~For The Love Of The Beach~

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Who doesn’t love the beach?  It’s all about the sand in your ass crack between your toes.  The sun on your face.  And the people who shouldn’t have left the house in that watching.  Personally I have always loved the beach which is ironic because I have lived more then half my life in the desert.  Maybe because I couldn’t afford to live at the beach…who wants to work when you live by the beach?  I would be calling in sick all the time.  Which as a stay at home mom would probably be frowned upon.

We are actually planning our family trip to northern California this summer.  A fabulous 9 nights only a mile from the beach.  We will be staying in our home on wheels camper all snug like sardines.  I am sure we will smell like sardines by the time the trip is over.  My husband has been rambling on about it for the past 3 months.  I of course just started getting excited about it over the past few days.  That was after the stress of having to pack a camper for the 6 of us settled in my head.  Luckily there are no diapers to have to pack this year.  I don’t know how we ever survived on vacations when we had 3 in diapers and 2 on bottles.  Bins, bins, and more glorious pain in the ass bins!

We have been to the beach many times as a family and I am quite certain that the mini van, we just traded in, still had bits of sand deep within the carpet and cracks of the seats amongst all the other bodily fluids memoirs of all our trips.

The following are some of my photographed memoirs (all by me) from one said trip.

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Sun-Kissed,

Domesticated Momster Signature

Dear Mr. Weather

Yo asshole could you make up your mind!  Yesterday it was a lovely 72 degrees outside and today I wake up to snowing!!!  It’s no wonder that we are all sick here.

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I wanted this weather a long time ago.  Now….now I am ready for spring and warmer weather, less clothes, less laundry to do, and the littles being able to go outside without being bundled up like an eskimo.  Do you know how long it takes to get 3 toddlers bundled up to go outside in the cold?  It’s a real bitch!  Takes 30 minutes to locate all the necessities and then another 20 to put them on.  And then guess what?  They want to come back inside 5 minutes later.  And what am I suppose to do say “no”?  You did notice that I said I had 3 toddlers right?  I am outnumbered here.  Saying “no’ to their wishes means having to listen to screaming and crying and temper tantrums.   And I for one don’t like that.  Also, I don’t have the option of duct taping their mouths and locking them in their rooms.  That is frowned upon around here.  Will put me right into “horrible mother” status!

There has been a constant circle of illness in my house since before Christmas!!!  I am tired of wiping noses and finding booger infested tissue stuffed in every crevice of my house.  I am tired of BUYING tissue.  Even Costco doesn’t sell a quantity substantial enough for this monstrous, snot blowing household!

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I am tired of trips to the doctors office.  They have become to know me by first name there.  Hell, they know my voice when I call!  “Good morning Mrs. Souza…which one of the flock will you be bringing in today?”  Next they will have quarantined off a room just for us!  The sickies!!!

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Don’t get me started on how many bottles of medicine I have acquired in my cabinet.  I have to pay close attention to the labels since I have 3 different toddlers at 3 different stages.  One can’t take this and the other one has a bad reaction to that.  And could someone please tell me why they have to make medicine taste fruity?  That just makes my kids want some even when they aren’t sick!  Like it’s candy or a treat.  I then have to lie to them and tell them there isn’t anymore and that mommy will get some at the store.  Bad mommy for lying.

Now I am not sure that this is all to blame on you Mr. Weather but your daily forecast  shenanigans aren’t helping.  I don’t mind some rain with warmer temperatures…but this 30 some degrees atmospheric pressure is enough to switch me from wine to vodka!

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Sincerely,

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