Why Do We Do This As A Stay At Home Parent?

 A recent meme I saw sparked the idea for this posthusbands SAHM stay at home parents humor

Now who out there does this as a stay home mom?  Or dad even?  Instead, just picture the picture with say Seth Rogen running and Jennifer Anniston holding the door.

The “working” parent is coming home and we suddenly hit this “need to set fire to the house immediately” psycho-bitch-mom from hell mode.

stay home parent set fire housework

We start yelling asking the kids to please pick up PICK UP YOUR F*CKING SHIT PLEASE and running around like lunatics.

Why do we do this as a stay home parent?

Why do we do this to ourselves…period?

There are days when I really feel more like, it could only be one thing that survived today and it wasn’t the house.  #sorrynotsorry

Actually to be honest…it’s probably most days.  It’s either I look good, the kids are alive, or the house is clean.  2 out of 3 isn’t bad right?

If you were someone to drop by my house on any given afternoon, without notice, there would be toys, pillows, blankets, laundry, dishes, wrappers…etc. (This post would be too long if I listed everything so we will just go with those few).  But I also presume that you are coming to visit me and not my house.  Although, I might ask that you sign a waver before entering the premises just in case you were to slip, trip, or fall on something sharp.

But if you were to get here 10 minutes after my husband got home…you would think I had a maid.  This also goes for people who let me know before they drop by because we all know that we do our best cleaning 20 minutes before someone is coming over, right?

Somehow, we stay at home parents have come to the notion that if our houses are a mess then we are somehow failing at the “job” portion of our stay at home parenting.  I feel that my job is the house and that parenting is just that…parenting.

But now let’s get into whose “job” out of both parents is a more labor involved occupation.

Housework is filled with labor.  No, it’s not hard work, doesn’t take using your brain much, but it’s a lot of moving around.  There’s  bending over, climbing, lifting, squatting, and … you follow.

Laundry alone is a full-time job on it’s own.  There’s the gathering up of small children’s clothes usually by means of squatting to the floor, or the climbing over the bedroom furniture,  because they haven’t quite mastered the laundry basket yet.  Even though you have rehearsed it with them at least a hundred times….just this week.

laundry SAHM stay at home parent

Then it’s lifting the large sized basket of clothes, to the laundry room, that you know damn good and well shouldn’t have this many clothes in it.  Nope, this laundry basket is full because they like to take stuff off the hangers and put it on for 2 seconds, that I don’t see them, and then throw it on the floor.   **grits her teeth**

Then it’s bending over to stuff all the clothes into the washing machine.  I even have front loaders, but I am a tall girl, so I still have to bend.

The transfer from washer to dryer….easiest part of the job.

The worst part is putting all the damn shit clothes away.  There are some days I feel like just shoving the clothes in the drawers, wrinkled, and calling it a day.  **reaches for wine glass and switches on Pandora**

And let’s not forget bedding and towels.  I kid you not…I will wash one of the little monsters bedding and inevitably that night one, if not all 3 will either throw up or pee the bed.  Or have a case of pink eye in which then the sheets have to be washed everyday for the first few days.  To make and unmake a bed you must bend, lift, squat, and climb.  And cuss…a lot…because the corners are NEVER right!

I just got back from vacation so of course I am chin deep in laundry.  So for today the rest of the house will just have to look like I have 3 small children and a teenager who live here.

Possibly the rest of the week.  Oh shit, there’s daddy now…yeah I’m still sitting here.

What do you do as a stay home parent?  Do you tidy up before the other parent gets home? Let me know in the comments!

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~History Of Housewives Part 2~

We left off in the 50’s era with my last post.   I am looking forward to the next chapter of history of housewives.  It’s getting closer to the era I grew up in.

1960’s ~ This is an era for women that the entire revolution of the “The American Woman” term is redefined. History Of Housewives #housewife  More woman are entering the workforce only to be sexually harassed and about a 60% pay income of that of their male companions.  Think I would have just rather stayed home and been a housewife quite honestly.

This is also the decade that birth control comes into play.  I would have to guess because most 60’s housewives were working part-time but still expected to take care of the kids and home.  Most husbands of this era were having affairs carried out on their said “business trips’ a stereotype that still lingers on today.

The housewife of the 1960’s worked hard and yet this was the decade that good old Uncle Sam said “house work” wasn’t considered a profession to claim head of household.  Here we are in 2015 and there still isn’t a little box that says “Keeping The Fucking  Fabulous House In Check”  And in the 60’s they were still expected to do housework while in a dress and heels and their hair done.

1970’s ~ The era of woman activists.  From everything to the Equal Rights Amendment being approved into the constitution to abortion rights.  Women began to construct their own feminist organizations and groups.  These included businesses such as art galleries, bookstores and daycare.  They began to speak out about the rights of their bodies and how no one else should have a say as to what they do with it.  Ford came into play as the president and so did the first lady in a 1976 August addition of Good Housekeeping stating:

“We have to take the ‘just’ out of ‘just a housewife’ and show our pride in having made the home and family our life’s work,” she said. “A woman who is satisfied with her life at home is just as liberated as a woman with a career outside the home.”

She wanted to change the word housewife to homemaker for staying home and taking care of the family was something to take pride in.  And that society should respect that choice.

History Of HousewivesThere were also shows like “The Brady Bunch” and “8 Is Enough” coming into circuit displaying blended families and no longer was it all about the “nuclear” family anymore.  “The Brady Bunch” even having a maid and the mother working outside of the home…sometimes even returning later than the husband.

1980’s ~ Now this is my decade.  Not as a housewife of course but the era of my precious youth and discovering my inner wild child.

The average home cost a little over $68,000 and by the end of the era almost doubled.  The average household income was $20,000 and by end of the era $27,000.  A gallon of gas was right around $1.00 and you could buy a brand new really nice car for $10,000.  And some of those cars are still on the road today because things were built to last.  Not like all this cheap, full of electronic garbo, that they manufacture today.

Housewives of the 1980’s were considered the retro housewives.  Gone were the days of always wearing a dress and heels when cleaning the house to now bringing into play the “designer jean” costing around $80 a pair and this was the 80’s.  When minimum wage was $2.85 an hour when I started in the working field.  Needless to say I didn’t have a lot of expensive designer jeans once I had to start buying my own.

In the 80’s 3 out of 5 families had both parents working just to keep up a standard of living.  This was also an era that women began to want to work rather than get married.  Being in the work force was now plenty acceptable and pretty much expected.  They began to realize that they could work and provide for themselves and their children and didn’t have to stay in unhappy marriages.

Studies showing that those who remained married, worked outside the home, and still managed to take care of “inside the home” were actually putting forth more labor than that of their husbands.  I wonder if this is where the average number of “blow-jobs sexual commitments” declines.  Because who wants to work full-time, come home and do housework, cook, and take care of the kids and then find the energy to please our husband? History Of Housewives housewife homemaker 1980s

1990’s ~ Most will say this was the best decade ever.  America was prospering under the Clinton administration.  The economy was rising at a rate of 4% a year.  The job market was great at over 1.5 million available.

As for the housewives of the 1990s the word “feminism” started to come into play and it wasn’t pretty.  Newspapers and magazines blamed everything from the rising rates of divorce to even rape all on that of  feminism.  The average housewife being fed up with having to constantly take care of the family.  No longer was it picture perfect housewife holding a pie or cleaning gadget but rather the new face of “Roseanne Barr“. History Of Housewives homemakers 1990s Tired from working all day and now expected to take care of the family.  All while muttering words of frustration and sarcasm.

History Of Housewives housewife homemaker 1990sOn the opposite spectrum was “Peg Bundy” also known as “the lazy housewife”.  Doesn’t work, doesn’t cook or clean, and is horrible at taking care of the children.  Her main focus being that of herself while she spends her husband’s hard earned money and expecting him to be ok with that.  Smoking cigarettes in the house and trying not to set her Aqua Net hair-do on fire.  Or the entire house with a cake she left in the oven.

2000 to current ~  It’s all about choices now.  In most marriages a choice is made whether the mother or in some cases father will stay home with the children.  Some of this is due to the rising costs of childcare and that the majority of one income would go towards said childcare.  These days it is ok to be either a woman at home or a woman in the corporate world.  But there are still so many stereotypes against the stay at home mother/ housewife/ homemaker.  I have news for all the ones who have never been a stay at home parent…it’s not easy.  It’s the hardest job I have ever had and I have worked a lot of jobs.

There’s also those “real housewives” portrayed on television that are anything short of the truth about being a housewife.  Those housewives make Peg Bundy and Roseanne Barr look like mothers’ of the year!

So what era would you have liked to have been a housewife in?

Let me know in the comments!

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The Stereotypes Of SAHMs

I have been a stay at home mom now for over 5 years and I have learned quite a lot about what that means to the common person.  In common I mean as those who have never been a stay at home mom.  As much as I hate to admit it, I used to be one of the “common” folk and if you would have asked me back then what was the first thing that came to my mind when thinking about a stay at home mom, the shit from my mouth might have been as follows…

They get to sleep in.  Let’s face it all babies and toddlers sleep well past the peak of dawn hours.  They never need a thing and can relatively take care of themselves from the time they are born.  Therefore leaving mom to wake when she feels rested and ready to bring on the day.  No coffee needed for she got a full 12 hours of sleep.

They wear pajamas all day.  With nothing to do and nowhere to go it’s only predictable that they must only wear pajamas.  All the kids live in their pajamas too.  It’s like one big pajama party!

They get to watch TV all day, everyday.  All the kids are so well behaved and never take part in any form of shenanigans.  Therefore, freeing up time for mom to pop her feet up and catch up on all her DVRed shows from the night before.  She doesn’t have time to watch TV at night cause she is too busy sleeeeeping.

They play on the internet…when they aren’t busy watching TV.  Without any interruption from the little people this allows mom to chat with friends on Facebook and work on her blog.  The information highway is at her fingertips and she intends to use every undisturbed thought from start to finish.

Stereotypes Of SAHM

How being a stay at home mom really plays out…

WTF is sleeping in?  If I am lucky my kids might sleep until 7am.  But that doesn’t mean that they have slept all night.  Sometimes they wake in the night for whatever reason whether it be a monster in the closet or their tummy hurts.  Often times all 3 of mine will wake at different intervals during the night and I have to tend to whatever is ailing them.  Last night one of them had to go poop in the middle of the night.  She decided to wake her sister so that they could both come in and wake me to inform me of the exciting event.  This was sometime about 2am.  I was woke again at 6am because same child had diarrhea.  Nothing like waking up to that.  It’s a glorious life.

Pajamas all day?  Now I will admit to doing this on occasion.  I justify it by cutting down on the laundry.  Do you know how many clothes 3 toddlers can go through?  But if it’s a school day or we have places to go then of course them and myself get dressed.  Mind you dressed for me sometimes is sweat or yoga pants which yes I have been known to sleep in but I at least put on a clean pair to leave the house in.

TV?  In the “spare” time that I do have I am usually doing something pertaining to blogging.  I have so many shows DVRed that I have had to weed through and delete stuff because it’s almost reached 100% storage capacity.  At night after I put the kids to bed I literally have to tape my eyes open to stay awake just so that I can get a couple hours to myself.  This is usually when I take a bath or shower, and try to catch up on some reading.  TV is always last on my list.  And then when I do crawl into bed I can’t fall asleep…I am exhausted but my mind is making lists of everything I need to do the next day.  And just as I close my eyes and drift off to dreamland there’s someone slapping me in the face saying, “Mommy! I….”

Internet?  Yes I am on the internet throughout the day.  Usually in the mornings when, soon, all 3 of my little monsters will be in school!  MONDAY! But who’s counting the days?…….ME, I AM!  Right now every train of thought is interrupted at least a dozen times by the asking of if it’s snack time yet!?!?  And then as soon as I pick them up from school the chaos of my day begins.  Lunch, cleaning at least a dozen messes, laundry, housework (the house isn’t self cleaning), breaking up battles, grocery shopping, making dinner, cleaning more messes, sports activities, baths, getting them ready for bed and the struggles that coincide with that.  It’s a busy life…and although I might not CONSTANTLY be moving I am however immersed in taking care of this household.  I made a choice to be a stay at home mom.  And I have never regretted that choice…well maybe that one time when one of my littles decided to decorate everything with his poop…

Proud To Be A SAHM,


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10 Reasons That You Might Have Taken SAHM To A Whole New Level


You quit your job thinking that no one could raise your kids better then yourself.  At first it’s an exciting new adventure thinking you get to sleep without setting an alarm and spend every waking moment with your new little one/ones.  You plan out how your days will be spent and what activities you will be doing…you got this right?  Wrong.


1.  The Up-D0.  You roll out of bed and find the closest piece of hair gear that will keep all your ball of tangled mess in one place.  All while taking the least amount of effort as possible.  I don’t care who you are…no one wakes up looking like a movie star.

2.  You think about getting dressed.  But then realize you aren’t going anywhere today so decide fuck it who cares what I look like.  You also justify this to yourself by thinking about how it will cut down on the quantity of laundry you have to do.  This applies to the children as well.

3.  A shower becomes last on your list of things to do.  This also applies to shaving any part of your body.  Your husband awakens in the middle of the night because he just had a dream of Chewbacca from

chewbacca star wars stay at home mom shaving

wanting to cuddle” only to realize it’s you in your coat of human fur caressing up against him.  You sniff your armpits and down the front of your shirt to confirm that there will be no midnight quickie tonight. The next day you realize you need to tend to the Boob sweat, which  is just simply cleaned away with a wipey and some fresh deodorant keeps the BO at bay.


4.  The make-up in your caddy becomes expired.  Gone are the days of having oodles of time to get your face paint looking just right.  Now it’s rub off the mascara that’s under your eyes after going to bed without washing it off and it then becomes new eyeliner…then apply fresh mascara.  Easy Peasy right?  Don’t forget to rub some vaseline on your lips while tending to the baby’s diaper rash apply lipgloss.  Here’s a great video by Jesse James Decker on how to get the “dewey” look…but who has time to apply that many layers of face goo?  Even amongst the non-SAHMs?

stay home mom SAHM make-up

5.   “Slipping into something more comfortable” now means sweats or yoga pants…not lingerie.  When coming home from a great date night with your husband you look at the time and count how many hours of sleep you are now losing before the kids are going to be in your face screaming “MOMMY WAKE UP…I NEED YOU”  You throw on your ugliest pair of sweats or yoga pants in hopes that he will just not find you charming enough to have sex with…just this once.  The “no shower since yesterday and now it’s bedtime” works pretty well too.


6.  Caffeine and wine become a necessity instead of an enjoyed frill.  You buy wine by the box and drink it in a cup rather then an ornamental wine glass.  Kids break that shit.  And on really bad days you sip it through a straw.  The kids begin to recognize your “mommy” cup and know to stay clear from putting their little lips on it to take a sip of your “mommy juice“.  You used to drink those frilly coffee drinks from “you know where” but now they have been replaced with just straight up shots of expresso.  If you could bag it intravenously to your arm and roll with it on a stand like an IV at the hospital…YOU WOULD.


7.  When you do dress up…people don’t recognize you.  You run around town in your sweats and yoga pants.  You have replaced the house slippers with tennis shoes as to possibly fool people into thinking that you might have just come from the gym in this attire you possess.  You drop your kids off at school and because you are not a morning person anymore you do this just after rolling out of bed..sometimes forgetting to remove the house slippers before piling the kids into the car.  Upon seeing anyone out when “dressed up” (usually only for date nights)  their reply is “You look so pretty.”  This translates to “You look like shit the rest of the time.”  You justify this to yourself by your being a SAHM and looking the part. Or you can just bitch slap them.bitch slap SAHM

8.  Girls nights out are replaced with playdates.  Having children when your friends are not, changes the entire dynamic of a friendship.  You used to stay out until the sun was coming up and then stopping for breakfast before heading home.  Now you are like Cinda-fucking-rella and worried about getting home by midnight so you can still get enough sleep to handle the little balls of energy that your husband’s sperm bank created who will want your attention regardless of the headache that ails you.  “Mommy doesn’t feel good” has no translation to them.  No meaning WHAT-SO-EVER.  Consequently you resort to playdates and trying to find another mom that you may have something to cling to in common with.


9.  You have replaced your spa days with hours by yourself at the grocery store.  As much as you hate grocery shopping, if it’s a chance to go somewhere by yourself, you consume every bit of that duration that you can…taking the time to go through each isle…even the isles that you know don’t contain anything that you need to buy.  In the car you blare your favorite 80’s music taking you back to before kids if only for a short car ride home.

10.  You know every song to every disney show/movie.  The kids have all gone to bed and 2 hours later you look up to realize that “Doc McStuffins” is still chanting “Time For A Check-up” through the speakers of  your television.   Social media has become your only means to the outside world.  You are so engrossed in what’s going on in everyone else’s life that you could care less that it’s now time for “The Hot Dog Dance” for the second time since you put your kids to bed.


Laughing until my eyes pop out!

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Friday Frolics

I Hate Days Like This

Every so often I have one of “these” days.  I swear I blame it on the W_I_N_D!  It starts from the time the little monsters rise and continues until bedtime!

First monster M woke up sometime around 5am with a tummy ache.  Any time my kids say they have a tummy ache I tell them to go sit on the toilet and try to poop.  9 times out of 10 the fact they have not pooped in the last 24 hours is reason behind the tummy ache.  So she wanders into my bathroom and I “think” I dosed back off to sleep…I am not sure because I swear it seemed like seconds later and she was yelling “Mommy! I’m done!”…pause…”Mommy! Do you hear me?!?!”  With one eye open I stumble to the bathroom to wipe said child’s ass.  Any other time of day she would have successfully wiped her own ass but because it’s 5am she wants me to do it. We wash hands and crawl back into bed… What seems like moments later, the morning alarm goes off.  Let the day of  crankies begin.

It starts with not being able to decide what we want for breakfast and then crying on the floor of the kitchen.  My Keurig wasn’t brewing that coffee fast enough I tell you.  I actually contemplated removing it half full and then finishing it off with vodka and Bailey’s.  I refrained.  She finally decided she didn’t want anything to eat and that she just wanted to lay on the couch with her blanket because she didn’t feel good.  Luckily my teenagers are home on spring break…did I just refer to that as lucky?…well I guess for today it was because I was able to just hop in the truck with monster B Man in tow and off to the preschool we went.

All was fine…until I got back home.  Another meltdown by monster M because she was upset that she didn’t go to school!  Trying to explain to a 3 year old why they should stay home when not feeling well is like trying to saw wood with a fingernail file.  By the time I got her convinced that it wasn’t the end of the world …it was time to pick monster B Man up again.

Nothing has gone right since waking up.  It’s been one meltdown after another.  I had to make a phone call to switch service with a company and they had me on the line for over half an hour.  Toddler nation just simply does not let mommy talk on the phone for even 1 minute let alone 30!

One Of These Days

Frustrated Momster,

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Daily Post: Third From The Top

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Third From the Top.”

Head to “Blogs I Follow” in the Reader. Scroll down to the third post in the list. Take the third sentence in the post, and work it into your own.

Ironically when I followed the instructions…the blog I landed on “SOMETIMES“…was also blogging about this challenge.  The third sentence…”I hope he won’t mind”

I wonder if he will notice the few pounds I have shed and how hard I have been working to regain part of my “pre-baby” body.  Does he see that I have been shedding my daily “SAHM” attire, which usually consists of a pair of sweats, with a half dozen holes in them and a shirt that still has spit up stains from nursing my babies so many moons ago?  Instead, I have replaced them with the new pairs of jeans that he insisted I buy for myself and the new tops that I purchased on clearance because the price of the jeans almost gave me a stroke.

