~A Dreaded Phrase~

I like my teacher a little more than you mommy.”

The words that for the past several weeks have been stinging my heart. They were said by my 5-year-old and although I understand why… it still hurts.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that my son’s teacher is such a good teacher that he adores her.  I know there will be times in his school life that there are going to be teachers he doesn’t like.  But as a mother, a mother who has always been his favorite, that statement literally brought tears to my eyes.

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Now yes I know that it’s because she is his teacher and not his parent.  I am sure she acts differently with her own 2 boys than she acts with mine.  And I have tried to explain to him that when I get upset and yell at him it’s usually because I have asked him 3 times (my 3 time rule) to do or to stop doing something.  And when I asked him how many times it takes his teacher to ask him…what’s his reply?….ONCE.  He then looks at me with that “hmmmm” look on his face and we carry on.

This morning as I was dropping him off he hugged me and said “I like my teacher mom but I love you”.  I held back the tears until he was out of the car.  He’s growing up and it’s moments like those spoken words this morning, that make me just want to stop time for a little bit.  To hang on to those moments just a little bit longer.

For I know someday…there will be someone…if they are lucky enough to catch his heart…who he will love just a little bit more than his mommy.

**sobs in her shirt**

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Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

The “M” Word Has Lost It’s Lusture

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There isn’t 5 minutes in my house that pass without me hearing the “M” word.  It comes in all forms.  Mom, mommy, mama, mom, ma…yes my middle little calls me ma.

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It’s funny that as parents we spend so much time, after our babies are born, wanting them to say their first words.  Then we spend the next several years trying to get them to shut the fuck up be quiet.   Of course when mine are all being quiet I know that shenanigans are well in the making.

As they become teenagers we try once again to get them talking.  By this age they want nothing to do with us.  Parents are antiquated and “uncool”.  And no matter how “young” we think we are…they think we should already be considering ourselves senior citizens and taking stock in depends and tennis balls.

I have started answering my children’s overuse of the word mom with statements like “at your service”, “that’s my name…you’ve wore it out”, and “WTF do you want now!”  They don’t even skip a beat…they just keep on rambling whatever form of information they were prepared to give me.  These days it usually consists of tattling.

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Am I a bad mother because there are times I literally cringe when I hear the word “mommy”?

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The Blog Tour Award

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I thoroughly enjoy receiving these awards.  They can sometimes be time consuming but it is so nice to be thought of by my fellow bloggers.  I want to especially thank But I Smile Anyway for this recognition.  She is a “newbie” blogger but has become quite a “catch”!

There are a few rules here :
1. Pass the tour on up to four other bloggers.
2. Give them the rules and a specific Monday to post.
3. Answer four questions about your creative process which lets other bloggers and visitors know what inspires you to do what you do.

Q1. What I’m working on at the moment?
Q2. How does my work differ from others in my Genre?
Q3. Why do I write or create what I do?
Q4. How does my writing/creative process work?

4. Compose a one time post on a specific Monday( date given by your nominator).

What I’m working on at the moment?

A 30 day writing challenge and about a half dozen unfinished drafts.  I always have several drafts that I start but then a writing boulder gets in my way and since I don’t have a piece of heavy equipment around to shift it, I move onto my next thought.  Guess when it comes to writing you could say I have ADD.  I am that way with cleaning the house too.

How does my work differ from others in my Genre?

I have never really considered myself as being part of a Genre.  I write about pretty much whatever comes to my crazy and chaotic mind.  Granted that usually has a lot to do with being the queen mom to 5 kids and a trophy wife to my onerous brilliant husband.  If I am feeling passionate about something one day…such as this then I write it about it.  I also like taking a lot of pictures.  So some days I like showcasing some of my work like this or this.

Why do I write or create what I do?

The funny thing about blogging for me is that the idea had never crossed my mind.  I enjoyed “creative writing” in high school and always received high marks for my written pieces of a teenage mind, but as an adult just never continued.  Then sometime last year I was cracking jokes and talking about myself in the third person on an internet game chat room and someone mentioned that I should blog.  **places light bulb above her head**  Once the idea was placed in my head…I ran with it.   I enjoy writing about the musings of my life and if someone actually enjoys what I have to say then that is just a bonus!  As a stay at home mom we often times get lost in taking on the role of “domesticated queen” and no one but the immediate household occupants to listen to our rants.  And quite frankly I don’t think anyone in my house truly listens to me therefore upon finding the blogging world I feel like I am apart of something.  I have become fascinated with all that exists in a place I had never thought of venturing.

How does my writing/creative process work?

Is there a process?  Pretty much I spend about 20% of my blogging time actually blogging and the other 80% trying to read and comment on others blogs and social media.  I believe in supporting my fellow bloggers in the blogging world which is why I also have a weekly top 5 of blogs I enjoyed most during the week.

My nominees are as follows:

Coffee Break Blogger

Blogging For Therapy

Mommy Drinks Wine And Swears

Yellow Fever

I was supposed to have posted this yesterday but it was quite the busy day for me and not much time for blogging.  If the 4 blogs I have mentioned would like to participate my post date for you will be Monday April 13.  Please don’t feel like you must participate as I know how time consuming these awards can sometimes be.

Thankyou,

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10 Reasons That You Might Have Taken SAHM To A Whole New Level

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You quit your job thinking that no one could raise your kids better then yourself.  At first it’s an exciting new adventure thinking you get to sleep without setting an alarm and spend every waking moment with your new little one/ones.  You plan out how your days will be spent and what activities you will be doing…you got this right?  Wrong.

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1.  The Up-D0.  You roll out of bed and find the closest piece of hair gear that will keep all your ball of tangled mess in one place.  All while taking the least amount of effort as possible.  I don’t care who you are…no one wakes up looking like a movie star.

2.  You think about getting dressed.  But then realize you aren’t going anywhere today so decide fuck it who cares what I look like.  You also justify this to yourself by thinking about how it will cut down on the quantity of laundry you have to do.  This applies to the children as well.

3.  A shower becomes last on your list of things to do.  This also applies to shaving any part of your body.  Your husband awakens in the middle of the night because he just had a dream of Chewbacca from

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wanting to cuddle” only to realize it’s you in your coat of human fur caressing up against him.  You sniff your armpits and down the front of your shirt to confirm that there will be no midnight quickie tonight. The next day you realize you need to tend to the Boob sweat, which  is just simply cleaned away with a wipey and some fresh deodorant keeps the BO at bay.

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4.  The make-up in your caddy becomes expired.  Gone are the days of having oodles of time to get your face paint looking just right.  Now it’s rub off the mascara that’s under your eyes after going to bed without washing it off and it then becomes new eyeliner…then apply fresh mascara.  Easy Peasy right?  Don’t forget to rub some vaseline on your lips while tending to the baby’s diaper rash apply lipgloss.  Here’s a great video by Jesse James Decker on how to get the “dewey” look…but who has time to apply that many layers of face goo?  Even amongst the non-SAHMs?

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5.   “Slipping into something more comfortable” now means sweats or yoga pants…not lingerie.  When coming home from a great date night with your husband you look at the time and count how many hours of sleep you are now losing before the kids are going to be in your face screaming “MOMMY WAKE UP…I NEED YOU”  You throw on your ugliest pair of sweats or yoga pants in hopes that he will just not find you charming enough to have sex with…just this once.  The “no shower since yesterday and now it’s bedtime” works pretty well too.

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6.  Caffeine and wine become a necessity instead of an enjoyed frill.  You buy wine by the box and drink it in a cup rather then an ornamental wine glass.  Kids break that shit.  And on really bad days you sip it through a straw.  The kids begin to recognize your “mommy” cup and know to stay clear from putting their little lips on it to take a sip of your “mommy juice“.  You used to drink those frilly coffee drinks from “you know where” but now they have been replaced with just straight up shots of expresso.  If you could bag it intravenously to your arm and roll with it on a stand like an IV at the hospital…YOU WOULD.

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7.  When you do dress up…people don’t recognize you.  You run around town in your sweats and yoga pants.  You have replaced the house slippers with tennis shoes as to possibly fool people into thinking that you might have just come from the gym in this attire you possess.  You drop your kids off at school and because you are not a morning person anymore you do this just after rolling out of bed..sometimes forgetting to remove the house slippers before piling the kids into the car.  Upon seeing anyone out when “dressed up” (usually only for date nights)  their reply is “You look so pretty.”  This translates to “You look like shit the rest of the time.”  You justify this to yourself by your being a SAHM and looking the part. Or you can just bitch slap them.bitch slap SAHM

8.  Girls nights out are replaced with playdates.  Having children when your friends are not, changes the entire dynamic of a friendship.  You used to stay out until the sun was coming up and then stopping for breakfast before heading home.  Now you are like Cinda-fucking-rella and worried about getting home by midnight so you can still get enough sleep to handle the little balls of energy that your husband’s sperm bank created who will want your attention regardless of the headache that ails you.  “Mommy doesn’t feel good” has no translation to them.  No meaning WHAT-SO-EVER.  Consequently you resort to playdates and trying to find another mom that you may have something to cling to in common with.

