After The First Child


I remember when my little B was born…like it was yesterday. ¬†We brought him home from the hospital and I was so batshit crazy protective of him that I wouldn’t even let his older brothers carry him in the car seat carrier. ¬†Like somehow I just had this overwhelming anxiety that they were going to drop him and kill him. ¬†I remember taking him to one of their basketball games and I swore I could see the germs floating in that gymnasium. ¬†I even googled to see if it was even safe for my 2 week old baby to be out in public.

One morning I was getting ready to leave the house with him and at the time my husband and I did not have a bed frame, just a mattress of the floor. ¬†Little B was laying on the mattress and somehow had wiggled himself around enough to where he slid down blankets and onto the floor. ¬†He didn’t even cry until I was standing over him with a OH SHIT beyond shocked look on my face. ¬†As soon as he saw that I was upset it caused him to be upset. ¬†He was fine but all day I kept checking him…wouldn’t let him go to sleep, never once let him out of my sight. ¬†The paranoia was overwhelming. ¬†I kept thinking to myself…”Am I a crazy mom or is every mother like this with their first child?”…


…fast forward to baby #3…

By the time little Z came into the world I was an expert. ¬†I realized that having a beer or a glass of wine wasn’t going to taint my breastmilk. ¬†I knew how to change a diaper with one hand tied behind my back. ¬†When she started to crawl I didn’t mop the floor every 30 minutes thinking that she was going to contract some strange flesh eating bacteria and if her pacifier fell on the floor then I just ran some water over it and gave it back to her without boiling it in a pot on the stove for 10 minutes. ¬†And guess what? ¬† She survived!!!


Little Z has also become independent a lot faster then my first two. ¬†She hasn’t been in a high chair since shortly after her one year birthday. ¬†She refused to sit in one since her brother and sister were sitting at the table. ¬†And she learned how to prop herself up on her knees to be able to reach. ¬†She was also using utensils. ¬†I remember taking her for a well check and the pediatrician being shocked that she new how already. ¬†Funny thing is I didn’t teach her…she taught herself by watching the others. ¬†When she falls down I tell her she is fine and to just get back up. ¬†I still kiss the boo boo because somehow mommy’s kisses fix everything but once that is done she is up and running again.

Potty training my other two took some time as well and they wore diapers to bed for quite some time after they had learned to use the potty all throughout the day. ¬†But not little Z…she caught on so quick and one night while in the midst of potty training I had ran out of diapers and it was late and I didn’t feel like going to the store so I put her to bed in her undies. ¬†And to my surprise she was dry the next morning…and the morning after that…and so on.


In answering my own question…yes I do think as mothers we are a bit coo coo crazier after we have had our first child and by the 3rd you just rub dirt on the situation. These days I only get frantic if there is blood involved. ¬†And even then a band-aid and mommy’s kisses make it all better. ¬†Well except for the other day when my daughter stepped on a piece of glass and it got stuck in her foot and I had her sit on the couch until daddy got home because as I attempted to get it out…I almost fainted.

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Go To F%*king Sleep!

This video is narrated by Samuel L. Jackson and is hilarious!  But be advised do not watch it with your kids in listening distance.  The F bomb is used with no caution.

Last night was yet another bad bedtime night. Over the weekend my sister slept in my son’s room while I put my son in with his sisters since the youngest has a bottom bunk full size mattress. ¬†Well now for some reason my son has decided that he wants to slumber in his sisters room every night. ¬†This wouldn’t be such a problem except that the shenanigans are worse when all three are in one room. kid sleep cartoon

First it’s the trying to get them all settled into where¬†they are going to sleep…which bed…what blanket…how many pillows etc. ¬†Then comes the harrowing decision of what movie to watch¬†(yes I let them watch tv before bed not only for their sanity but for mine as well).¬†I try to have them take turns each night but of course once night time rolls around they have forgotten who got to pick the night before and as far as either of them are concerned, it’s their turn. ¬†By this time mommy needs another glass of wine. I get them all tucked in and head off to enjoy my “mommy” time. ¬†I no more then get settled into comfort when I hear the horseplay from across the house. ¬†So I yell in my¬†momster¬†voice, “Go to bed!!!” Silence. ¬†But it’s only momentarily. So again I yell. ¬†And again they are quiet but only for a moment. ¬†By the third time I am up, and the outlook is so not looking good for them or me. ¬†I storm into the bedroom as they all freeze and present to me their dastardly stares. ¬†Not deer in headlights but more like “why are you interrupting our monkey business mom?” looks.


So now the threatening begins. I am yelling and mumbling anything that comes to mind in order to get them to lay down again. ¬†They scurry about to find their places and once again I turn the light off and leave the room. Now sometimes I am just too tired to care what goes on after I close the door and wonder to my own room. ¬†I figure where they fall asleep is where they will sleep for the entirety of the night. ¬†Because let’s face it…as long as they aren’t in my room jumping on me anymore I could care less that they are jumping on each other in their own rooms. ¬†I have went into check on them to find them all huddled up in a pile on the floor…asleep…and yes I leave them there.


So finally after losing my shit, threatening their lives and all the lives of their stuffed animals, my children have once and for all settled for the night.  And once again I sit and try to enjoy the time I have left before having to tape my eyelids open. images-2

Problem is that then I sit and start to feel guilty about yelling at them before sending them off to dreamland. ¬†I wonder if sometimes when they wake in the middle of the night crying it’s because they have visions of my wrath branded into their tiny little minds. ¬†When my daughter says there’s a monster in her room if she isn’t just having flashbacks of me trying to get them to go to bed. ¬†So off I go into their rooms to gently kiss their foreheads and cover them up, wherever they may lay. ¬†The new day comes and they still think I hang the moon and I tell myself that tonight it will be better…and low and behold…sometimes it is. On the verge of mommy dearest,

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