Surviving The First Day Of School

I wasn’t very happy when that alarm sounded at the crack of dawn. ¬†And when I say “crack of dawn” ¬†I mean like the light was barely coming through the blinds and the sun hadn’t come up over the mountain yet.

At first I didn’t know what the sound was. ¬†I woke up thinking that one of my toddlers was surely going to be standing next to me with some new game they had wanted on their tablet making that hideous sound. ¬† And just as I was about to tell them to turn it down I realized it was…

THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL and my alarm was going off.

I don’t know what this guy is so upset about … 8:20 is sleeping in

It took me about 20 minutes to actually get out of my bed. ¬†Took me 19 just to get my eyes to stay open. ¬†As everyone is well aware…I hate mornings and truly believe that school should start at noon.


So I got myself up and ready and then went to wake the dragons. ¬†Two of the three woke just fine,¬†but¬†my little M is like her mommy and really wished that school started at noon too. ¬†And she wasn’t very excited about starting kindergarten in a new school after attending the same preschool for the previous year and a half.

I went to the closet and reminded her that she had a new Spider-Man shirt to wear to school and she quickly jumped out of bed and hopped in the shower.

back to school first day

The morning went smoothly.  Got everyone dressed, matching shoes and socks, hair combed, fed a good breakfast, lunches were packed and backpacks ready and out the door we went.

back to school first day

Don’t think that it will be like this all year people, because eventually there will come a morning where they will be eating pop tarts in the car with their hair barely brushed and be lucky if anything at all is matching. ¬†Don’t judge me. ¬†That’s just what I refer to as #momlife and I have many moments of it.


I thought that I might have a problem with my youngest, this year, being the only one being dropped off at daycare but she was super excited to go back to school and as soon as they said they had a new pet for the classroom she was off and running.  Sparkly light up shoes and all.  Never even looked back. *sheds tear*

Then it was off to the elementary school. ¬†The chaos of the first day is just crazy. ¬†Parents and kids everywhere. ¬†I didn’t even try to get a close parking spot, ¬†I parked up the street and my other 2 and I took a nice stroll.

Little M held my hand tight.  I knew she was so nervous.  Little B man of course zoomed like a pro.

I showed little M where she was supposed to line up and even got her to smile for the camera.  Something that she rarely does unless I catch her off guard.  The look on her face told me that she was going to be just fine.

back to school first day

Around 2pm I started to get really tired. ¬†Like tired enough that I felt like taking a nap…and I never nap.

This is literally what I looked like sitting in my chair…I haven’t shaved in a while.


And when I went to pick up the kids I realized that I had gone the entire day (including making it to the gym) without any CAFFEINE!  WTF?!?!?!

I was so busy that morning running around like a maniac that I had actually forgotten to consume any caffeine. ¬†What mother in her right mind does that? ¬†Yes, I know, I must not be in my right mind…news flash there.

So needless to say, it was too late in the day to consume any at this point and when 8pm rolled around, and I put the kids to bed, I crawled into bed too.

The last time I remember looking at the clock it was 9:30pm. ¬†And I survived the first day of school without ever having a sip of caffeine. ¬†GO FUCKING ME!ūüôčūüŹĽ


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Currently Taking Applications For A Clone Of Myself

Have any of you ever thought how wonderful it would be if you could clone yourself? ¬†Like Michael Keaton did in the movie “Multiplicity“. ¬†If you haven’t ever seen it I highly recommend it for a good laugh. ¬†Below is one of my favorite scenes from the movie.

Lately I just feel like there are not enough hours in the day to ever get done what I want or NEED to get done.  Not to mention I NEED sleep and anything less than 6 hours just makes for me to be a complete crotch twat bitch grumpy ass zombie gif

I have tried putting myself on schedules…even writing them down to try to help me stick to them and inevitably, almost daily, something comes along that puts a quirk in my plan.

I am running around so crazy that I went to the store to get my daughters kindergarten supplies and grabbed the sheet for the wrong school. ¬†Needless to say it takes too much time to return or exchange the stuff so I will just go get the items I don’t have and put the rest in our craft supplies. ¬†And then proceed to face plant my head into a tree.

face plant tree gif

Below is a copy of the daily routine I am about to endure come Monday.

6am – alarm will go off. ¬†Now this of course doesn’t mean that I will jump out of bed at that very moment. ¬†This is just a reminder that the crazy chaos is getting ready to start.

Between the time I tear myself from the comfort of my favorite bed, set my feet on the floor, and 7:40am I will have gotten 4 kids up (granted one is a teen and can get himself up and ready but there are times he doesn’t hear his alarm clock), dressed, fed, lunches made, and then drive to 3 different schools, dropping the last two off by 8am.

By 8:15 I hope to be getting my workout on!  And until 11:30, when I pick up my youngest from preschool, having the freedom to get done whatever NEEDS to get done, that is just easier, without having any children in tow.

Now granted, I am looking forward that I will only have one child this year from 11:30 to 3. ¬† ONE CHILD! ¬† I don’t even know what that resembles. ¬†I don’t even remember what it was like before I had children….oh wait….yes I do….

partying before kids single


I have signed all the littles up for soccer this year, my oldest made varsity football, and my littlest little will also be doing tumbling. ¬†She decided she wanted to try it instead of ballet but has informed me that if she doesn’t like it, then she will want to return to ballet. ¬†My husband also wants to put them all in Tae Kwon Do. ¬†“Sure honey let me just pencil that in right between brink of insanity and straight jacket.”.

I’m just kidding…who doesn’t love a full plate? ¬†*picks mind up off the floor*

supermom quote funny humor

I will be attending 3 different soccer practices on three different days Tues, Wed, and Thurs, and then tumbling on Fridays. ¬†Game schedules haven’t been posted yet but I am quite certain I will be running from field to field on Saturdays and of course Friday night high school football games. ¬†AND trying to attend some of the out-of-town games since we live in a rural area and they travel to other towns for away games.

And somewhere in here I will need to find the energy to have sex with my husband.  This is where a clone WOULD BE GREAT!  And of course for other various chores like housework and laundry.

I think I just referred to having sex with my husband as a chore.  Ooooops.  *smirks*


So if anyone is interested, I am currently taking applications for a clone of myself.  Pass me it around.

Thanks In Advance,

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How You Know It’s Time For The Kids To Go Back To School

I don’t know about you but I am counting down the minutes seconds days for my little ones to go back to school.

I remember that I couldn’t wait for school to be out and not have to wake up to an alarm clock or rush around like a psychopath mad woman to get the kids up, dressed, fed, and off to three different schools.

We had all these summer vacations and fun plans and memories to make.   Well now here it is almost the middle of August and I am DONE with them being home all day. *pulls hair out*

And here is a list of reasons why:

*My wine budget has far exceeded any Christmas budget we have ever had.

back to school kids parenting humor

*The liquor cabinet is on rations. ¬†Sometimes wine doesn’t cut it so I have had to get into the hard stuff. ¬†Sometimes this is before noon.

*I have heard the word mommy, mom, mama, and mother so many times that I am contemplating changing my name to bitch so that they can’t call me by my name.

*If we are stuck in the house it’s like a prison sentence. ¬†There is only so much patience that I have left for crafts, teaching, and anything else that doesn’t involve technology. ¬†Have you ever tried doing crafts with 3 little people? It takes longer to get everything out and ready and to clean up the mess, then we spend on actually doing the craft. ¬†Plus I have had to use some of the craft supplies budget to add to the wine budget. ¬†Don’t judge me.

*It’s hot outside and the summer toys have lost their lustre. ¬†Hell, they were bored with those 2 weeks into the summer holiday. ¬†*misses the days of having a pool* ¬†The outside cement has been decorated so many times with sidewalk chalk that when the dog lays in it she’s 10 different shades of color when she gets up. ¬†My children have also discovered that chalk and water makes for great paint. ¬†They will lay in it and then make little human body prints everywhere. ¬†This is usually right after I have given them a shower. ¬†Now I just play mommy dearest and they get the hose.

*I play referee more times in one day than an NFL professional referee does in an entire season of football. ¬†God for bid one of them destroys something on the others Minecraft bullshit. ¬†You would think that the actual house was on fire and all it is, is a video game that I still can’t understand their obsession with.

sex in the shower gif

*I can’t remember the last time my husband and I had sex that didn’t qualify as a quickie in the shower. ¬†You know the whole “Mommy and daddy are going to go get dressed ¬†now so don’t come knock on the door 5 gazillion times tattling or asking for something” routine. ¬†And then you lock the door and pray that they don’t unlock it…because yes, my kids know how to do that with a toothpick!

