Other People’s Kids

other peoples kids discipline

Before I became a mother, people used to always say “you’ll feel differently about your own kids than you do about other people’s kids”.  There couldn’t be a more truthful statement.

There was a time in my life that I never really wanted kids.  Partly because I couldn’t tolerate other people’s kids.  Sure I had plenty of friends with kids and there were times I would babysit and at one time I even had a friend and her child living with me.  I was around those kids a lot, got used to them, and grew to love them and understand their behaviors.  They were good kids.

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Then I would come across kids that weren’t so good.  Whether it was they whined too much, threw too many tantrums, talked back to their parents, or just seemed to not have any discipline WHAT. SO. EVER.  I used to dread when I would get a walk-in client and they had their kids with them (they were usually already throwing a tantrum before they even took a seat)  because inevitably this meant that it was going to take me twice as long to do my job.  Let’s face it, kids aren’t going to sit and be quiet for an hour while you get your nails done.

Now I know that my kids aren’t perfect, and probably get on most people’s nerves, as there are three of them and because they are so close in age they are usually all doing the same thing and making lots of noise while doing it.

And if someone were to tell me that my kids were a lot to handle, I would in no way be offended…I would most likely nod and agree.  But  I am used to them.  And usually have a tendency to get loud and obnoxious with them.  Because they are my kids.

I think that these days we live in a society that has us programmed that disciplining our kids is somehow going to f*ck them up in the head.  Bullshit.

There are people who think that spanking your kids on the ass is a form of abuse.  Bullshit.

There are too many people running around trying to be the “cool” parents instead of saying “NO” and dealing with their kids being pissed off at them.kids discipline productive citezens  Trust me, they will get over it and talking with your kids and explaining things goes a long way.

I think it’s important that when you feel your kids are old enough and mature enough to understand the evil in the world, to explain it to them.  I think my friend Michelle at Rockin Random Mom did that best and explained it in her post about the Brock Turner Story.

This story is a perfect example of a spoiled brat whose father I am quite certain reached deep into his pockets and placed a large amount of money in that greedy judge’s hands.  In case you have been living under a rock you can read about the story here.

It’s just one of the many articles stirring the internet these days.

I have heard people talk about how they teach their kids respect yet I watch them disrespect their parents and the parents sadly don’t correct the behavior. kids respect discipline parenting Teaching them please, thank you, yes sir, no ma’am is all great but if they are then acting out at you, the parent, and you aren’t correcting it, then it’s pretty much pointless.

If they are throwing a temper tantrum because you told them NO and you coddle them instead of taking action…guess what?  Your kid just might turn out to be the next Brock Turner.

Sometimes kids need to learn lessons and not have their parents always bailing them out of these situations.  When a child, whether that child be a toddler, young child, pre-tween, tween, or teenager and they do something wrong it’s our job as parents to correct the problem not ignore it and let them continue to believe it’s ok to behave that way.

And when they are good I also believe in rewarding good behavior.  It goes both ways.

Now please note that all these opinions of raising kids are those of my own and how you choose to raise your kids is completely up to you.  But remember, someday they are going to be adults, making choices, and the better influence you had on them the better adults they will become.

Well unless they are just born with a bad gene … because I do believe too, that some human’s brains are just wired differently and you could be the best parent possible and they could still be a part of the majority of messed up individuals living in society.  Take the Duggers of “19 Kids And Counting” as a perfect example of that.  Of course the first time I ever watched that show I knew that mother was just WAAAAAAY to happy.  No one has that many kids and is that happy.  Seriously.

To All The Good Parents Out There **salutes you**

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To The Gene Pool Of My Stepsons:

Let me just start this lovely blog rant off by saying how ridiculously FATUOUS  you are.  You can’t even make a Facebook post without at least 10-15 grammatical errors.  And your posts are always some depressing analogy of how you interpret your life.  Like somehow anyone is listening. I would like to know how someone can complain so much about their life when they are responsible for every choice they have made.  We all make bad choices but let’s face it…the majority of us try to learn from our mistakes and not keep repeating them over and over and over again.

You complain that I have never bothered to get to know you? Really? I am raising your blood line and I am somehow supposed to reach out to you?  Make the effort?  Excuse me while I laugh my ass off at that.  Based on the facts I have gathered in the last seven years, I don’t want to get to know you.  The two boys I have been raising in those same seven years are almost grown…one foot out the door to adulthood and now you think that I need to have a relationship with you?

Here’s an idea…maybe you should have been building a better relationship with your blood line.  Talking to them on the phone is not having a relationship with them.  And I am sorry to say but kids aren’t raised on emotional support alone.  It takes a lot of financial support to raise them as well.  But how would you know since you have never raised any from birth to adulthood.

Over the years I have seen you make promises to them that have been repeatedly broken.  So much so that now when you “promise” them something I see them just roll their eyes and carry on having no faith in your “promises” what-so-ever.  You like to refer to me as “being judgmental” I am a MOTHER…therefore I have the right to be judgmental about someone who gave birth to children and then left them to be raised by others.  And your excuses of “I was young and stupid and an addict” don’t fly with me.  We were all young and stupid once.  But the day I decided to become a mother was the day that “being stupid and selfish” was no longer a choice.  Maybe if you weren’t ready to get your life in order then you should have taken means to not get pregnant.

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My husband and I have been raising those boys without ever asking for a single penny from you and yet you want to make us out to be the bad people when we won’t “pitch in” to help finance their trip to see you?  Like somehow that’s our responsibility?  Here’s another idea…why don’t you get a job and pay for something yourself for them, for once!  Could you please explain to me why you don’t work?  You don’t have any kids at home.  You are a 30 something adult.  And yet you just sit at home and do nothing.  But then need financial help to buy a ticket for your blood line to come visit.  According to you “love is all you need”.  Well love doesn’t buy gas, plane, or bus tickets.  News flash there.

Now you think that you want to give me parenting advice?  That’s hilarious coming from someone who has never had to actually BE a parent.  Even for the extremely short and most crucial time that you were in their lives you were an addict and on drugs and never had to deal with any REAL emotion.  They were so young then and like sponges and maybe in your warped mind you think that they don’t remember but let me assure you that they do.  And it’s like somehow you don’t seem to realize that I have been around for the last 7 years and watched enough of your bullshit to form my own opinion of what type of mother aunt person you are.   And quite frankly I have never had such a despise for anyone the way I have for you two.  You want to send me messages talking about how to raise your blood line but then can’t take the lashing back of truth that I spit back.  You have no right what so ever to tell me how to raise a turnip let alone a child.  So please stop wasting my time with that.  Matter of fact just stop wasting my time at all.  Nothing you ever say to me will change how I feel and I have no desire to have any kind of relationship with either of you…EVER!

Not a single fuck given,

domesticated momster

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 12

Someone I Miss:

Must I narrow this to only one?  It’s my writing challenge therefore I am going to do what I want…oh wait…I do that all the time anyway.

I miss my maternal grandmother.  She has been gone for many years but there are so many pieces of me that I wish she could have seen.  I was still in my “selfish-all about me” stage of life when she past and I regret not telling her how much more appreciative of her I was.  She pretty much raised me and regardless of the generation gap between her raising her own children and then raising me I realize now that she always put me first.  I wish she could have met my children and seen how happy I am now.  When she was alive I was so contingent about who I was or wanted to be and usually I was just an asshole.

I miss my bestie.  I met my bestie at a playdate for our littles.  Problem is we didn’t realize how much we adored each other until a couple years later.  We are both kind of introverted in our ways and neither of us knows how to step over one’s boundaries.  But somehow we finally managed to do so…the year before I moved.  I miss our SAHM afternoon wine tastings and watching our kids all bond like they had been born in the same womb.  I miss going to the “wine and canvas” event with her(yeah we are a couple of winos…what of it?)…even though we had only attended two of them…I know that if I still lived there…we would still be attending them regularly.  I miss dinner “dates” that we would take our littles to.  Her daughter and my son are absolutely smitten with one another and there isn’t a day that goes by that my little B man doesn’t ask to go see his “girlfriend“.  He still doesn’t understand that we don’t just live down the street anymore.  I just miss spending time with her in general.

I miss my family.  I really don’t get to see any of them often enough due to the fact that we all live in different places.  I have the means to go visit them but 1 mom + 3 toddlers on a road trip = MOMMY IN A STRAIGHT JACKET by the end.  I did it one year with an infant and a toddler all while 7 months pregnant.  I survived but by the time we got home I thought I had done lost my mind somewhere between Salt Lake City UT and Las Vegas, NV, and someone had run over it.

