House Cleaning Tips

I have always said that housework is not my life occupation profession business career “job description”.  I like to refer to myself as the president of this corporation I run, where from time to time the dreadful house cleaning must. be. done.

Now this isn’t going to be a list of actual house cleaning tips…but maybe you already guessed that.

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This is what I feel about housework

Now I am not one to say that my house is anywhere near magazine looking.  Martha Stewart, I am not.  Martha Stewart would laugh at me and then we could sit back and share prison stories while she gave me some stock market tips.  **just roll with it**

There’s no “Homes And Gardens” knocking on my door.

Actually there’s no one knocking on my door…maybe because we have that bright red “NO SOLICITING” sign right in plain view.  Anyway…

And how about you men that stay home?  Are you all Mr. Clean’s?  Do you tread around the house with those magical white sponges, that I swear must have mother’s spit in them because they work so damn good.

I have finally learned to live by the motto that since I am the one who cleans, I will decide when and what gets cleaned.

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Now our house isn’t remotely close to an episode of Hoarders either.  There isn’t any bags of poo or 500 mice scurrying around inside our walls that we refer to as pets.  Yes I am aware that Hoarding is a disease and that most people don’t want to truly be that way but I am just making a point here.  (for all those easily offended)

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I will tell you this though.  When I do clean something, I spend hours doing it.  The other night,  AFTER I put the kids to bed, I spent 3 hours in my very own kitchen scrubbing and disinfecting everything that had a surface.  And had it not been so late and I hadn’t had one too many whiskey on the rocks (it was Friday night people…pathetic…I know), I probably would have started organizing the 19 cabinet spaces our kitchen contains.  No, I don’t do meth, alcohol is like an energy drink for me.

And yes I do like to get a little drunk snockered inebriated  buzzed and then go on outrageous cleaning marathons, sometimes.  It makes it so less tedious.  Don’t judge me.

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I have been cleaning for over 30 years…personally I am quite sick of doing it.  And with 4 kids, a dog, and my husband…the struggle. is. real.  And yes they all have chores of their own to do, with the exception of my husband, but because I am so picky, I go around and still clean after they have cleaned.   My OCD has come a long way since having kids though.  When I was single and worked an obscene amount of hours…I had a maid.  And even after she would come, and even though the house was clean, my OCD would kick in and I would go and get the stuff that she missed.  Stuff that a normal person, without OCD, would have never noticed.

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Any of my friends that knew me before I had kids, can speak for me that my house was “I’m hiding DNA evidence” clean.

Now days…whatever you do…don’t lift the couch cushions.

Don’t move the refrigerator or the washer and dryer for that matter.

Stay away from most drawers and cabinets in the utility room without signing an injury waiver first.

 

See the thing about house cleaning for me, is that it takes me so damn long to do one area of my house that it then takes me a day or two to recover before I get to another section.  Therefore, my house is never all clean in one day.  Actually there are just other things that I would truly rather be doing.

Here is the best house cleaning tip of all…WHEN IT’S DONE!

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DomesticatedMomster