Throwback Thursday ~I Am A MomWho

 

From the time the little mini monsters come out of our bodies it is a constant cater to everything pertaining to their well being.  Our own well being suddenly becomes extinct.  We no longer have days at the salon or days spent window shopping at the mall…oh wait I didn’t really do that even before I had kids.

motherhood, mommies, parenting, humor

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*Gets to stay home and watch her children grow each and every day.

~This also means I am I am never away from you…well sometimes but rarely

*Loves to watch every exciting new moment discovered in your eyes.

~Especially when you decide to apply toothpaste to every crevice of the house…or peanut butter…oh and let’s not forget SYRUP!

*Couldn’t imagine her life without you in it.

~Just please let me sleep in for once!

*Watches you interact with one another and realizes the choice to have more then one was the right choice.

~Then you start fighting!  Thought destroyed…moment over, done, past tense.

*Sees how much you are growing up and starting to be more independent by picking up your toys.

~Oh wait that requires bribery and a big bottle glass of wine when we are done.

*Wants to love you, and squeeze you, and smother you with kisses.

~What’s that smell?  Is that fucking poop in your hair?

*Loves to watch you run and play outside as the sun beats on your beautiful face.

~Is that dog shit on your shoe?  GET BACK OUTSIDE!

*Just look how innocent you look while you are sleeping.

~Whats that on your sheets?  IS THAT PERMANENT MARKER?!?!

*Would do anything for her children.

~No you can’t have another sibling!

*Loves being your mommy.

~Through good times and bad…all the time.

Mommy Of The Year,

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Friends

Daily Prompt Writing Challenge

 

I have had many friends come and go throughout my life.

When we are young it’s so easy to make friends.  We just walk up to some random little person, like ourselves, and say “hey! Wanna play?”.  Instant friendship.  I can still remember some of my early childhood friends and I actually follow one of them on Instagram.  I have known her since the 3rd grade but although we follow each other on Instagram…we haven’t spoken to one another since I moved away after 7th grade.

Moving to a new town at the age of 14 wasn’t easy.  It wasn’t easy to make friends either, but over time I did.  Most of those friends I graduated with and we follow each other on Facebook.  Some I actually even chat with via Facebook chat.  And before Facebook chat I actually talked to them on the t-e-l-e-p-h-o-n-e.  These days, talking on the telephone is almost obsolete with 3 tiny monsters having “mommy’s on the phone, let’s act like assholes” radar.

Next are my pre-children friends.  They were the ones who knew this crazy girl that liked to drink and party a lot and was always just a phone call away when they needed someone to hang out with at last minute notice.  I was always ready and willing to keep someone company while they or myself drowned our sorrows at the bottom of a beer glass together. Or for just plain fun.  But once I had kids I think that some of those friends didn’t really know what to do with the “mommy me” person I had become.

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So here I was at 36, just had my first child, and felt completely alone.  I had given up my career (which involved talking all day to adults) to be a stay home mom and found myself talking to myself most days.  The infant was listening I am sure, but not understanding a word that was coming out of my mouth.  He just cooed and smiled at me.  I could drop 100 F-bombs and he would just grin from ear to ear.

Then I started getting out and meeting other mommies.  At first it was just plain weird for me.  It just feels abnormal trying to make friends with complete strangers when you are an adult.  By adulthood you have become opinionated and judgmental and there are very few women whose personalities I found I clicked with.   I think I must have met about 25-30 mommies during a 3 year span of time and I still have relationships with only 5 of them.  And 3 of the 5 are related to one another.  Those are pretty horrible odds if you ask me.  But I cherish the 5 that I have and although we all live in different places I talk to them regularly and a couple of them have even come to visit me since moving here.

I can count on two hands the friends in my life who will be friends for a lifetime.  The ones that no matter how long it’s been since we see or talk to one another we just pick up right where we left off. These one’s will always be the Thelma’s to my Louise.

Thelma and Louise friendships friends best friends

The friendships that have faded I refer to as seasons, reasons, or just filler…and I’m ok with that.

I have also met a lot of wonderful people through blogging.  People all over the world that I have never met but I consider to be friends.friends friendships online social media  And what will always baffle me is how I can communicate with these people almost on a daily basis but in the two years I have lived here, there are neighbors I still have never done anything more than waved hello to.

Guess it’s because maybe it’s easier to strike up a friendship through a social network than it is face to face.  That comes with the awkwardness of being an adult.  As adults, we don’t just walk up to random other adults and say “hey, wanna be friends?”.  Sad but true.

 

Yours truly,

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 4

25 Things To Do Before My Next Birthday…

This one is quite amusing since my birthday is Friday.  So I am going to make a list of things that I want to get done before Friday and see how much of the list I complete.

1.  Keep the kids alive.  This is very important.  Hence why it is at the top.

2. ¬†Workout Everyday…even if it’s just a quick walk around the hood.

3. ¬†Get every piece of laundry done…before Friday…now that’s a challenge!

4.  Get to bed before midnight some time this week.

5. ¬†Make sure all my “cleaning chores” are done by Friday…no one likes to clean on their birthday.

6. ¬†Lose a pound. ¬†It’s the tiny goals that keep me motivated.