I miss all my friends I had to leave behind due to moving.  I miss seeing their faces regularly and laughing until my cheeks and abs hurt.  I miss seeing their little people and being a part of their lives.  I really miss “girl-chatter“.

I realize that life just keeps changing.  We miss certain things and a lot of someone’s.  We experience new things and meet new someone’s.  And of course they can never replace the former ones but make new transitions worth the transitioning.

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Pass The Xanax My Teen Is Driving

Yesterday our oldest got his driver’s license!!! ((looks at bottle of bailey’s and then looks at her coffee))  It was his second attempt but he passed.  I should be happy for him and there is a part of me that is because even though it was so many moons ago, I still remember being 16 and so excited that I could finally DRIVE!!!  But now as a parent, being responsible for what my 16 year old does behind the wheel frightens me.  I had to sign a form stating that I will be held responsible for any of his actions while driving.  Like seriously?  I can’t be with him every second and regardless how much we try to teach our teens right from wrong they are still going to make their own decisions.  Decisions that could ultimately haunt their parents.  I totally understand why some parents make the choice not to let their kids get their license until they are 18.  Even though not much changes in a teens mentality between the ages of 16 and 18, at least at 18 they are considered an adult and responsible for their own actions.

'Dad put that sign there to keep tabs on my driving!'

Now Junior B (our 16 year old) has always been a very level headed individual.  Even at the little ol age of 10 when I first met him he was older beyond his years.  An old sole I guess one could say.  He’s not into being the most popular or the best well liked.  He has a handful of friends and he is fine with that.  He doesn’t strive for attention and I can honestly say that he has only made a handful of “truly” stupid choices since I have known him.  Does that mean that I am just going to hand over the keys anytime he needs to get somewhere?….NOPE.

'I've completed driver's ed, auto repair and sex ed. Now may I borrow the car?'

I am sure there will be times that I will use his being able to drive to my full advantage…like when we have run out of milk and I am just too tired to go to the store.  But for now, until we have “tested” the waters…his driving a vehicle without me or hubby in it…will be limited.

Parent Supervision on Teen Driving.

The Twinkle Diaries

A Letter To My Little M

A Letter To My Little M.

Be A Parent Not A friend

We as parents have all heard this term used many times yet I still read daily social media and find that parents aren’t listening to the true meaning behind this phrase.  I hear the cries of “My children don’t respect me” and “My kids are so ungrateful”…well why do you think that is?  You are the parent who is raising these kids to walk all over you therefore you have the power to change them!!!  You are a parent and not a friend means just that…stop worrying about whether or not your kids are going to hate you because at some point in their lives they are going to and that is when you know you have done your job right.  I am not saying that you need to be Hitler at raising your children but simply that if you feel like you need to put your foot down, then you probably do.

Let’s talk about chores for instance.  A child at the time they can walk can start out doing chores such as putting their toys away.  Gradually as they develop and grow you can give them more responsibility.  Don’t think that because you are the parent that you have to wait on them hand and foot.  Doing so only turns kids into loathing 25 year olds still living at home with mommy and daddy because anything less would be….well just that…less.  Work ethic to them is succeeding at the latest level of their current video game addiction or how many followers they have on the latest social media network.

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I often wonder about the parents who just simply “check out” of their kids “checking in” to the real world,  like it is some sort of inconvenience to raise what they have brought into this world.  Letting them do what they want, just because it seems easier is not an option.  Do I as a parent pick my battles? Of course I do but I always make sure my kids know that I still have the upper hand and that at any given moment I can change the life that they have become so accustomed to.

As a society of parents let’s do each other a favor…TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR CHILDREN!!!  It’s ok to tell them no and send them to their room or a time out to the nearest corner, whichever you prefer.  It’s ok to take their prized possessions, aka cell phones, tv, game systems, designer clothes, and social life and media away from them.  As a matter of fact I encourage this.  You can be their friend after they have moved out, paid their own way, and started a life of their own.  Tough love is not a term used for describing getting your heart broke.  It means loving your children but still knowing when it is time to take hold of the reigns, put your foot down, and not give into their never ending wants(NOTICE I SAID WANTS NOT NEEDS).  Being a parent means having to be “mean” sometimes and always being one step ahead of your children’s actions…it’s ok…life will go on and the less menaces to society we have running around…the better.

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Domesticated Momster