The “M” Word Has Lost It’s Lusture

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There isn’t 5 minutes in my house that pass without me hearing the “M” word.  It comes in all forms.  Mom, mommy, mama, mom, ma…yes my middle little calls me ma.

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It’s funny that as parents we spend so much time, after our babies are born, wanting them to say their first words.  Then we spend the next several years trying to get them to shut the fuck up be quiet.   Of course when mine are all being quiet I know that shenanigans are well in the making.

As they become teenagers we try once again to get them talking.  By this age they want nothing to do with us.  Parents are antiquated and “uncool”.  And no matter how “young” we think we are…they think we should already be considering ourselves senior citizens and taking stock in depends and tennis balls.

I have started answering my children’s overuse of the word mom with statements like “at your service”, “that’s my name…you’ve wore it out”, and “WTF do you want now!”  They don’t even skip a beat…they just keep on rambling whatever form of information they were prepared to give me.  These days it usually consists of tattling.

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Am I a bad mother because there are times I literally cringe when I hear the word “mommy”?

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A Day In The Life Of Domesticated Momster

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A Day With Domesticated Momster

My Day In Detail…

It’s Sunday.  Long gone are the days of sleeping until noon while battling a hangover that’s  wanting to take over my entire body and smelling like whatever establishment I occupied until  the wee hours of the morning of the night before.  Waking up in a type of fog that not even coffee or a dose of 5 hr energy could lift.  My mouth tasting like I had eaten a dead possum laying in the middle of the road on the way home. And continuing my day curled up on the couch with pillow and blanket in close proximity all while watching a marathon of “Lifetime” movies.   Yes this was me…before motherhood…before my husband…now my Sunday’s are much more practical and meaningful….hahaha who am I kidding…Sundays are “pajama” days!  It’s funny that this part of the writing challenge would fall on the least busy day of the week for me.

On this particular Sunday…

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7:40am…heard hubby come home from working all night.  Mumbled something along the lines of ‘hi…how was your night?”.  Noticed Little Z was awake and ready for her breakfast.  (I love when only one at a time wakes up…makes the chaos much more controllable…especially while I am trying to get my first dose of caffeine digested.)  Made her breakfast and turned on her choice of cartoon.

8:00am…Snuck into the office for my morning “internet” routine.  I love the internet first thing in the morning.  Some people like reading a paper…I like looking through the world wide web for whatever tickles my fancy  awakens my mind.

8:20am…I hear the tapping of two more toddlers feet shuffling along the wooden floor.  They are rubbing their eyes and muttering “I want something to eat mommy”.  You should see Little M’s hair first thing in the morning ….looks like she wrestled with a fuzzy blanket full of balloons and lost.

images-4Got their breakfast served and positioned them at the table  while they quietly watched whatever cartoon was presenting itself on the TV.  Yes I know that “society” says I shouldn’t let my kids watch tv while sitting at the table eating but quite frankly I don’t care what “society” says because they aren’t raising my 3 toddlers.  I am.  **thought for a whole other blog post**

8:45am…They all finish up with breakfast and wander into the living room, with “security” blankets in tow and find their comfortable places on the couch.  Mind you…I have had to tell them to shhhh and be quiet, because daddy is sleeping, about half a dozen times already.  I have no clue how he sleeps through 5 kids on a Sunday.

9:00am…Still surfing the internet

9:20am…gather up Little B Man’s dirty clothes that didn’t quite make it into the hamper…”supermom on caffeine” is now starting to present herself and has started her first load of laundry for the day.  (I would like to know how the “Duggars” mom stays on top of her “19 Kids And Counting“‘s laundry pile…I know she has several washers and dryers but it’s still a lot of dirty clothes to tackle.)  Putting them in the washer and dryer is the easy part…folding and putting away takes lots of patience and effort…especially if you are trying to be “super laundry girl” who doesn’t leave them in a heap on top of the dryer or constantly restarting  the “steam and fluff” setting to avoid having to fold them while still getting the wrinkles out.

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11:15am…In two hours I have shushed the kids at least a dozen more times.  I have made a snack consisting of 3 different kinds of fruits.  (That’s the problem with them all having minds of their own now…they all 3 always want something different…last night we had to draw straws to see who got to pick the “time to settle down” flick of the the evening)

12:00pm…Lunchtime for the littles consisting of BBQ pulled pork sandwiches from a few nights ago.  By this time of day I am starting to get a little “toddler” crazy.  They are all fully awake and bouncing off the walls and I swear it’s worse when my husband is on night shift and trying to sleep.  It’s like their little radars are beeping to remind them to be loud and obnoxious and see how many times mommy can lose her shit!

12:30pm…GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE!

12:31pm…I sit down at the computer to try and finish a thought only to be interrupted by the constant dinging of  the dryer which has gone off not once, not twice, but THREE times now to remind me that it’s time to fold the clothes!  Someone in this house keeps turning on the “wrinkle guard” option so instead of the dryer just turning of  it starts back up every couple minutes until someone tends to the items inside.  It’s a brilliant option developed by dryer manufacturers but for me it’s just a constant reminder that my laziness is wasting electricity.

