National Snowman Burning Day

Yep, you read that right folks…today is National Snowman Burning Day and I for one am SICK of winter.  Granted, in the following video, the woman doesn’t set the Snowman on fire but she clearly gets her point across.  I have watched this video at least a dozen times and laugh my ass off each and every time.

Because I for one can TOTALLY relate.

It seems like we have had snowfall upon snowfall since November.  And as much as I love the fact that so many water holes that had been empty are now full,  I am ready to put my swimsuit on and get in them, fish in them, boat on them, and camp by them,  rather than just look at them on the news or from the highway.

I am ready to soak up some vitamin D in which my body has been lacking the entire winter and I do believe has turned me into a psychopath an albino like zombie.  **sprays the self tanner on her skin**

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Now there have been a few days of this month that the weather has played with our heads.  It’s even gotten up to 70*F, even if it was for only one day.  But then the very next day it will be 32*F and snowing outside.

I don’t know whether to get the summer clothes out or just keep buying new winter clothes because my kids are all growing out of the stuff they have had since school started.  **thinks of just setting fire to anything that has to do with winter in hopes that it will bring some spring juju**

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And then there is that dreadful W word…no not winter…the other one.  W-I-N-D.  You wake up to see that the sun is peaking through the blinds and you jump out of bed to look outside only to find that your patio furniture is now upside down in a pile against the fence because the wind is blowing 60mph.

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And who wants to go out in that?

You can’t even fly a kite because the force of the wind will whip it right out of your hands.  Forget about doing your hair…even a messy bun can’t survive the brunt of those gail force winds.  The dust blows in your eyes, down your throat, and even into places you didn’t know dust could get into while being fully dressed.

Then there’s the dreaded “couped up indoors with the kids” syndrome.  You’ve pulled crafts off Pinterest, played 100 too many games of Sorry, and even done the unthinkable … MADE THEM CLEAN!

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There actually isn’t any snow left in our yard right now so there won’t be any celebration of National Snowman Burning Day around here, but perhaps I could find a leftover stuffed one in the clearance isle at our local Wal-Mart and tell the kids we are trying out a new ritual to try and welcome spring.

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Burn you damn snowman…I want spring!
Cheers To Spring,

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Dear Mr. Winter

I know that less than 6 months ago I was complaining that I was sick of sweating and ready for the cold weather to arrive.  I absolutely hate being hot.  One can always put more stuff on to get warm…running around naked still doesn’t cool one off…nor would I like to see some people naked.

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Enough said?
This is our second winter in the northern hemisphere.  We came from a place where the swimming pool was a daily activity for like 9 months of the year.

Last year it snowed but only stuck once and melted within a couple of days.  This year I don’t think there has been a day that I have looked outside and there hasn’t been some form of what resembles snow lurking around. snow neighborhood winter 2016 For the last week my yard has been a solid white blanket.  And yes I think it’s beautiful and I am not complaining about it because it would take years of this kind of weather to replace what the drought has taken away.

The photo to the left is a picture I took from my front yard yesterday.  I really need to take one when the road is also covered and not a single car without 4WD would dare to take on that hill.  You can’t tell by the picture but that hill is steep and brutal when freshly blanketed with snow or ice.

What I am complaining about is the toll it takes on my little monsters.  I want to take them out to go sledding but just when I think it’s the right time suddenly I start to hear the horrible deep coughs and the sneezes that that blow out boogers resembling something like this…

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“So Snot Funny”
I want to take them out and do a photo shoot but I just know that I will be editing out the snot and chapped red lips that resemble that of a clowns…no I am not joking.  And yes I buy them chapstick…it usually ends up in the wash, lost in the car, or used all in one day by my 3 year old.  I am quite certain she eats it.

Now I am sure it’s not just old man winter to blame for my kids constant battle of the common cold.  There are germs lurking everywhere.

Let’s take last night for instance, and the disgusting fool who was sitting near us in the bleachers at the wrestling tournament with his can of “chew spit”.  As we were leaving and I gathered up my kids’ stuff I noticed something wet on my daughters coat.  Yep, you guessed it…the guys can of “chew spit” had spilled ON MY DAUGHTER’S JACKET!  The thought of it is seriously making me gag.  And had he have still been around when I discovered it…the mommy psycho from hell would have come out in me.bad mommy parenting motherhood

But he was gone…leaving his trail of spilled “chew spit” in his revolting, repulsive, gross, ghastly path.

So what did this mother do?  Well she hunted his ass down, of course, and ran him over with her SUV placing his spit can beside him as a reminder to all “chew can spitters” TO THROW THEIR CONTAINERS AWAY!  **One can only dream**  Actually I came home and put the jacket in the washer on the hottest cleaning cycle…twice.

I am somewhat of a germaphobe so when I see my daughter licking the handrail at said high school gymnasium, that probably hasn’t been touched with any sort of disinfectant since being placed there, I slightly come unglued and wonder if she was switched at birth at the hospital.

The sun is shining today and it’s a perfect day to get some great snots shots of my kids in the snow…so for now I am going to stick with that plan because who knows when the next opportunity should arise to do so.  I mean what’s the worst that could happen…pneumonia?

Cheerios and Boogers,

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That’s A Wrap ~ December 19, 2015

That's A Wrap Week 2

Is anyone else looking forward to December being over?

It seems like I have something to do almost everyday and today I woke up with that dreaded heaviness in my chest which reared it’s ugly head at this same time last year.  And by New Year’s Eve I could barely breathe let alone move around and my husband had to celebrate without me.  I refuse to let that happen again this year.

I am happy to report that I have finally finished my tattoo sleeve on my arm.  I might just need one more touch up appointment but I am so glad to finally have it finished.  It has been a work in progress for over a year.

Tuesday I drove into the city and had my hair done.  They had my appointment messed up and only had me down for a haircut which thankfully they worked out because there was no way I was leaving until my platinum pieces of wisdom gray hairs were covered.  I can go without a haircut much more than the color.

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My 4 year old monster M had her preschool program where they invited the parents and had us listen to them sing several out of tune Christmas songs.  It was such a cute performance and would have been so much more enjoyable for me if my monster M would have actually sang the songs instead of staring around the room like she wanted to be anywhere but there.

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We had a major snowstorm come through this week and of course the littles and I went and played in it.  We tried to sled in the freshly laid powder  but because it was so fresh it wasn’t compacted enough to get the sled to move.  However, monster B found a group of older boys who had been sledding down it enough to compact it and they were nice enough to let him join in.  (If they hadn’t the mother bitch bear in me would have come out)  He got a couple good runs in but his poor sisters whimped out of anything to do with the snow after about 30 minutes when they suddenly decided they were freezing and wanted to sit in the Yukon to warm up.

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I had another photo shoot this week with a wonderful family.  We shot it at a local park and although the sun was out it was only about 28*F,  so we moved quickly.  Their little boy was such an absolute cutie, full of life and made the entire time so much fun for me.  In the picture below, I didn’t even ask him to kiss his sister’s forehead, he did that all on his own.

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I am happy to say that I think we are pretty much done with the wrapping of presents and are all counting the “sleeps” before the big day.  I myself am looking forward to having two weeks of not having to set an alarm to get up and get 4 kids out the door to school.  Although I am not looking forward to the sibling rivalry that I am sure will be endured daily.  I am hoping that the baking and crafts I have planned will keep them occupied until Christmas day and then I am relying on all their new Christmas stuff to keep them quiet.  **wishful thinks**

We also had wrestling sign ups for little monster M and B this week.  That will start in January and I am interested to see how well my 4 year old girl is going to tackle someone to the ground.  But she swears that she wants to do it so I support her.  Monster B participated last year and ended up taking 3rd place overall.  Maybe he could give his sister a few pointers.  My poor 3 year old is bummed that there is yet another sport that she is too young to play.  I am sure she is sick of hearing that when she is 4 she can play sports.

My working out has been put on hold the past couple weeks and I have no excuses other than everything else this month has been more inportant than myself.  Story of #mommylife.  Even my blogging has been put on the farthest back burner, but I plan to be back in full force come January!

