National Snowman Burning Day

Yep, you read that right folks…today is National Snowman Burning Day and I for one am SICK of winter.  Granted, in the following video, the woman doesn’t set the Snowman on fire but she clearly gets her point across.  I have watched this video at least a dozen times and laugh my ass off each and every time.

Because I for one can TOTALLY relate.

It seems like we have had snowfall upon snowfall since November.  And as much as I love the fact that so many water holes that had been empty are now full,  I am ready to put my swimsuit on and get in them, fish in them, boat on them, and camp by them,  rather than just look at them on the news or from the highway.

I am ready to soak up some vitamin D in which my body has been lacking the entire winter and I do believe has turned me into a psychopath an albino like zombie.  **sprays the self tanner on her skin**

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Now there have been a few days of this month that the weather has played with our heads.  It’s even gotten up to 70*F, even if it was for only one day.  But then the very next day it will be 32*F and snowing outside.

I don’t know whether to get the summer clothes out or just keep buying new winter clothes because my kids are all growing out of the stuff they have had since school started.  **thinks of just setting fire to anything that has to do with winter in hopes that it will bring some spring juju**

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And then there is that dreadful W word…no not winter…the other one.  W-I-N-D.  You wake up to see that the sun is peaking through the blinds and you jump out of bed to look outside only to find that your patio furniture is now upside down in a pile against the fence because the wind is blowing 60mph.

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And who wants to go out in that?

You can’t even fly a kite because the force of the wind will whip it right out of your hands.  Forget about doing your hair…even a messy bun can’t survive the brunt of those gail force winds.  The dust blows in your eyes, down your throat, and even into places you didn’t know dust could get into while being fully dressed.

Then there’s the dreaded “couped up indoors with the kids” syndrome.  You’ve pulled crafts off Pinterest, played 100 too many games of Sorry, and even done the unthinkable … MADE THEM CLEAN!

Motherhood mommy dearest winter
There actually isn’t any snow left in our yard right now so there won’t be any celebration of National Snowman Burning Day around here, but perhaps I could find a leftover stuffed one in the clearance isle at our local Wal-Mart and tell the kids we are trying out a new ritual to try and welcome spring.

National Burning Snowman Day humor
Burn you damn snowman…I want spring!
Cheers To Spring,

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Dear Mr. Weather

Yo asshole could you make up your mind!  Yesterday it was a lovely 72 degrees outside and today I wake up to snowing!!!  It’s no wonder that we are all sick here.

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I wanted this weather a long time ago.  Now….now I am ready for spring and warmer weather, less clothes, less laundry to do, and the littles being able to go outside without being bundled up like an eskimo.  Do you know how long it takes to get 3 toddlers bundled up to go outside in the cold?  It’s a real bitch!  Takes 30 minutes to locate all the necessities and then another 20 to put them on.  And then guess what?  They want to come back inside 5 minutes later.  And what am I suppose to do say “no”?  You did notice that I said I had 3 toddlers right?  I am outnumbered here.  Saying “no’ to their wishes means having to listen to screaming and crying and temper tantrums.   And I for one don’t like that.  Also, I don’t have the option of duct taping their mouths and locking them in their rooms.  That is frowned upon around here.  Will put me right into “horrible mother” status!

There has been a constant circle of illness in my house since before Christmas!!!  I am tired of wiping noses and finding booger infested tissue stuffed in every crevice of my house.  I am tired of BUYING tissue.  Even Costco doesn’t sell a quantity substantial enough for this monstrous, snot blowing household!

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I am tired of trips to the doctors office.  They have become to know me by first name there.  Hell, they know my voice when I call!  “Good morning Mrs. Souza…which one of the flock will you be bringing in today?”  Next they will have quarantined off a room just for us!  The sickies!!!

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Don’t get me started on how many bottles of medicine I have acquired in my cabinet.  I have to pay close attention to the labels since I have 3 different toddlers at 3 different stages.  One can’t take this and the other one has a bad reaction to that.  And could someone please tell me why they have to make medicine taste fruity?  That just makes my kids want some even when they aren’t sick!  Like it’s candy or a treat.  I then have to lie to them and tell them there isn’t anymore and that mommy will get some at the store.  Bad mommy for lying.

Now I am not sure that this is all to blame on you Mr. Weather but your daily forecast  shenanigans aren’t helping.  I don’t mind some rain with warmer temperatures…but this 30 some degrees atmospheric pressure is enough to switch me from wine to vodka!