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9.  You have replaced your spa days with hours by yourself at the grocery store.  As much as you hate grocery shopping, if it’s a chance to go somewhere by yourself, you consume every bit of that duration that you can…taking the time to go through each isle…even the isles that you know don’t contain anything that you need to buy.  In the car you blare your favorite 80’s music taking you back to before kids if only for a short car ride home.

10.  You know every song to every disney show/movie.  The kids have all gone to bed and 2 hours later you look up to realize that “Doc McStuffins” is still chanting “Time For A Check-up” through the speakers of  your television.   Social media has become your only means to the outside world.  You are so engrossed in what’s going on in everyone else’s life that you could care less that it’s now time for “The Hot Dog Dance” for the second time since you put your kids to bed.

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Laughing until my eyes pop out!

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I am linking with the following:

A Cornish Mum
And then the fun began...
Friday Frolics

I Hate Days Like This

Every so often I have one of “these” days.  I swear I blame it on the W_I_N_D!  It starts from the time the little monsters rise and continues until bedtime!

First monster M woke up sometime around 5am with a tummy ache.  Any time my kids say they have a tummy ache I tell them to go sit on the toilet and try to poop.  9 times out of 10 the fact they have not pooped in the last 24 hours is reason behind the tummy ache.  So she wanders into my bathroom and I “think” I dosed back off to sleep…I am not sure because I swear it seemed like seconds later and she was yelling “Mommy! I’m done!”…pause…”Mommy! Do you hear me?!?!”  With one eye open I stumble to the bathroom to wipe said child’s ass.  Any other time of day she would have successfully wiped her own ass but because it’s 5am she wants me to do it. We wash hands and crawl back into bed… What seems like moments later, the morning alarm goes off.  Let the day of  crankies begin.

It starts with not being able to decide what we want for breakfast and then crying on the floor of the kitchen.  My Keurig wasn’t brewing that coffee fast enough I tell you.  I actually contemplated removing it half full and then finishing it off with vodka and Bailey’s.  I refrained.  She finally decided she didn’t want anything to eat and that she just wanted to lay on the couch with her blanket because she didn’t feel good.  Luckily my teenagers are home on spring break…did I just refer to that as lucky?…well I guess for today it was because I was able to just hop in the truck with monster B Man in tow and off to the preschool we went.

All was fine…until I got back home.  Another meltdown by monster M because she was upset that she didn’t go to school!  Trying to explain to a 3 year old why they should stay home when not feeling well is like trying to saw wood with a fingernail file.  By the time I got her convinced that it wasn’t the end of the world …it was time to pick monster B Man up again.

Nothing has gone right since waking up.  It’s been one meltdown after another.  I had to make a phone call to switch service with a company and they had me on the line for over half an hour.  Toddler nation just simply does not let mommy talk on the phone for even 1 minute let alone 30!

One Of These Days

Frustrated Momster,

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Mommy To The Rescue

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Today was “dress as your favorite Dr. Suess character” day at school.  Luckily my little M still had her costume from Halloween and it still fit.  As for my little B…mommy had to get crafty.  Nothing like coming up with ideas at 6:30 in the morning…without a cup of coffee even in my system yet.

I had actually thought of the idea of “Thing 2” yesterday and went to our local Wal-mart late last night to see what I could gather up.  Needless to say they had nothing on my list of ideas.  N*O*T*H*I*N*G.  No surprise there really.

I found the blue beanie buried beneath the last of the winter stuff and bought some blue ribbon to pin to the top of the hat to make it look more like wild blue hair.  He’s wearing a pajama top, and that is literally sketch board paper that I used a “Sharpie” to write “THING 2” upon and pin it to the shirt.  What a way for me to improvise! **pats herself on the back**

I am always so last minute with everything and I keep thinking that one day it will change.  But the fact is I have been this way since I can remember.  I just cough it up to I work best under pressure.  He was excited about the costume and the smile on his face put a smile on mine.

And to add one more thing that doesn’t really relate to my topic but I just feel the need to share is…sometimes as a parent I am constantly thinking that I am messing motherhood up, but this morning (every morning actually but for some reason this morning it really hit me) as we were walking to the front door of the preschool….my little B man ran to get to the door first and upon opening it said “all my ladies first”.  I realized I must be doing something right to have such a sweet boy.

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A Letter To My Little M

A Letter To My Little M.