7. ¬†Grocery shopping…we are almost in “Mother Hubbard” status. ¬†(seriously…click on that…have you ever read it? Creepy!)

8. ¬†Clean out one closet in the house. ¬†It’s amazing what accumulates in a year.

9.  Catch up on some shows on my DVR list.

10. ¬†Bubble bath and wine one night…maybe two. ¬† (my birthday night doesn’t count)

11. ¬†Order Little Z’s birthday present. ¬†Her birthday is the same day as mine.

12. ¬†Have sex. ¬†With a random stranger…hahaha just kidding…with my husband of course.

13. ¬†Take the littles to the park…weather permitting of course…today is cold and rainy.

14. ¬†Tie my shoes…**I am running out of ideas here people**

15. ¬†Try not to yell so much…that will take more of numbers 10 and 12. ¬†I truly hate yelling but sometimes it’s the only way they L-I-S-T-E-N!

16. ¬†Don’t strangle the teenagers. ¬†Need I say more?

17. ¬†Wake up. ¬†Hey this one is important….I don’t think the household would operate very well without my presence.

18.  Consume lots of caffeine.  This will be needed to complete 1-17.

19. ¬†Be Thankful. ¬†Figured I had better throw that in there…this is starting to sound like a struggle.

20. ¬†Take my Zoloft. ¬†Believe it or not…I forget to do this.

21.  Go to the spa.  Hahahaha!

22. Dye my hair. ¬†Don’t need all these gray hairs reminding me how old I am going to be on Friday.

23. ¬†Go to the dentist to check on the 4 gaping holes in the back of my mouth. ¬†It’s on the “to do list” board but I will probably still forget.

24.  Blog!

25. ¬†Breathe. ¬†Can’t do anything on this list without that right? **grasping at straws**

Whew this was a challenge!

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A Day In The Life Of Domesticated Momster

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A Day With Domesticated Momster

My Day In Detail…

It’s Sunday. ¬†Long gone are the days of sleeping until noon while battling a hangover that’s ¬†wanting to take over my entire body and smelling like whatever establishment I occupied until ¬†the wee hours of the morning of the night before. ¬†Waking up in a type of fog that not even coffee or a dose of 5 hr energy could lift. ¬†My mouth tasting like I had eaten a dead possum laying in the middle of the road on the way home. And continuing my day curled up on the couch with pillow and blanket in close proximity all while watching a marathon of “Lifetime” movies. ¬† Yes this was me…before motherhood…before my husband…now my Sunday’s are much more practical and meaningful….hahaha who am I kidding…Sundays are “pajama” days! ¬†It’s funny that this part of the writing challenge would¬†fall on the least busy day of the week for me.

On this particular Sunday…

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7:40am…heard hubby come home from working all night. ¬†Mumbled something along the lines of ‘hi…how was your night?”. ¬†Noticed Little Z was awake and ready for her breakfast. ¬†(I love when only one at a time wakes up…makes the chaos much more controllable…especially while I am trying to get my first dose of caffeine digested.) ¬†Made her breakfast and turned on her choice of cartoon.

8:00am…Snuck into the office for my morning “internet” routine. ¬†I love the internet first thing in the morning. ¬†Some people like reading a paper…I like looking through the world wide web for whatever tickles my fancy ¬†awakens my mind.

8:20am…I hear the tapping of two more toddlers feet shuffling along the wooden floor. ¬†They are rubbing their eyes and muttering “I want something to eat mommy”. ¬†You should see Little M’s hair first thing in the morning ….looks like she wrestled with a fuzzy blanket full of balloons and lost.

images-4Got their breakfast served and positioned them at the table ¬†while they quietly watched whatever cartoon was presenting itself on the TV. ¬†Yes I know that “society” says I shouldn’t let my kids watch tv while sitting at the table eating but quite frankly I don’t care what “society” says because they aren’t raising my 3 toddlers. ¬†I am. ¬†**thought for a whole other blog post**

8:45am…They all finish up with breakfast and wander into the living room, with “security” blankets in tow and find their comfortable places on the couch. ¬†Mind you…I have had to tell them to shhhh and be quiet, because daddy is sleeping, about half a dozen times already. ¬†I have no clue how he sleeps through 5 kids on a Sunday.

9:00am…Still surfing the internet

9:20am…gather up Little B Man’s dirty clothes that didn’t quite make it into the hamper…”supermom on caffeine” is now starting to present herself and has started her first load of laundry for the day. ¬†(I would like to know how the “Duggars” mom stays on top of her “19 Kids And Counting“‘s laundry pile…I know she has several washers and dryers but it’s still a lot of dirty clothes to tackle.) ¬†Putting them in the washer and dryer is the easy part…folding and putting away takes lots of patience and effort…especially if you are trying to be “super laundry girl” who doesn’t leave them in a heap on top of the dryer or constantly restarting ¬†the “steam and fluff” setting to avoid having to fold them while still getting the wrinkles out.

