dissolves.  And a lifetime friendship is not achieved.

Therefore, marriage and friendships are only successfully attained when both participants inspire towards mental and physical aspects, efforts, attempts, etc. …. all in a result to work together.

Rod also quoted:

You shouldn’t feel like you need to do things to keep them happy rather they should appreciate the small things you do for them. Marriage should be to your best friend and it should flourish rather than feel like “work”!

I agree that you should never feel obligated to make or keep someone happy.  Especially if there is no repercussion from the other person on efforts to make you happy.  But even the little things we do in our marriages and friendships, everyday, are mental and physical in order to achieve a long-lasting result.  If you completely ignore or fail to communicate with one another, there is nothing left to work on.

#marriage #work

For instance, if you go to work and there is nothing left to work on then you are let go(divorce) from said job(marriage).

UPDATE: It’s been a rough year on my own marriage.  We have talked circles about change but now realize that it’s time to either stick to “working” on those changes or both our relationship statuses are going to change.

In conclusion to Rod’s question…”my” answer is this:  marriage is a lot of work due to the fact that by NOT working on it…it won’t exist. It’s mental and physical effort to achieve a successful result.

I want to thank Rod for inspiring me to get my opinionated juices flowing.

What’s your opinion?

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National Couples Appreciation Month

National Couples Appreciation Month relationships marriage dating

April is National Couples Appreciation Month.  So if you haven’t let your other half know how much you want to kill them appreciate them in awhile…then sometime this month is your chance.

My husband and I have been together since November of 2008, after meeting on the internet.  It didn’t take us long to become inseparable.  The fact that he could make me laugh ALL THE TIME is what attracted me to him the most.  He’s not bad to look at either.  *wink wink*  I mean who wouldn’t fall in love with someone who was brave enough to show off “the goat” after about a week of dating.

National Couples Appreciation Month relationships marriage dating love

Now I am sure you are wondering what “the goat” is right?  And I even tried to find an image of it on the internet with no success.  Basically it has to do with a man being naked and then tucking his balls between his legs and mooning you.  I was tempted to have my husband demonstrate his lovely talent but I don’t want to scare anyone.  But if you are laughing right now, then you have obviously painted a picture in your head and we are good!

Moving on….

We have been through a lot of ups and downs throughout the years, just like any relationship.  But I can honestly say that the ups still outweigh the downs tremendously.  We are both stubborn as hell which doesn’t help when we find some ridiculous thing to argue about like who’s better at driving or who takes longer to get ready for a date night.  But through it all I have come to realize that no matter what…he’s the one person in this world who has and always will have my back.  Who has seen me at my worst and still managed not to run for the hills to keep on loving me.

National Couples Appreciation Month relationships marriage dating

I know I don’t tell him enough how much I appreciate him.  I think we both just get busy with daily life sometimes and forget that this life we have built starts with the strong foundation we created…us.  We both work hard to provide love and stability for our family.

We recently had the pleasure of spending an entire week together, on vacation, with no kids.  The best part about the vacation was that I realized the foundation is still here…even with all the cracks and all the wear and tear it’s still just as strong, if not stronger, than the first day we met.  Or should I say, since the first day he showed me “the goat”?

Have you appreciated your other half lately?

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Quote Of The Week ~ Feb 14, 2016

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In honor of Valentine’s Day this is dedicated to my husband.   He drives me crazy sometimes but just enough to keep love interesting.

I believe that love and marriage aren’t always perfect.  That you always have to put effort where effort is needed and pay attention to the person you chose to spend your life with.

Love doesn’t belong on auto-pilot.  It deserves to keep being reinvented.  To be reminded of what made love spark in the first place.

And remember if you are lucky enough to find someone who makes living, loving, and spending your life with, worth every minute…never…ever…take it for granted.

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Quote Of The Week, November 28,2015~

 

marriage quotes couples love relationships

I recently wrote a post entitled “Marriage Doesn’t Work On Auto-Pilot“.  Therefore I found this quote so appropriate to follow up with that post.

As a couple you should never forget why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.  Every relationship is going to have struggles but if you just pay close attention to the needs of your partner and build from strength, then most problems can be resolved and a better understanding of the a marriage can be obtained.

The connection between two people who truly love, respect, and care for one another can never be broken.  These tools are the foundation that binds them together.

And always remember…..

YOUR PARTNER IS YOUR BEST FRIEND.

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