Has he noticed that I have been trying harder at keeping the house a bit more tidy and not letting the kids just string everything they own from one end of the house to the other?  I too like a clean house…it calms my OCD restless mind.

Is my cooking improving?  Are all those hours spent watching the Food Network and skimming through Pinterest paying off?  I bet he would notice if I made something with Mayonnaise.  He hates that stuff.  I keep threatening that I am going to rest his ashes in a bulk sized container of it.

Wonder if he notices that my hair is in an imperative state and a patch of new gray hair has appeared, I swear, overnight on the China Express. Or how about the toe nail polish on my feet that is so grown out it looks like a french manicure.  And don’t let me even get started on my fingernails that do nothing but peel and chip since moving to the northern hemisphere of Nevada.  All of this is so ironic since I spent 20+ years working in the beauty industry.

Will he notice another laugh line appearing due to the fact that I have been laughing a lot more lately?  Or maybe because I am going to be another year older in a couple days.  We all know that on our birthday we wake up with some sort of random justification that “old age” is setting in. **wink wink**

Has he noticed that I stopped playing “Farmville2”?  Well not completely stopped but surely quit the slight obsession I had with it.

Occasionally all of these thoughts run through my head about my husband.  I am a real person with real emotions and concerns about how I am perceived in the eyes of my other half.  It’s what makes me a wife.  His wife.  It’s not a question of love, that I know…just a confirmation that I am doing right by him and that in a conversation amongst his friends he would be proud to call me “his wife“.


30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 4

25 Things To Do Before My Next Birthday…

This one is quite amusing since my birthday is Friday.  So I am going to make a list of things that I want to get done before Friday and see how much of the list I complete.

1.  Keep the kids alive.  This is very important.  Hence why it is at the top.

2.  Workout Everyday…even if it’s just a quick walk around the hood.

3.  Get every piece of laundry done…before Friday…now that’s a challenge!

4.  Get to bed before midnight some time this week.

5.  Make sure all my “cleaning chores” are done by Friday…no one likes to clean on their birthday.

6.  Lose a pound.  It’s the tiny goals that keep me motivated.

7.  Grocery shopping…we are almost in “Mother Hubbard” status.  (seriously…click on that…have you ever read it? Creepy!)

8.  Clean out one closet in the house.  It’s amazing what accumulates in a year.

9.  Catch up on some shows on my DVR list.

10.  Bubble bath and wine one night…maybe two.   (my birthday night doesn’t count)

11.  Order Little Z’s birthday present.  Her birthday is the same day as mine.

12.  Have sex.  With a random stranger…hahaha just kidding…with my husband of course.

13.  Take the littles to the park…weather permitting of course…today is cold and rainy.

14.  Tie my shoes…**I am running out of ideas here people**

15.  Try not to yell so much…that will take more of numbers 10 and 12.  I truly hate yelling but sometimes it’s the only way they L-I-S-T-E-N!

16.  Don’t strangle the teenagers.  Need I say more?

17.  Wake up.  Hey this one is important….I don’t think the household would operate very well without my presence.

18.  Consume lots of caffeine.  This will be needed to complete 1-17.

19.  Be Thankful.  Figured I had better throw that in there…this is starting to sound like a struggle.

20.  Take my Zoloft.  Believe it or not…I forget to do this.

21.  Go to the spa.  Hahahaha!

22. Dye my hair.  Don’t need all these gray hairs reminding me how old I am going to be on Friday.

23.  Go to the dentist to check on the 4 gaping holes in the back of my mouth.  It’s on the “to do list” board but I will probably still forget.

24.  Blog!

25.  Breathe.  Can’t do anything on this list without that right? **grasping at straws**

Whew this was a challenge!