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Sincerely,

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 10 and 11

I am going to combine two days into one since I have fallen behind in this challenge and they are both topics that can blend together, weather and something unusual:

Well I would say that the weather we are having here in Winnemucca, NV has been completely unusual and unpredictable.  The landscaping is all blooming and I woke up to a chilling 20 degrees outside this morning. Not that 20 degrees is chilly to me of course…ever since I turned 40 I swear it’s like my internal thermostat is stuck on “sweating”.  I only turn on the heat in this house because I have little ones.  Otherwise I would have it at a constant 60 degrees.  And if my husband or the teenagers ever complained that it was cold…I would just tell them to put more clothes on or get a blanket.  “Cause if mama ain’t happy…she will make everyone’s lives a living hell ain’t nobody happy!”

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I don’t dare talk about the W word that was roaring like the 1920’s outside yesterday….shhhh!

Now I am a sunshine girl.  Love the sunshine, love all the things that come with summer…except…HOT weather.  I am not a fan of extremely hot which is funny since I lived in southern Nevada for over 20 years.  And people used to ask me, “How do you live in such extreme temperatures?”  Well that would be due to A/C and swimming pools of course.  Not that either of those would be available anymore during a zombie apocalypse but that’s what vodka and sleeping pills are for.

You’re probably now wondering if I was serious about that last statement…

The vodka and sleeping pills would be to feed the zombies of course…duh!

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Back to the weather being unusual…what a boring topic to write about  really.  Today it is sunny and beautiful outside and tomorrow’s forecast calls for rain and snow flurries.  Go figure.

This is how unpredictable it is…I just checked my weather app again and now it says just partly cloudy with a chance of meatballs for tomorrow…2 days ago it said rain and snow. Unpredictable and unusual…that is the weather.

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Writing Challenge: Day 2

Write about something you look forward to in the next 12 months…

That’s a whole year of things to look forward to.  Do I need to pick just one?  Well that is just impossible so here is a list of  my top 5…

Warmer Weather  Right now I am looking forward to the summertime and the fact that we actually have a completed yard this year….with GRASS!  Grass in which my children can enjoy the “slippery when wet” happenings of a large piece of yellow plastic positioned on the lush green landscape.  Yes I am referring to a “Slip ‘N’ Slide“.  Although the invention has come a long way since the days of my fun with it.

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My Little B Man Starting Kindergarten  This is a bittersweet moment really.   I still have to remind myself daily that he is now 5 years of age.  And as happy as I am that he will be starting another journey in his life, I am also sad that I can’t slow down the hands of time sometimes and bask more in his full on “toddlerness“.

Getting In Shape  I am sure it will take me the next 12 months to successfully get where I want to be.  It’s been a slow going process but I am still on track and now with the faithful enthusiasm of my workout partner,  my motivation will succeed!  I still have those great pair of “before babies” jeans hanging in the closet…staring at me every time I think I want to eat a bag hand full of chips.

VACATION Yes that is all in capital letters.  My husband and I haven’t had an overnighter…alone…together…since our friends wedding in August of 2012.  Wow…typing it…really puts it in perspective.  Date nights are great but we are in desperate need of a night full of drunken stupidity including…an uninterrupted dinner, at a quiet table for two, in the dark corner of a restaurant, with a “not so cheap” bottle (or 3) of wine, a visit to the strip club, a hotel room with only one bed, pay-per-view porn, whip cream, nipple clamps, lots of shenanigans between the sheets without worrying about the bedroom door not staying locked, and the ability to sleep until our eyes “want” to open instead of being slapped in the face by several toddlers persistently screaming “I’m hungry!!!”

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A New Vehicle The time has come to replace the “mommy-mobile” with something “cooler”…and I am not referring to air conditioning.  Not that driving a minivan somehow dwindles  my level of awesomeness but the fact that I have to crawl into the back, while consistently hitting my head on something to buckle everyone in, and the fact that it’s not 4WD and we now live in a predominantly 4WD part of the country, makes the minivan useless and impractical to me.  Of course long gone are the days of a 2 seater but I welcome an SUV.

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A year is a long time…full of many changes and a “bigger” list then 5, of things to look forward to.  I cherish every moment of life and remind myself often that “everyday is a gift“.

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