Hope all of you have a fabulous week and a very Merry Christmas!

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Dear Mr. Weather

Yo asshole could you make up your mind!  Yesterday it was a lovely 72 degrees outside and today I wake up to snowing!!!  It’s no wonder that we are all sick here.

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I wanted this weather a long time ago.  Now….now I am ready for spring and warmer weather, less clothes, less laundry to do, and the littles being able to go outside without being bundled up like an eskimo.  Do you know how long it takes to get 3 toddlers bundled up to go outside in the cold?  It’s a real bitch!  Takes 30 minutes to locate all the necessities and then another 20 to put them on.  And then guess what?  They want to come back inside 5 minutes later.  And what am I suppose to do say “no”?  You did notice that I said I had 3 toddlers right?  I am outnumbered here.  Saying “no’ to their wishes means having to listen to screaming and crying and temper tantrums.   And I for one don’t like that.  Also, I don’t have the option of duct taping their mouths and locking them in their rooms.  That is frowned upon around here.  Will put me right into “horrible mother” status!

There has been a constant circle of illness in my house since before Christmas!!!  I am tired of wiping noses and finding booger infested tissue stuffed in every crevice of my house.  I am tired of BUYING tissue.  Even Costco doesn’t sell a quantity substantial enough for this monstrous, snot blowing household!

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I am tired of trips to the doctors office.  They have become to know me by first name there.  Hell, they know my voice when I call!  “Good morning Mrs. Souza…which one of the flock will you be bringing in today?”  Next they will have quarantined off a room just for us!  The sickies!!!

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Don’t get me started on how many bottles of medicine I have acquired in my cabinet.  I have to pay close attention to the labels since I have 3 different toddlers at 3 different stages.  One can’t take this and the other one has a bad reaction to that.  And could someone please tell me why they have to make medicine taste fruity?  That just makes my kids want some even when they aren’t sick!  Like it’s candy or a treat.  I then have to lie to them and tell them there isn’t anymore and that mommy will get some at the store.  Bad mommy for lying.

Now I am not sure that this is all to blame on you Mr. Weather but your daily forecast  shenanigans aren’t helping.  I don’t mind some rain with warmer temperatures…but this 30 some degrees atmospheric pressure is enough to switch me from wine to vodka!

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Sincerely,

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 10 and 11

I am going to combine two days into one since I have fallen behind in this challenge and they are both topics that can blend together, weather and something unusual:

Well I would say that the weather we are having here in Winnemucca, NV has been completely unusual and unpredictable.  The landscaping is all blooming and I woke up to a chilling 20 degrees outside this morning. Not that 20 degrees is chilly to me of course…ever since I turned 40 I swear it’s like my internal thermostat is stuck on “sweating”.  I only turn on the heat in this house because I have little ones.  Otherwise I would have it at a constant 60 degrees.  And if my husband or the teenagers ever complained that it was cold…I would just tell them to put more clothes on or get a blanket.  “Cause if mama ain’t happy…she will make everyone’s lives a living hell ain’t nobody happy!”

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I don’t dare talk about the W word that was roaring like the 1920’s outside yesterday….shhhh!

Now I am a sunshine girl.  Love the sunshine, love all the things that come with summer…except…HOT weather.  I am not a fan of extremely hot which is funny since I lived in southern Nevada for over 20 years.  And people used to ask me, “How do you live in such extreme temperatures?”  Well that would be due to A/C and swimming pools of course.  Not that either of those would be available anymore during a zombie apocalypse but that’s what vodka and sleeping pills are for.

You’re probably now wondering if I was serious about that last statement…

The vodka and sleeping pills would be to feed the zombies of course…duh!

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Back to the weather being unusual…what a boring topic to write about  really.  Today it is sunny and beautiful outside and tomorrow’s forecast calls for rain and snow flurries.  Go figure.

This is how unpredictable it is…I just checked my weather app again and now it says just partly cloudy with a chance of meatballs for tomorrow…2 days ago it said rain and snow. Unpredictable and unusual…that is the weather.

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