*I am trying to get them back into an early to bed routine. ¬†The. struggle. is. real. and some nights I just give up and go to bed myself in hopes they won’t kill each other destroy something while I’m sleeping.

*I need to get back to the gym and I would like to have time to write a blog post without 1,000 interruptions. ¬†Oh and did I mention my hair is falling out…or maybe that’s from me actually tugging on it several times throughout the day.

*I miss my alone time and can gradually feel my sanity slipping away. ¬†I just might have to take money from the school supplies budget to hold me over on the wine since I still have 22 days to go. ¬†*rolls her eyes as far back into her head as they can go* They don’t need new shoes right? ¬†I can just cut holes in the ends of the old ones. ¬†Again don’t judge me.

drinking wine humor

Counting the days to getting my sanity back,

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Why Do We Do This As A Stay At Home Parent?

 A recent meme I saw sparked the idea for this posthusbands SAHM stay at home parents humor

Now who out there does this as a stay home mom?  Or dad even?  Instead, just picture the picture with say Seth Rogen running and Jennifer Anniston holding the door.

The “working” parent is coming home and we suddenly hit this “need to set fire to the house immediately” psycho-bitch-mom from hell mode.

stay home parent set fire housework

We start yelling asking the kids to please pick up PICK UP YOUR F*CKING SHIT PLEASE and running around like lunatics.

Why do we do this as a stay home parent?

Why do we do this to ourselves…period?

There are days when I really feel more like, it could only be one thing that survived today and it wasn’t the house.  #sorrynotsorry

Actually to be honest…it’s probably most days.  It’s either I look good, the kids are alive, or the house is clean.  2 out of 3 isn’t bad right?

If you were someone to drop by my house on any given afternoon, without notice, there would be toys, pillows, blankets, laundry, dishes, wrappers…etc. (This post would be too long if I listed everything so we will just go with those few).  But I also presume that you are coming to visit me and not my house.  Although, I might ask that you sign a waver before entering the premises just in case you were to slip, trip, or fall on something sharp.

But if you were to get here 10 minutes after my husband got home…you would think I had a maid.  This also goes for people who let me know before they drop by because we all know that we do our best cleaning 20 minutes before someone is coming over, right?

Somehow, we stay at home parents have come to the notion that if our houses are a mess then we are somehow failing at the “job” portion of our stay at home parenting.  I feel that my job is the house and that parenting is just that…parenting.

But now let’s get into whose “job” out of both parents is a more labor involved occupation.

Housework is filled with labor.  No, it’s not hard work, doesn’t take using your brain much, but it’s a lot of moving around.  There’s  bending over, climbing, lifting, squatting, and … you follow.

Laundry alone is a full-time job on it’s own.  There’s the gathering up of small children’s clothes usually by means of squatting to the floor, or the climbing over the bedroom furniture,  because they haven’t quite mastered the laundry basket yet.  Even though you have rehearsed it with them at least a hundred times….just this week.

laundry SAHM stay at home parent

Then it’s lifting the large sized basket of clothes, to the laundry room, that you know damn good and well shouldn’t have this many clothes in it.  Nope, this laundry basket is full because they like to take stuff off the hangers and put it on for 2 seconds, that I don’t see them, and then throw it on the floor.   **grits her teeth**

Then it’s bending over to stuff all the clothes into the washing machine.  I even have front loaders, but I am a tall girl, so I still have to bend.

The transfer from washer to dryer….easiest part of the job.

The worst part is putting all the damn shit clothes away.  There are some days I feel like just shoving the clothes in the drawers, wrinkled, and calling it a day.  **reaches for wine glass and switches on Pandora**

And let’s not forget bedding and towels.  I kid you not…I will wash one of the little monsters bedding and inevitably that night one, if not all 3 will either throw up or pee the bed.  Or have a case of pink eye in which then the sheets have to be washed everyday for the first few days.  To make and unmake a bed you must bend, lift, squat, and climb.  And cuss…a lot…because the corners are NEVER right!

I just got back from vacation so of course I am chin deep in laundry.  So for today the rest of the house will just have to look like I have 3 small children and a teenager who live here.

Possibly the rest of the week.  Oh shit, there’s daddy now…yeah I’m still sitting here.

What do you do as a stay home parent?  Do you tidy up before the other parent gets home? Let me know in the comments!

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