2:30pm…hubby is awake now and making a mess in the kitchen before he gets ready for work.  I think I might have actually got a couple blinks of a nap in there while the kids were “momentarily” behaving themselves.   Baby Z also dozed off even if it was for only 20 minutes at best.   Keeps the “crabbies” at bay.  Now starts the “afternoon” chaos.   Right now I am watching my husband as he writes on the egg container “HARDBOILED” ….twice….with a sharpie…as I hover over him making sure that the sharpie doesn’t get misplaced and then gets into the hands of my 3 year old toddler…the same toddler who has decorated the walls, doors, beds, and just about anything else with a surface…in which I have scrubbed off on more then one occasion.  (By the way…the “washable/wipeable” crayons really do just that…they are every mother, with a decorative toddler’s, dream coloring utensils.)

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2:50pm…time to get ready for the gym…the kids are all well aware that daddy is awake now and are all in full on scream patrol!  Mommy needs a break.  Off to the gym I go…must keep up with my “trophy wife” status.  **literally laughs out loud**

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4:45pm…home from the gym…had a great workout due to the fact that the gym was pretty much empty.  I like when the gym is vacant…not only do I get to use every piece of workout equipment that I want without having to wait but I also don’t feel stupid trying something new.  Inevitably every time I get the courage to try out a new gym apparatus I fail miserably and usually end up hurting myself, more out of embarrassment rather then pain.

5:00pm…WTF is for dinner?  **opens refrigerator in hopes that the light in her head turns on**  Oh look at that…lots of leftovers…problem solved.

6:00pm…Let the countdown to bedtime begin.  First off…bathing the dirty little monsters.  There is something about these last 2 hours before bedtime where a force bigger then all of us takes over…let’s say my full Momster mode comes out.  All of us are tired and cranky and just wanting the day to be over.  They seem to fight over every toy, tattle about every little moment and mommy’s patience meter is completely tapped out!

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6:45pm…I realize that I didn’t get the load of girls clothes in the dryer folded…DAMMIT!  Here they stand soaking wet wrapped in towels while I try and gather up anything resembling pajamas…leggings and a t-shirt?  Works for me.  **listens to them whine several times about these NOT being pajamas**

7:40pm…That’s a wrap people…12 hours… in a day of the life… of yours truly.

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Is It Snack Time?

I hear “Is it snack time?” at least 30 times a day.  My children could eat a meal and then 10 minutes after getting up from the table, ask if it’s snack time!

Now I understand that their little metabolisms are burning fast but I kid you not, if I left out a buffet of snacks all day long they would graze…all…day…long!

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I try to keep healthy and “toddler friendly” snacks on hand all the time.  Meaning it’s easy for them to open or get to without mommy having to help all the time.  Such as string cheese, various fruits, veggies, granola, yogurts, and of course various crackers.  I have even tried to get in the habit of washing the fruit before I put it away so that it is very easily accessible to them.   Sometimes I just say f**k it…a little pesticide won’t hurt…just makes us stronger right?

My littles aren’t too picky either.  My son loves radishes.  Yes, you read that right….RADISHES.  Will eat an entire bowl of them.  And broccoli?  I can’t make enough steamed broccoli….there is never any left over!  Where do my kids hail from you ask?

Of course they are just like any other child who loves the effects taste of sugar.  Especially at 7pm at night when daddy persuades them with candy.  (My daughter was literally chewing candy and brushing her teeth at the same time)  **shakes head**

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As I have sat down to write this blog they have come in at least 5 times in 20 minutes asking what time is it? (I told them snack time will be at 4)  And of course because I went to the store today they want a little bit of everything for a snack.  They keep opening the refrigerator door in anticipation of what they will have next.  Oh look at the time….here they come….

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Mommy To The Rescue

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Today was “dress as your favorite Dr. Suess character” day at school.  Luckily my little M still had her costume from Halloween and it still fit.  As for my little B…mommy had to get crafty.  Nothing like coming up with ideas at 6:30 in the morning…without a cup of coffee even in my system yet.

I had actually thought of the idea of “Thing 2” yesterday and went to our local Wal-mart late last night to see what I could gather up.  Needless to say they had nothing on my list of ideas.  N*O*T*H*I*N*G.  No surprise there really.

I found the blue beanie buried beneath the last of the winter stuff and bought some blue ribbon to pin to the top of the hat to make it look more like wild blue hair.  He’s wearing a pajama top, and that is literally sketch board paper that I used a “Sharpie” to write “THING 2” upon and pin it to the shirt.  What a way for me to improvise! **pats herself on the back**

I am always so last minute with everything and I keep thinking that one day it will change.  But the fact is I have been this way since I can remember.  I just cough it up to I work best under pressure.  He was excited about the costume and the smile on his face put a smile on mine.

And to add one more thing that doesn’t really relate to my topic but I just feel the need to share is…sometimes as a parent I am constantly thinking that I am messing motherhood up, but this morning (every morning actually but for some reason this morning it really hit me) as we were walking to the front door of the preschool….my little B man ran to get to the door first and upon opening it said “all my ladies first”.  I realized I must be doing something right to have such a sweet boy.

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March Moments

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When it reaches 50 degrees….we picnic!

I have reached 100!!!

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I have reached 100 followers on my blog!  It’s a small but accomplished goal…and I am currently patting myself on the back since there is no one else here to do so.  ((looks around))  I want to give credit to my 100th follower, Crazy Wrap Lady, she is a mother of 4 and boosting about an all natural energy drink.  Which is kind of ironic because my very first post ever to my blog was titled “My 3 Day Diet”  I have come a long way since that very first post.  And I love being able to go back into my archives and read what I have written along the way.  Thank you to all of those who read my blog and who helped make 100 possible.