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11:15am…In two hours I have shushed the kids at least a dozen more times. ¬†I have made a snack consisting of 3 different kinds of fruits. ¬†(That’s the problem with them all having minds of their own now…they all 3 always want something different…last night we had to draw straws to see who got to pick the “time to settle down” flick of the the evening)

12:00pm…Lunchtime for the littles consisting of BBQ pulled pork sandwiches from a few nights ago. ¬†By this time of day I am starting to get a little “toddler” crazy. ¬†They are all fully awake and bouncing off the walls and I swear it’s worse when my husband is on night shift and trying to sleep. ¬†It’s like their little radars are beeping to remind them to be loud and obnoxious and see how many times mommy can lose her shit!

12:30pm…GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE!

12:31pm…I sit down at the computer to try and finish a thought only to be interrupted by the constant dinging of ¬†the dryer which has gone off not once, not twice, but THREE times now to remind me that it’s time to fold the clothes! ¬†Someone in this house keeps turning on the “wrinkle guard” option so instead of the dryer just turning of¬†¬†it starts back up every couple minutes until someone tends to the items inside. ¬†It’s a brilliant option developed by dryer manufacturers but for me it’s just a constant reminder that my laziness is wasting electricity.

2:30pm…hubby is awake now and making a mess in the kitchen before he gets ready for work. ¬†I think I might have actually got a couple blinks of a nap in there while the kids were “momentarily” behaving themselves. ¬† Baby Z also dozed off even if it was for only 20 minutes at best. ¬† Keeps the “crabbies” at bay. ¬†Now starts the “afternoon” chaos. ¬† Right now I am watching my husband as he writes on the egg container “HARDBOILED” ….twice….with a sharpie…as I hover over him making sure that the sharpie doesn’t get misplaced and then gets into the hands of my 3 year old toddler…the same toddler who has decorated the walls, doors, beds, and just about anything else with a surface…in which I have scrubbed off on more then one occasion. ¬†(By the way…the “washable/wipeable” crayons really do just that…they are every mother, with a decorative toddler’s, dream coloring utensils.)

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2:50pm…time to get ready for the gym…the kids are all well aware that daddy is awake now and are all in full on scream patrol! ¬†Mommy needs a break. ¬†Off to the gym I go…must keep up with my “trophy wife” status. ¬†**literally laughs out loud**

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4:45pm…home from the gym…had a great workout due to the fact that the gym was pretty much empty. ¬†I like when the gym is vacant…not only do I get to use every piece of workout equipment that I want without having to wait but I also don’t feel stupid trying something new. ¬†Inevitably every time I get the courage to try out a new gym apparatus I fail miserably and usually end up hurting myself, more out of embarrassment rather then pain.

5:00pm…WTF is for dinner? ¬†**opens refrigerator in hopes that the light in her head turns on** ¬†Oh look at that…lots of leftovers…problem solved.

6:00pm…Let the countdown to bedtime begin. ¬†First off…bathing the dirty little monsters. ¬†There is something about these last 2 hours before bedtime where a force bigger then all of us takes over…let’s say my full Momster mode comes out. ¬†All of us are tired and cranky and just wanting the day to be over. ¬†They seem to fight over every toy, tattle about every little moment and mommy’s patience meter is completely tapped out!

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6:45pm…I realize that I didn’t get the load of girls clothes in the dryer folded…DAMMIT! ¬†Here they stand soaking wet wrapped in towels while I try and gather up anything resembling pajamas…leggings and a t-shirt? ¬†Works for me. ¬†**listens to them whine several times about these NOT being pajamas**

7:40pm…That’s a wrap people…12 hours… in a day of the life… of yours truly.

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Taking a moment to visit the archives!

Is It Snack Time?

I hear “Is it snack time?” at least 30 times a day. ¬†My children could eat a meal and then 10 minutes after getting up from the table, ask if it’s snack time!

Now I understand that their little metabolisms are burning fast but I kid you not, if I left out a buffet of snacks all day long they would graze…all…day…long!

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I try to keep healthy and “toddler friendly” snacks on hand all the time. ¬†Meaning it’s easy for them to open or get to without mommy having to help all the time. ¬†Such as string cheese, various fruits, veggies, granola, yogurts, and of course various crackers. ¬†I have even tried to get in the habit of washing the fruit before I put it away so that it is very easily accessible to them. ¬† Sometimes I just say f**k it…a little pesticide won’t hurt…just makes us stronger right?

My littles aren’t too picky either. ¬†My son loves radishes. ¬†Yes, you read that right….RADISHES. ¬†Will eat an entire bowl of them. ¬†And broccoli? ¬†I can’t make enough steamed broccoli….there is never any left over! ¬†Where do my kids hail from you ask?

Of course they are just like any other child who loves the effects taste of sugar.  Especially at 7pm at night when daddy persuades them with candy.  (My daughter was literally chewing candy and brushing her teeth at the same time)  **shakes head**

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As I have sat down to write this blog they have come in at least 5 times in 20 minutes asking what time is it? (I told them snack time will be at 4) ¬†And of course because I went to the store today they want a little bit of everything for a snack. ¬†They keep opening the refrigerator door in anticipation of what they will have next. ¬†Oh look at the time….here they come….

Soon To Be Mother Hubbard,

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March Moments

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When it reaches 50 degrees….we picnic!